Shattered
by DylanLovesBrenda
Summary: The sun hid her face in the clouds. She didn't want the world to see her cry. Her teardrops burned holes in the horizon, she lost her desire to shine. Season 3...Brenda falls into a dark depression after that day in the park.
1. Chapter 1

_**Shattered**_

 _ **Prologue**_

Despair…fear…grief.

They all visit tonight. My heart is frozen, my feelings gone numb. If I could only see the light.

My eyes open to find it and it rushes back to me.

"This summer…while you were in Paris."

"Look I told you I was with a girl…Kelly was the girl."

My heart shatters again. I physically feel it lurch and stop and then start again incomplete. Like part of it died. I think back to the park, I remember crying…physically saying stuff to them. The stuff I was meant to say…how can you do this to me? I thought you were my friends? I loved you…I trusted you. They talk back…there are words spoken…blah blah sorry…sorry…we didn't mean for this to happen…well FUCK YOU. They aren't sorry…they let this happen. They meant to hurt me. They knew what this was going to do to me. That's why they waited so long to tell me. How could I have been so stupid? Here my beloved boyfriend and my best friend were ganging up on me. I shouldn't expect more from Dylan after what he's done but I did…I do. We were in a relationship. We loved each other. At least at one time. They planned this…let's plan to go to Brenda's after school and tell her together. A unified front. But what about my old unified front? The one that knew all my secrets and I knew his? What about all those nights we held each other and talked about the future. The fighting to be together, the nights of making love and worshipping each other…that unified front. In one moment it was gone. Wasn't I owed at least that much? Him coming to me…Her? Why the gang up? My chest hurts. I hate them. I actually don't hate them that's why this hurts so much. I love them. He chose her. He chose her over me. He chose a girl he just got to know…over almost three years of love and history, like it was nothing…I'm nothing.

Anger…Rage…Loss.

They are now old friends of mine. My eyes are blinded, my thoughts locked. The edge to madness becomes a thin line.

Fucking Kelly. I should have known, she had been pulling for us from the beginning yet jealous I had him. Kelly is a selfish person. If she wants something she goes after it. I always felt insecure when it came to her. I felt inferior. I think she thought how could Dylan like a girl like me over her? Here she was this beautiful blonde, with nice long hair, a nice body, great clothes, the money to buy whatever she wanted. She grew up in this town. Rich and privileged. When I met Dylan…my whole life revolved around him. All the girls wanted him, nobody really knew him. Not the deep, intense, loving man I knew. I felt like one day he'd wake up and realize I was ordinary. Then the time we spent together, shifted my outlook. Maybe Dylan didn't think I was unremarkable after all. I mean he chose to date me, to share things with me, to be in a serious relationship with me. Kelly had tried to get a date with him back when we first started going out. He turned her down. He loved me. I thought he loved me. It seems I was wrong. He got a taste of perfection and I'm back to being unexceptional. I'm back to being that girl, the girl who just moved here, the one that didn't fit in, that wasn't pretty enough for Dylan. The one that wasn't his type. I mean Dylan and Kelly…the most beautiful and the most handsome. It's like a storybook cliche, the perfect script. How meant to be. I used to like being me. Now I'm not so sure.

Pain…Crazy…Sorrow.

Just won't leave me alone. My memories are clear, my future clouded. Destination yet unknown.

What will I do now? I thought we had a future. I thought he was the one. Now, who am I? I'm lost somewhere in this misery. I feel the strong part of myself, which is so minimal at the moment trying desperately to find me. Searching…calling out…I think she's giving up. I hear Brandon in the bathroom. He is going to want to talk to me. I close my eyes as I hear the bathroom door open quietly. Within the dark content of my room I shut myself down, the wall building high around me.

"Bren." he whispers, "Are you awake?"

I lay still, eyes closed. I ignore his concerned voice. I let the blackness envelope me, burying me in it's warm blanket of safeness. Away from reality, away from life. I drift away to sleep, not even hearing Brandon leave. Even in my dreams I realize, not only have I lost my best friend…the love of my life…I'm losing me too.

Doubt…Captivity…Desperation.

Have just arrived. My soul is lost, my love has choked. Don't know if it can be revived.

My eyes open, it's day now. I toss to my opposite side and sigh.. no not today, I can't face it yet. I want to call him but I know I can't. I want to beg him to stay with me. To remind him of what we once had. I want to tell him Kelly will never love him like I love him. I see his face at the park. He doesn't want me. He wants her. No I can't face them at school. My eyes close again, the darkness surrounds me, my chest tight and pained. I hear whispers outside my bedroom door.

"It's almost been a week Jim. I'm worried about her. All she does is sleep, she hasn't been to school, she isn't talking to us, she isn't talking to Brandon."

"We'll give her one more day Cindy. Brenda is strong, a fighter. She'll get through this."

Am I? I don't feel strong. I don't feel like fighting. I feel fragile. Broken. Defeated. Relief washes over me as I hear my parents retreat down the stairs. It means they won't make me get up, they won't make me go to that hell. I can't see them. I don't want to see them, the perfect couple. Happy, in love, kissing, free to show their love now that the secret is out. A sharp pain hits my chest again and I wince. Maybe I can do this? Maybe I can find someone else? Maybe…but he won't be Dylan. He'll never be him. I want Dylan.

Loneliness…Hate…Revenge.

Have no secrets for me. My hope crumbled, my spirit breaking. Darkness sees it's opportunity.

No dreams invade my sleep. Just darkness. It's calm here, quiet. So lonely. "Hello?" my subconscious calls out. Just echoed silence. My broken heart, still beating. It's hard to breathe. I'm damaged, broken, falling apart. I quickly wonder if this is what death feels like. The feeling of nothingness. Ragged breath…no life…no me…slipping away. I feel myself trying to fight the darkness this time but it's too late. It's all around me, suffocating. I'm losing me.

Sadness…Agony…Misery.

Came to stay. My courage grows dim, my strength is melting.

And just then…the light inside me, the one I have been desperately trying to save, the one I've been holding on too...fades away. Blackness is all that's left.

 _So super super dark. I have wanted to do this story for literally years. I feel like the show could have really delved into Brenda in season 3 and 4. Her depression. They didn't, they didn't care. Shannen was acting out so much they began punishing her character and her as an actress. Her storylines became secondary. Brenda had lost the love of her life. Her friends even, even her family…her twin accepting Dylan and Kelly like it wasn't a big deal. Us as the audience didn't really know what was in Brenda's head. We saw her crumble a couple times but this story will be from Brenda's point of view mostly. Her dark misery of that year of her life. Things will be the same as far as events within school and around her, and there will be some surprises in there too. Stuff we didn't see either. It's sad but I can't get into my other stories unless I get this out too. You will see outside points of view too, and Dylan. You might see some stuff they didn't do on the show in regards to Brenda. So bare with me, I don't think this story will be long but I need to try at it and I know you guys will give it to me straight. I'm working on my current stories just haven't been into it as much. Let's see if this will bring out some creativity. The next chapter will be posted soon. Brenda goes back to school and starts dealing with life as she now knows it._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Shattered**_

 _ **Chapter 1**_

 _ **Meeting Halfway**_

Numb. That's what I feel today. I missed a week of school. I have to go unfortunately. I've put it off enough. I put my hair half up…its messy and I don't care. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Lifeless. No amount of makeup will save this face. It looks defeated and sad. I give up trying and move to my bed. Taking a seat I stare at nothing. I'm scared. I'm scared to face what the day will have for me. I can do this. I keep telling myself. I can be mature and not hate them. Tears fill my eyes. I thought I'd cried them all out. Nope…their hot and stream down my face.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for school." My father is in my room now. I look down not wanting him to see my tears. I look down further at what I'm wearing. A flannel…jeans…what does he expect me to have on?

"I am ready for school." I mask my sadness and try to find my normal voice. Silence, I don't look at him. My eyes close I feel the break down coming and I try my damnedest to stifle it.

"Ok." he says sadly. "Can I give you a ride?" he offers.

"Thanks…I'll be down in a minute." Go away…go away…it's coming. The tears have not stopped at all and I know they won't.

"Hang in there champ." I break, that's all it took. It wasn't even anything sad or poetic. It was in fact lame as hell.

"Dad." I cry out loud, I don't recognize the agonized voice. "I can't do it." I look at him. Sobbing now. Letting it out and it feels good for a second. I see his concerned eyes and I look away again, "I am trying so hard to be mature…and not hate them…and it's like I'm drowning and I can't breath and I don't know what to do." There…a cry for help. Help me daddy. Please. Take it away. This pain. This ache. Please. Please.

"Brenda." he moves quickly.

"Daddy…help me please." I beg, he's surprised at my outburst. He pulls me in and consoles me. "It's going over and over in my head and I can't make it stop."

"Oh sweetheart." he holds my head as I sob into his dress shirt. Here I said it. Now he'll help me. He can give me answers.

"He dumped me dad…for my best friend. Why…what did I do to deserve this?" I look at him, broken, begging for answers. Please dad…help me. I'm drowning. He says nothing. He just pulls me into him again and holds me.

"You'll be fine Brenda. This too shall pass." he says. I cry harder because that doesn't help. He is probably happy. He never liked Dylan…he never liked me with Dylan. He probably is thankful Dylan came to his senses. Doesn't he see I'm suffocating? Does he care? I swallow hard and say nothing. My cry for help seems to have gone unheard.

Lies

"I'll be down stairs sweetie." he pats and rubs my back and I nod helplessly. He doesn't know how to handle this…like me.

It only takes me a couple minutes to try and wash my face and pull myself together. Brandon has already left, having something going on with the Blaze. I'm late but don't care. I dredge down the stairs and hear my parents in the kitchen.

"I heard you guys Jim. She is really having a hard time. Maybe she should talk to someone. It's like she is falling into this depression." My father cuts her off.

"Cindy…no…she is fine. You start saying things like depression and counselors it will only make her imagine so. She is susceptible and melodramatic. She got her heart broken…it happens to everyone. She'll be fine."

Lies

I take a deep breath and make myself known, I clear my throat softly, "I'm ready." I say quietly.

"Ok sweetie…let me get my things." my dad touches my shoulder like I may break for a couple beats then walks out of the kitchen. My mother smiles softly at me.

"Are you okay?" she asks.

"I'm fine mom."

Lies

"I just want to get to school."

Lies

"Ok…have a good day." she responds semi fooled.

I force a smile and nod, "Will do."

Lies

The ride to school is short and quiet. I just look out the window at nothing. I walk to my locker after stopping at the office for my late slip. I grab my books and put my lunch away. The halls are quiet, everyone in is class already. I make it to my first period class that is already half way through. I don't look at Steve or Donna, even though I feel their eyes on me. I slide into my seat, open my text book and stare at the words until the bell rings. I walk quickly out of the class hearing Donna call my name and head to the bathroom. I close myself into the stall and take deep breaths. One class down…5 to go. Fuck my life.

"Did you hear? Dylan McKay is going out with Kelly Taylor?" a girl says as she enters.

 _Great_

"Wait a minute." the girl gasps, "I thought he was with Brenda Walsh?"

"I don't know…but Melissa saw them kissing at her locker this morning, And holding hands between classes last week."

My chest gets heavy, my eyes close.

"What…a…sleaze." the girl comments. "He was with her for two years…And Kelly…obviously hasn't changed, that was her best friend. Poor Brenda." the girl says quietly.

"We know Kelly is a slut. I don't know…her and Brenda are close…maybe they like to share." the girls laugh.

Involuntarily I stand up, Hell no. I reach down and flush the toilet for no reason. I push the stall open forcibly and it hits the next one loudly. I stare at them.

"Hi Brenda." the girl says nicely. Her eyes travel down me, I know why. A flannel and jeans isn't my normal school attire and suddenly I'm understanding my dads comment this morning. I ignore her and move to the sink next to them and begin washing my hands.

"I'm sorry you heard that." the obviously nicer one out of the two says sincerely.

I shrug turning off the water. "So…you and Dylan broke up?" the other girl asks, I recognize her now. Shelly something.

I nod, "Yeah. A while ago…before Christmas." we had still hung out so much I doubt people even knew. "And no…I'm not into sharing." I add. I'm not about to be the talk of West beverly. I have been here for 2 years and successfully stayed out of the gossip mill. Kelly I didn't give a shit about. She's always had a reputation and until recently I didn't believe it. Now…I believe every word.

"But…isn't she your best friend?" The nicer one asks.

"Not anymore." I reply simply.

Both girls look at me with serious expression as I dry my hands.

"Wow. Well you look good Brenda."

Lie

"Thanks…see ya." I said and leave the bathroom. Right before the bathroom door closes I hear them, "Oh my god…Kelly is such a bitch." And for the briefest of moments I smile.

I grab my books and my lunch. I figure the less amount of time I spend at my locker the better. I haven't seen Dylan…or Kelly yet but I know that time will be cut short considering I have chemistry with Dylan after lunch.

"Brenda." I hear her and I roll my eyes closing my locker. I make eye contact with her for a brief moment and keep walking. Her voice interrupting me again, "Brenda." I stop my back towards her. "Please don't shut me out like this." I turn, my eyes staring hard into hers. Fuck her.

"Kelly you have Dylan now…what more do you want." It wasn't a question. I glare at her and walk away. Does she actually think I'd be okay with this? That I'd be okay with her dating Dylan? You can't have your way this time Kelly. You have Dylan…you threw away any right to be my friend when you betrayed me. I can and will shut your ass out. You can take your guilt ridden, somber fake ass expressions and choke on it. I walk to class, passing the radio booth. I see Donna and David sitting in there chatting. I pretend I don't see her when she waves at me. Turning the corner quickly, I see Dylan alone at his locker. I have to pass it to get to history. I see him close it and begin to turn my direction. Instead I make the quick dash into the girls bathroom again. It's empty and quiet and I enter the stall, plopping down on the toilet where my tears from my confrontation with Kelly finally free. I can't do this. It's one thing to put my bitch face on when it comes to Kelly but another when it comes to seeing him. He knows me too well. He'll see I'm breaking, I just know he will. I grab some TP and wipe my tears. Knowing Dylan has probably passed the restroom already. I make my way out of the stall just in time to hear the first bell. I know I have a minute to get to class before the late bell sounds out. I stare at my reflection and splash water on my face. I dab the rough paper towel to my face and as I turn to toss it in the trash I see it. _Kelly Taylor is a slut,_ is written in black permanent marker on the tile, it's crossed out,I remember crossing it out myself. I swallow hard as my eyes follow more writing. New writing, SLUT is written again followed by _boyfriend stealer._ My first reaction is to dig in my bag for my sharpie and even find myself doing so. Something I had done for Kelly before. My hand stops as I stare at it. I leave it this time. Kelly has made her bed…let her sleep in it. And just like that, I make it to history just as the late bell rings.

My class is over and so is lunch almost. I sit alone on the other side of campus knowing I won't run into any of the gang there. Most of the freshman and sophomores sit there, where the seniors inhabit the quad for the most part. I sit under a tree pretending to read and eat. I haven't touched food in days. The thought makes me nauseous. I know I have to see Dylan in chemistry, I momentarily think about ditching but know my absence will inhibit a call home to my parents because I have missed so much already. I toss my untouched brown bagged lunch in a trash can and make my way to class. Maybe if I get there before Dylan and sit at another table I can ignore his presence. When I enter lab, Mr. Goff is the only one in there. I walk up to him.

"Mr. Goff?" I find my voice.

"Yes…Miss Walsh." he smiles sweetly and makes eye contact.

"Um…is there anyway…I can get a new lab partner?"

Mr. Goff's head tilts sideways as his expression turns concerned. "Is there a problem with your current lab partner?" He asks honestly.

"Well…sort of. Um." I pussy foot around and take a deep breath.

"Miss Walsh…I thought you and Dylan McKay were some what of a class couple?"

"Well…sir that's kind of the point…we aren't…anymore." I get it out.

"Ah." he nods knowingly and a slight smirk falls on his young dorky face. "I see." he understands now. silence fills around us as students only begin to make their way in.

"So…it's okay then…to move?" I break the silence.

"Here's the thing Miss Walsh…sometimes in life…you will be matched with people you may not want to be matched with. Sometimes it's important to be the bigger person and learn from this sort of thing. My class is perfectly matched up and in my experience, this sort of thing happens at least twice a year only to be asked to be partners again."

"That…wont happen sir." he cuts me off.

"The answer is no Miss Walsh. You and Dylan are at the top of the class, my two brightest students should be partners, you will have to endure it." He looks down at his syllabus letting me know that was his final answer and that our conversation was over. I take a moment to glare at the top of his hair and sigh. It was worth a shot I guess and after a beat I make my way to the lab table. Scooting my chair as far from Dylan's as possible and turning it sideways towards the chalk board. My notebook opens and I take the time to doodle stars and swirls on it. I feel the crackle of air shift. The clean showered smell of him kick up in the air as he passes me. The awful noise of the chair sliding against the linoleum tile.

"Hey Bren." his voice cracks. I don't look up from my notebook. I hear him sigh sadly. "Look Bren." he whispers. "Um." he is trying to make it better, his voice is filled with guilt and sadness. I ignore it. I look towards the board, away from him and take a deep breath. Maybe if I ignore him, he'll get the hint. "Brenda…I." my full name is spoken. His voice is begging now, sad and heartbreaking. For a moment I wonder what he wants to say to me. I wonder if he is as sad as I am. If he misses me at all. If even after choosing Kelly there is a small part of his heart and soul that loves me still. I hear him sadly sigh again stopping his thought. I hear him get his books out and settle into the seat. I feel his eyes on me through the lecture. I hear him sadly sigh and clear his throat through it. Never once do I lock eyes with him though. My heart feels empty and I know if I look at him I won't be able to hide the despair that I feel. So instead I pretend to listen to Mr. Goff, thankful we do not have a lab today. I take notes not even remotely aware what I'm writing. Our table is silent as images of how we used to be in this class take over my mind. When we used to move our seats close to one another. How I would smile and shake my head as Dylan would rub my thigh under the table. How he would kiss just below my ear when Mr. Goff wrote on the board. How he would write I love you and I can't wait to be alone with you on my notebook as I took notes. How he'd kiss my neck as I tried to concentrate on the lab. I would pretend to get angry at him even though I secretly loved the attention. I close my eyes and reign in my emotions as my head is down facing my notes. For one second, my head lifts as I look at him. He is doodling in his notebook, his hair longer and not styled much. He looks sad and handsome, he must feel my eyes because they raise up fast to meet mine. I look away before our eyes meet. The bell rings and as I quickly collect my stuff I see his hand slowly reach out to touch my arm. Instead of allowing that to happen, I'm on my feet and out of the class before I fall into his arms begging him to love me. To hold me, to kiss me and take me back. I feel his eyes on my back as I leave thankful that my class with Dylan is over.

I spend my time crying and taking pictures that litter my mirror and walls of my life with Dylan in my bedroom. I can't look at them anymore. There are loads of them, cards, presents and stuffed animals. As I look down at the box of Dylan, I realize he was such an important and major part of my life, it's crazy how that much love can fit into a small box. I'm not sure how long I'm staring into space when I hear a gentle knock on my bedroom door. My first reaction is to yell…LEAVE ME ALONE but know that's not me. I look towards the door as it gently opens and a gorgeous older women peaks her head in. For the first time since hearing those girls call Kelly a bitch, I smile a sad smile at her. Iris. Without even thinking, I'm on my feet, she is in my room closing the door behind her and her arms are around me. She hugs me tightly as I break down. I vaguely hear her shushing me protectively, _there there_ whispers out of her mouth. Her gentle hand on my head. "Oh Brenda." she whispers. I lean away from her as she wipes my tears in motherly fashion. Her eyes understanding and sweet. She knows we've broken up. She knows he's with Kelly. I feel it. I feel the dislike towards her and I like it. She eyes the box and doesn't say anything as she makes her way over to the bed side light. Taking a brown jewelry box out of her purse. "I brought you something." she says nicely and takes out a beautiful crystal on a chain. She holds to over the light of the lamp, "Crystals provide a shield from negative energy." She leaves it dangling over the lamp, having it take in the light and warmth.

"What are you suppose to do with it?" I ask her skeptical.

She brings it back to the jewelry bag and smiles, "Just hold it close…wear it around your neck if you'd like. Let it help to make you stronger." I'm touched by her kindness and understanding. So far Iris is the only one that sees my sadness and is at least pretending to get it. To reach out and help me. I'm thankful.

"I'll try anything right about now." I say honestly. Her kind eyes looking mine.

"Like everything else Brenda…even despair eventually exhausts itself." Iris gets it. She gets i'm drowning. She gets that this is something that has broken my soul. Despair…it a good word to describe how I'm feeling at the moment. I'm so tired.

"Well…it's exhausting me." I tell her truthfully. I know Iris would not judge me, she gets it.

"Your relationship with Dylan isn't over…this is just one moment in a very long lifetime." she snaps with a small smile. For a second I eye her. What is she thinking? What does she know that I don't? Then I remember it is over. It's very very over.

"I'm not sure what Dylan has told you but it is definitely over." I say to her at that moment I realize maybe she doesn't know he's with Kelly now even though I could have sworn I got the dislike for Kelly so clearly. She looks sadly at me and then I realize she does in fact know…but still doesn't believe it is indeed over. "All that is left now is headed straight for the trash." I walk over to my Dylan box as I hear her sadly take a deep breath. I can tell Iris is not happy with our break up. I knew we had shared a connection. A mutual love for Dylan but at that moment I knew she loved me too. She liked me with her son and she thought I was good for him. She almost seemed disappointed.

Iris smiles again and takes a seat on my bed, "Close your eyes." she says, her voice sure now.

"What?" I'm confused.

"Close your eyes and get a mental picture of the happiest time you and Dylan had together."

Oh come on Iris, "Is this some kind of new age visualization thing?" I ask honestly.

"Just do it." she says sternly yet still motherly and kind. I take a deep breath, holding on to my crystal and close my eyes.

"Do you see it?" she whispers.

Visions of memories flood my mind. Our first kiss, the Spring dance, losing my virginity to the man I loved, endless laughs and sweet moments, cuddling and Dylan's whispers of love and devotion, Baja and the kissing….so many kisses, kissing kissing kissing. Sex. All of it flashing in my mind. Then the visions stop and only love pours from my heart. It's warm and comfortable. It's safe and familiar. I smile softly and nod slowly. It's almost foreign to feel this happy, even if its only for a moment.

"Is there something in that box from that time?" she asks and I smile again. No…there are souvenirs but no feelings can't be stuffed in a box. Love can not be stuffed in a box. I open my eyes and look into it. A picture of Dylan and I from the Spring Dance stares at me. I grow sad again.

"Your relationship with Dylan is far deeper than a box full of memories. You stood by him when no one else did." My heart breaks.

"Great." I whisper, tears brim my eyes, "So he thanks me by falling in love with my best friend." I say shattered. I realize I say Kelly is my best friend again. Iris doesn't let me dwell on it long.

Her finger comes up, "A wise man once said…salvation is attained by being so clear headed and inwardly strong you can meet your opponent half way."

I look down briefly as a tear runs down my face. "I can't imagine…being that clear headed…or that strong." I say sadly.

"You already are." Iris says truthfully believing it. I look down at the crystal. Maybe it does have powers.

"Well…I do feel a little better." I admit. I think talking has helped but Iris is the only one that has tried to really dig, to really care.

"Good." Iris smiles.

"Must be the crystal." I smile back at her. It;s made me feel calm and even though in my chest there is a dull ache still, it's indeed dull. Maybe I can get through this after all?

"Maybe." she says as she stares at me, "But then again…maybe its you." she says quietly.

I stare at her too. She gets up slowly. "Brenda. You know I love you like a daughter. If you need anything…anything at all you call me okay?" her arms enclose around me. I nod against her shoulder. Tears find themselves again. They glide down my cheek effortlessly and land on her crushed velvet wrap. She rubs my back sweetly, then tightens her hug before she places both hands on my arms. She looks into my eyes and smiles. "Take care of yourself sweetie. And just know…people who are meant to be together find their way back. They may take a few detours, but they're never lost. Have faith that this will happen, have faith that god doesn't give us more than we can handle and have faith that you will make it through this, and if you need a reminder along the way…I'm here." her hand cups my cheek for a moment, and just like that she leaves. Closing the door to my bedroom as she exits. I place the crystal around my neck and grasp it tightly in my hands. I pray she is right. I pray I can do this. I pray that what's meant to be is and all of this will make me stronger. I pray that tomorrow I can look into the mirror and see what Iris sees in me. A strong vibrant women because the only opponent I'm meeting halfway at this moment in time is darkness.

 _Hit review folks! Sorry for the delays…I'm working again and back!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

 _ **The Mother Is Child To The Man**_

As I lay in my bath tub, I think about him. I went to a self defense class with my mom and Donna tonight. A woman got mugged in our neighborhood this morning and my mom thought it was a good idea. I didn't realize how much anger I had in me. As I hit the dummy, I shamelessly thought of Dylan and Kelly. I couldn't help myself. I didn't tell anyone I told the instructor about the time last year when I got held up at gun point. Which led me to think about how supportive and sweet Dylan was during that time. Then I got angry thinking about him and Kelly. I know I can't beat the ever loving crap out of Kelly but shit it felt good to hit the dummy. Now that the adrenaline is gone, he comes back into my mind. I'm not quite sure when or how things got so screwed up. I know it was hard with my parents interference but after Paris everything settled down. I guess at that point it was too late. I wish I hadn't gone to Paris. Maybe I'd still have Dylan if I didn't.

I miss him so much. My heart physically hurts and there is this hole now. I always thought of myself as an independent woman. Life was always bigger than some guy. You're status in this world never was because of a man. Why do I feel so lost without him? I mean there was more to me than Dylan right?

At this point my fingers are resembling an old women so I get out of the tub. After fastening my robe and wrapping my wet hair in a towel I go to make some tea. I hear my parents talking in their bedroom. The door is open only a few inches but their voices are normal as I listen.

"I'm making a list of pros and cons about signing over the revocation of Dylan's trust." my father says.

I know what revocation means from our SATS, it means to put an end too. I take a couple quiet steps and listen.

"Ahhh…cons…Don't trust Jack McKay…Jack McKay won't invest wisely…Jack McKay is a known thief and ex con…Pros…Dylan deserves a father." my mother says sadly. "That's a lot of cons." she sighs.

"And one ex con." my father says calmly.

"And only one pro." she responds sadly.

My father sighs too, "Now you see my dilemma."

"Yes…I do honey." silence fills the bedroom as I listen.

"But…maybe it's time we let go of Dylan. We can't be surrogate parents forever." she breathes sadly, "I mean he isn't even going out with our daughter anymore." tears escape my eyes after hearing that. God how over and final does that sound?

I hear my dad thank my mom telling her thats what he needed to hear. What does Jack McKay want with Dylan's trust anyway? It can't be for good things. Is Dylan just giving him the money because he wants his father back? All these things run through my mind as I reenter my room, giving up on the tea. I begin to worry about him and then I want to hit myself because he isn't my concern. But who am I kidding I love him, of course I'm concerned about him. I just hope he's okay and I guess I'm an asshole because after what he did to me, he deserves whatever comes to him but I don't think that way. Not at all.

The next day after our self defense class I hear my father tell my mom that in 48 hours Dylan McKay will be a very rich man. I climb the stairs and see Brandon getting ready for work. I ask him if he's got a second. He says he does.

"I just heard dad tell mom that Dylan is finally getting all his money." I tell him.

"Wow…talk about rich."

"Yeah…it's kind of weird. Dylan was never really into money and now he's worth a fortune."

"Well at least now I know who I can hit up for some spare change." my brother jokes. I don't laugh. I don't even know how to anymore.

"Brandon…what would you do if you had 10 million dollars?"

He shrugs, "I don't know…pay off some debts…travel…make a movie by the Lakers…what about you?"

I hold back my tears, "Do you think it will change him?" I ask honestly.

"It might…money has been known to do that to people."

"I think it already has." I say solemnly. He's unrecognizable. I think about how Dylan used to be as I leave Brandon with that thought. He used to be so attentive and sweet. He loved me with every bone in his body and now it's like it never happened at all. I briefly wonder if Kelly cares about how rich Dylan will be. Then I remember how unlike me she is. She is all about money and status. Maybe they're meant to be? I would have been too plain and down to earth for him. They would be like this power couple. Dylan a rich business man with a trophy blonde wife on his arm. I cry hard at that revelation. And there it goes again. That heavy feeling in your chest when you don't feel any desire to speak or move. All you want to do is close your eyes and sleep, because the process of being broken is incredibly exhausting. You attempt your best to make your days fulfilling, but no matter how hard you try you can't seem to connect to anyone or anything. I thought Dylan was my forever. He had other plans.

As I get ready for school, I realize Im getting worse he has no idea. No one really does. I smile on the outside once in a while. Just enough to hide how broken I am. I miss me…the old me…the happy me…the bright me…the smiling me…the laughing me…the gone me. That Brenda Walsh is gone…she'll never be back, no matter how hard I try she is gone and sadly there is nothing I can do about it.

School is much the same. I eat lunch alone…make small talk with Donna and David in passing. Dylan isn't at school today so I don't have to ignore him in chem. I see Kelly from afar but I don't give her the time of day. I hear the whispered rumors swirling around about her and her reputation is taking a dive again. I don't even care…sadly I believe them. She is a home wrecker, a slut…but then when I think about that I think about Dylan and how he must be elated that he is finally with a girl that is comfortable in her sexuality. Dylan and I had a good physical relationship, but even after a few years I was still insecure about it. Dylan had a way of making me feel safe and loved but I could only imagine now. Kelly probably didn't have curfew, she could stay the night over at his house. They could play a married couple better than Dylan and I ever had. When I lived with him for that brief week, we didn't even sleep in the same bed because of my fears and insecurities about my parents and disappointing them. He is probably so relieved to be rid of me and my childish shit. Maybe that's why he doesn't love me anymore.

As Brandon and I walk in after school, we see my parents sitting on the couch in the living room, eyes staring at the TV. Somber expressions on their faces. Tears in my mother eyes. Brandon looks at me concerned as we make our way in. There on the Tv the reporter is talking about the brutal murder of Jack McKay.

"Oh my god." I whisper. "Jack's dead?"

My parents look at me. and nod silently. "Oh my god…what about Dylan?" I say out loud. My mother gets up and hugs me. I feel my brothers hand on my shoulder as I cry. I didn't know Jack, only bits and pieces from what Dylan had confided in me. They were never good things but I also knew how much Dylan wanted a family. I didn't have to be going out with him to know he looked at this second chance with his dad as just that. He must be devastated.

"Look at all those reporters." Brandon said concerned, "Look all in front of Dylan's house. Dylan must be freaking out."

"Yeah." I whsipered, "He never liked attention like this." I speak sadly, already I'm in the dark with losing Dylan and now I just want to hug him. But that isn't possible. I excuse myself and go to my room. Dylan needs help and my pride is busting at the seams. After almost a whole day. I walk into the kitchen to talk to mom and dad.

"Mom…Dad…Dylan needs us." I say timidly. My heart bursting with sadness and pain.

"I know honey, I'll go over there and talk to him."

"He should be here…we're the only family he has. He can't be holed up in his house with all those reporters everywhere."

My father and mother look at me surprised. "Change of heart?" my father asks sadly. "We were just talking about this exact thing but we figured for your sake, it wasn't a good idea."

I crossed my arms and looked down, I can't be this person, it's not me. I look into my dads eyes, tears fill them, "Go bring him home dad. I insist. Dylan needs us and no matter what has happened with me and him. It's not bigger than this." I confirm and my heart beats widely in my chest. My father hugs me and tells me how mature I am being and that he is proud of me. I just can't even comprehend much of what he is saying. I'm going to have to converse with Dylan. He will be living here in this house possibly. As he lets me go, I shake at the thought. Nerves shoot through me and for one second I want to take it back. But I know I can't because its the truth…it's the right thing to do. At least I know that part of me isn't gone. The descent side of me. My father leaves to go to Dylan's and I wait nervously in the kitchen. I'm pacing back and forth and Brandon jokes about me needing ice cream. I can't even fathom eating anything.

"You letting Dylan stay here is a really nice gesture." he says as he watches me pace back and forth.

"Yeah." I cross my arms and look at the floor of the kitchen as I trace along it.

"What's wrong?" he asks concerning.

I swallow hard and look at my brother, "I'm just kind of scared." I tell him honestly.

He looks at me and nods, "So is he." he says truthfully and things go into perspective.

My mother then moves into the kitchen, "I think they're here." she goes and looks out the back door. She opens it as I stand petrified next to Brandon. My father walks in. He looks drained and somber.

"Where's Dylan?" and for a moment my heart breaks. He didn't want to come. He doesn't even want our help…my help.

"He's looking at the back yard." he says troublesome. Oh my god her's here. I look at Brandon, not sure what to do. Again I'm shaking with fear.

"I'll go talk to him." he moves and heads out back.

I watch them from the window. Brandon leaves the door open but I stay hidden. My parents leave the kitchen and I just watch. He has his back to the house. He is staring out at the yard in silence. His arms crossed in front of him. I hear Brandon approach him.

"Hey D." he says quietly.

"Hey B…how you doing?" he tries to seem normal. I know by his voice he is not.

"How you doing?" Brandon asks him as he stands next to him.

"I'm here." Dylan whispers.

"You want me to take these bags up for you?"

"What are you the bell boy?" At least he still has a little of his sense of humor.

"For you? Yeah." Brandon smiles, Dylan still looks out into the yard.

"You know what I love about your backyard man?"

"What?"

"It looks the same today, same as it did yesterday. The day before that…the day before that." I walk out. I can't take it anymore. I freeze now being in the same vicinity as him. I'd ignored him for what seems like forever even though it's only been weeks. I haven't even seen his face since that day in the park, not really anyway. I step up on the deck.

"You know us Walsh's boring and predictable." Brandon gives him a smile.

Dylan looks at him, "All except one." I play with my hands nervously. He's talking about me and nervous butterflies are fluttering around in my belly.

My voice comes out and I'm not even sure how, "Are you guys going to come inside…it's pretty cold out here. Dylan turns and my heart stops. He stares at me. His eyes are piercing into mine. He looks as broken as I feel. I stare back, wanting to run to him. Wanting to run to him and throw my arms around him. Kiss his face and tell him that everything will be alright. I want to hold him as he cries to me. He would tell me, I had my father back Bren…and now he's gone. His eyes are intense and I swear he can see through me. I fidget a little, scared of what he'll see. He walks up to me I see his arms raise to embrace me but he stops. Like he remembers he isn't allowed too. I turn and go into the house and I can feel his eyes on my back. Dylan is back here, he's looking at me with those intense eyes and for a moment I feel warm. The hole in my heart squeezes shut then opens again. God I love him. As we climb the steps. My arm brushes his and electricity sparks between us. I look at him, he is looking back at me. Did he feel it too? He slowly moves my hair of my shoulder and my eyes close. As the electricity returns.

"Are you okay Bren?" he asks worried. His eyes taking in my appearance. He sees something and I look away quickly, afraid that he sees I'm not doing well. I move past him up the steps, I nod and can't be that close to him. I hear him sigh disappointed but then we make it to Brandon's room.

We chat briefly about the upcoming funeral and I watch him, he's at the brink of falling apart. I know him too well. All of a sudden he turns to me. He looks pained.

"Look Bren…I just want to thank you for letting me stay here." His expression scrunches like he feels terrible and my heart breaks for him.

"Dylan…you don't have to say anything. In fact I want to apologize to you. I'm sorry it took me a whole day to swallow my pride and do the right thing." he looks down at me. Calming a little by my words. He looks like he wants to touch me again, but doesnt.

Brandon excuses himself feeling the tension and thinks maybe he should leave us alone. Dylan is looking down, not looking into my eyes. I reach for his hand. He grips it tightly and looks into my eyes. I look up at him, my heart breaking at his sad guilty broken expression.

"You know its going to be ok." I tell him finally. My eyes looking into his soul.

He looks at our clasps hands and then back at me. He squeezes my hand hand.

"Just keep telling me that will ya." he says sadly. He looks down sadly and moves to finish making his cot. Our hands separate and I instantly feel the loss. I take a deep breath and look down at how different things are now. I want to hold him…but I can't. I'm not his person anymore. He has a person…a girlfriend…and its not me. I lift my eyes and he is looking at me. He's trying to read me so I excuse myself and head to the adjoining bathroom. I need the space because I can't control my emotions around him. It's ok to be sad right now because his father died, but my sadness is so much more than that. I feel like if I sit there any longer, he'll know that he broke me.

"Bren?" He calls out to me as I hit the doorway. I turn slowly and look at his guilty sad eyes. "I'm sorry." he says sadly. He doesn't elaborate. He doesn't say anything he just stares with those eyes, those eyes I could stare into all day. I don't say anything and move through the bathroom. I look at him one last time. My eyes imploring his. He's still watching me as I watch him as I slowly close my door with a click. My back hits it as I close my eyes and allow the tears to finally fall. The darkness is still around…but feeling him in the next room, gives me a small piece of comfort.

 _Ok so thanks for being patient with me with this story. I have to re-watch it because I hate this season and its so hard. I do love this episode though. I have to warn you guys, there will be stuff we didn't see in the show. This story is to follow Brenda's depression, there will be difference, there will be more. Like there should have been if the writers hadn't punished Shannen by punishing Brenda. Dylan will have moments with her. Kelly will be an asshole as usual. This will NOT follow the regular storylines. Please review. I hope there are still people reading this one. Up next Dylan's POV. Dylan is going through a very tough time. He is on the verge of drinking. he is overloaded with sadness and his nightmares but even through all that…he'll notice Brenda and her sadness. There is your hints. Tell me EVERYTHING!_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

 _ **Endless Love**_

Staying here at the Walsh house was a good idea. When Jim came over and offered me a place to stay, my first thought was Brenda had made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. Then he told me she had a change of heart because she was the one that insisted he bring me back. It was her idea. At that moment my heart for one second didn't feel so empty. I know she is only doing it because my dad died. But thats alright.

It's quiet here…there are no reporters outside…food on the table, not like I ate it though. Bren's here…Bren. I noticed she didn't eat much either. She looked down at her plate a lot and moved her chicken around pretending to eat. I tried not to be obvious as I sat across from her. I couldn't just openly stare but my eyes always went back to her. She looked paler, thinner, she looked as lost as I felt. Still beautiful but different. Maybe she feels badly for me. Plus I know it's probably awkward for her. Days ago she wouldn't even look at me. In Chem, she sits away from me, towards the board, takes notes or doodles in her notebook. I couldn't help but watch her. I know it's not fair to expect her to talk to me. I know I hurt her. It doesn't make it easier though. I hadn't tried to since about a week after the dreaded park. I have to admit, and I didn't tell Kelly this. As soon as I saw her face, I knew telling her together was a mistake. I owed her more than that. Honesty Kelly had made such a big deal about telling her the truth, I went along with the plan. But Bren's eyes…as she cried and looked at me. It literally broke my heart. I won't ever forget that look. I was a coward and couldn't even look at her. I will always regret that.

That day in class, when I wanted to talk to her. I wasn't really sure what I wanted to say. I guess that I was sorry. Sorry I hurt her. Sorry she trusted me and I let her down. I loved Brenda, things just got too heavy and her fathers interference and my dad coming back into my life, the fact Jim hated him made things so much more difficult. I'll also admit that the fact she didn't come to my dads welcome home party stung deep, Brenda was my best friend, she knew how important having my dad back in my life was. It all seems so dumb now that Jack's gone. Jack. I was looking forward to spending time with my dad. But the fact she let me stay here right now, means so much more to me than she will ever know. I know she hates me and she has every right too. When I got here today. When she spoke, her voice felt like home. When I looked into her eyes, I wanted her to hold me, tell me that everything would be okay. She just stood there and I knew why because she isn't my girl anymore. It would have been weird for her to run in my arms and kiss me and be there for me like that. But I'm not going to lie and say I didn't want her too. Brenda has been my person for years. I hate that its so different with us now. I reached for her but stopped myself. My heart is broken over my fathers death and I couldn't take that rejection right now from her. She means to much to me and I know I wouldn't be able to physically handle that right now. When I brushed up against her, I felt that familiar electricity we had when we were together. That hasn't gone away. When she grabbed my hand to tell me everything would be ok, I almost broke down. Because since I had gotten there, thats all I wanted to hear from her. I even told her to keep telling me that. At least I got to tell her I was sorry. I didn't go into it and I know that doesn't make things better. But I needed to tell her because it was true. I had been sorry, I had wanted to do things differently. Here she was putting her anger aside to help me and it just showed what kind of a person she was. She was good and decent. Which I always knew. There is a sadness in her eyes that I have never seen before. I hope its not just because Im here. It's weird since I've been here I haven't thought about my own girlfriend. It's probably because of all this shit thats going on in my head, I think thats it. I miss Brenda…I miss Jack…I miss my old life. The one that doesn't hurt this bad. I feel so empty and alone.

Fuck I can't sleep…every time I close my eyes I see him blow up in front of me. Then I think about how I should have been the one in that car. Brandon is snoring softly in his bed sound asleep and I'm jealous he's able to. I haven't slept in two days. The urge to go into Brenda's room and hold her or have her hold me is overwhelming and I know I shouldn't be thinking it. I don't deserve that kind of comfort from her. It's not fair. It's not fair to expect it, want it, need it. Maybe some water is what I need. I try to be as quiet as I can as I go down stairs. As I step into the living room my mind is playing tricks on me as I stare towards the liquor cabinet. I hear myself talking to be, as if I'm outside of my body. It would be nice to escape, if only for the night. The cabinet is opened like it's expecting me. What should I do should I call my sponsor? Wake up Jim and Cindy so they can tell me I'm like a son to them, when I had never been good enough for their daughter? Why am I torturing myself? What do I want right now? I want to hate Jack…so I won't miss him but that's not gonna work because I remember the other day. When he put his arm around me and just for that second it felt like somebody loved me. I know I'm going down. I know that I'm not good at handing this kind of stuff. So should it be cold stone sober…or feeling no pain? I reach for the bottle and hold it against my chest. Slowly I lift it to my lips and down a quarter of the full bottle of scotch. My eyes close as I feel the burn run down my throat, clutching the bottle to my chest again.

"Dylan?" I hear her, she sounds like an angel. My eyes close…is this my mind playing tricks on me still? "Are you alright?" she speaks again, my back towards her. I shake my head that I'm not alright, then she is in front of me. She looks at the bottle I hold against me. I look into her eyes and I see worry and pity and disappointment and I hate it. "I know it's hard Dylan but this isn't the way to get through it. Her hands cover mine on the bottle. "You don't need it."

"I need you." I say truthfully. I know it's not fair, but I say it anyway. She doesn't say anything as she takes the bottle from me. She screws on the cap and I watch her put it away, and close the liquor cabinet. She stares at me and tears brim her eyes and I hate myself for making her cry.

She walks towards me and takes my hand, I grip it like it gives me life and follow her up the stairs. I don't want her to leave me but I can't ask her that. I already selfishly told her I needed her. As we get to the top she guides me, holding my hand tightly to her bedroom. She opens the door and pulls me through it. She closes her door quietly and then she lets my hand go and I instantly feel the loss and hate it. I stand by her door nervously and watch her as she crawls onto her bed. She gets comfortable and looks at me, she doesn't say anything but I move towards her. I crawl on to her bed, my arms wrap around her waist and my head finds her chest. A second passes and her arms are around me, her head leaning on mine. As soon as I feel her comfort me I break down and cry. She lets me, her warm hand running down my head, her gentle fingers play with the back of my hair like she used to.

"It's okay." she whispers and her gentle caress and love makes me cry harder.

"I don't deserve this." I whisper into he chest.

"No…you don't…you deserved having your dad back in your life, it isn't fair." she whispers back.

That's not what I mean, "No I mean…I don't deserve you." I correct her.

She doesn't say anything and I squeeze her tighter. It feels good to be this close to her. It feels right, like this is where I'm suppose to be. I feel her kiss my head not once but twice as she pushes back my hair back, her chin rests on the top of my head and she just holds me. I close my eyes. For once in the last 2 days, nightmares don't haunt me. I'm at peace and within minutes I fall asleep.

My eyes open and I take in my surroundings. I remember coming into Brenda's room with her. I still am holding on to her like she is my savior. The soft light of the morning is cracking through her blinds and I look at her alarm clock to note the time. It's only 5 am. I slowly loosen my hold on her and sit up a little and look at my angel. She is sleeping, almost sitting up and she looks peaceful. I know in my heart that I want to stay with her, but the logical side of my brain doesn't want to start world war 3 with Jim either. I watch her sleep for a moment. Her chest rising and falling slowly. I reach up gently and brush her bangs back lightly like a feather and lean in and kiss her forehead. My eyes close taking in her scent as my lips rest against her. I back away and watch her again. She moves subtly but she doesn't wake. I try to be quiet as I get out of her bed and head for the bathroom. As I open the door silently I turn to look at her one last time. Brenda is certainly an angel…she's my angel. Whether she wants to be or not. I silently move through the bathroom and I feel like I don't even exhale my breath until I'm laying in the cot. The house still quiet and in slumber. I turn my head towards the closed bathroom door once more, a small sad smile reaches my face. the first one in days. My eyes close and there I dream of Brenda. We are smiling and laughing and kissing. Like the old days. It brings my heart warmth and peace as I drift back to sleep.

I get a couple more hours of rest in and when I wake up the second time. Brandon is not in his bed. I see that I have to be at the funeral in less than an hour so I solemnly get dressed in my suit. I stand in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. I don't recognize myself. I try desperately to tie my stupid tie and it isn't working. I can't believe I'm getting ready for my fathers funeral and tears fill my eyes. My chest is heavy and I try to take 2 breaths to clear the anxiety that I feel coming on.

A knock brings me back, "Yeah…come in." I get out and the bathroom door opens. I look down and turn towards it seeing it's Brenda. She is dressed in a black striped suit and she looks at me sadly. Memories of the night before and her holding me come to the front of my mind and I nervously fidget with my stupid tie. I look down and my hand comes over my mouth as I cry, then my eyes meet hers. I feel like a little kid and the vulnerably shows through as I try to hide how upset I am. She sees right through me as she walks a few steps into the bathroom.

"You about ready?" she asks me.

I nod my head and pull at my tie again, "Do I have to wear this tie?" my voice is shaky and I just look at her kind eyes.

She shakes her head, "Not if you don't want to."

I pull at it and take it off, then I look at her again. She has tears in her eyes as she watches me and I look down feeling guilty again for needing her.

"Shall we go?" she asks sweetly.

"If you say so." I answer, I'm really dreading this part. I hate funerals. She turns around back into her bedroom and I follow her unbuttoning the top button of my shirt. For the first time I take in her room. Now in the light because the night before I hadn't noticed. My heart aches as I look around at the difference. I breath heavily hurt as I notice all the pictures, cards and any trace of our love is gone.

"You threw away all my stuff huh…you took down all the pictures?" My heart breaks a little more as I look at her nervously.

"No…there just packed away in a box in the garage." she explains.

"Out of sight out of mind?" I don't know why this hurts me so much. Did I expect her to still have them out. I know it isn't fair of me to ask, or care but I do…I do a lot.

"Dylan you've never been out of my mind." My heart aches. She is too kind for her own good.

Reality sets in, "Bren…if this hadn't happened I wouldn't be welcome here." My voice cracks and I realize I'm crying again. Last night and her being there for me, it's because my dad died and she feels sorry for me. I hate it.

Tears fill her eyes, "Dylan." she looks away from me for a second almost to collect herself and then back at me. "You and Kelly hurt me pretty badly. But its nothing compared to what your going through." I look down before my sad eyes meet hers. "And in the grand scheme of things…you'll look back years from now and I'll just be a girl you knew in high school."

I shake my head, she is so wrong she is so damn special to me. "No you won't." I say tears in my voice and in my eyes, "No you wont Bren…not after everything." I whisper and move toward her. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly. My face goes into her neck as my eyes close.

She holds me close to her, "It's nice to know." she says quietly and I squeeze her tighter. I don't want to let her go. She is so much more to me than just some girl. She was the only woman that I ever loved. I loved her more than I ever thought I could love anybody. Bren and me had a once in a lifetime love. I hate to think it but it's true. It's too bad for us that our once in a lifetime happened when we were too young to handle it. She pats my back and I take the hint she wants to end our embrace.

"We better get going." she says, her voice breaking. Like it was hard for her to let go too.

She backs away from me slowly and I feel empty again. I knew from the start of us that I loved her and knew, as well, that I would never fall back from that love, never try, never want to. This girl would always have my heart and at that moment in time I regretted messing it up.

"Do me a favor Bren." she turns and looks at me, "Will you help me tie this thing?" I smile at her and sniff. She smiles back and my heart explodes. I hadn't seen her smile in so long. Maybe even since we were together and it's a light at the end of the tunnel for me. She reaches and pulls my collar up and begins to tie the tie. I watch her. She is concentrating on it but my eyes don't leave her face. She is so beautiful and I don't even think she knows. She finishes quickly and runs her hand down it as she looks at my chest, admiring her work. I raise my hand and cover hers with my own. Her eyes lift and look into mine.

"Thank you Bren." I tell her sincerly. She stares back at me and my eyes glance at her lips. Without even thinking I lean in and brush mine against hers, opening them onto hers senually. She freezes and my heart breaks she isn't responding to it. Then her hand comes to my face and she finally gives in. I push my tongue into her mouth and it meets hers greedily. My arms are around her waist pulling her closer to me. My mouth opens against hers as we switch sides. She tastes sweet and familiar and our kiss is heated and intense. She pushes at me lightly and backs away. She is looking down, her eyes are closed from what I can see.

"Dylan." she whispers.

"I'm sorry." I shake my head as the guilt rushes me. I need this girl like I need air but I fucked everything up. She has been nothing but amazing to me since I got here and I feel like she thinks I'm taking advantage of her kindness.

She finally raises her eyes to mine. I search them for anything she will give me but she is hard to read. Her eyes aren't forth telling and I have no idea what she is thinking.

"Let's go huh." she says nicely and all I can do is nod. We don't speak about it as I follow her out of her room and down the stairs. The Walsh's are waiting down stairs ready to go. We all climb into Jim's car and head to the funeral home. Brenda is sitting next to me in the middle, her hand laying next to her thigh. I brush my thumb against it softly and caress it. Her eyes look down at it, then they meet mine. Her eyes look into my soul and without breaking our stare her fingers intertwine with mine.

 _ok so two chapters in one day. Woo Hoo! So what did you think? Next up we see into Brenda's mind about all this. The rest of the funeral, Kelly being well kelly. Did you love the new added moments as much as I did. I don't know how many of you know this but Chuck Rosen recently said that they had planned to get Brenda and Dylan back together this episode. Brenda was suppose to show that she knew ow to handle Dylan and his heartbreak better than anyone and they were suppose to reunite. She was the only one that understood him. Shannen showed up late and Chuck had the writers change the script. This is my way of righting the wrong treatment of Shannen…by punishing Brenda. Please review. I love the interest in this because this story is special to me and I've been wanting to do it for a long time. I feel like we've all been here. These dark places and it's interesting to write about it. I hope I did it justice._


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

 _ **Wicked Game**_

 _The world was on fire and no one could save me but you._

I couldn't sleep. The thought of Dylan in the next room, so close yet so far away clouded my brain. I knew he was spiraling. I could see it in his eyes. During dinner, I tried to look at my plate of food because every time I looked at those eyes, they were staring back at me. He looked broken. I didn't know what was appropriate. I could be his friend, swallow my pride and be the decent person I knew was in there somewhere and be there for this broken boy that I loved more than life itself or I could pull away like I had done these past few weeks so well. Let Brandon or his actual girlfriend be there for him. I hadn't eaten much these past few weeks and I knew Dylan noticed. I had lost probably 7 pounds. Just the fact my jeans felt loose, I knew this. I didn't go out much besides school and I knew my skin was in desperate need of vitamin D. I saw the way he looked at me and it made me uncomfortable. I may have lost a lot of myself since Dylan chose but I did have a small small sliver of pride left in there. I didn't want him to know how lost I was without him.

I trucked down the stairs, maybe some warm milk would help? At least down stairs his presence wouldn't be so damn close to me. The house was silent, my heart pulled me towards the living room.

 _It's strange what desire will make foolish people do._

I felt him. I knew he was close. As I turned the corner, he was standing 5 feet away from me, facing the book shelf. Even his back looked broken.

"Dylan?" My voice came out. I don't know why. "Are you alright?" I asked wholeheartedly. I watched him look down and shake his head. He was not alright, I knew this already. I saw it in his face, his eyes. He was broken too. For a different reason obviously. I couldn't imagine losing one of my parents. My feet led the way as I walked around him and stood in front of him. Then I saw the bottle. This was what I had feared all along. In the back of my mind. When Dylan spiraled, he reached for the bottle. My eyes stared into his, my broken heart took a back seat as I realized this was so much bigger than Dylan choosing Kelly. The desire to be there for him was overwhelming and it was like I had no control over myself.

"I know it's hard Dylan but this isn't the way to get through it." My hands covered his hand as he gripped the bottle against his chest. "You don't need it." He was better than this. He was stronger than he knew. I hadn't seen Dylan go through something of this magnitude before but I knew he was a lot more capable of dealing with the bad then he allowed himself too. I took the bottle from him and put it away. As I looked at him he spoke.

"I need you." my heart ached. Tears filled my eyes and my belly flipped with nervous tingles. Did he even realize how much I wanted to hear him say that? Just those simple words flowed around me. I felt warm and needed. I walked towards him and took his hand. He clinged to me at that moment and I didn't care what was appropriate. I loved him. I loved him so much it physically hurt me to see him like this.

 _I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you._

 _And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you._

As we got into my bedroom, I left what came next up to him. I crawled onto my bed and just looked at him. It only took a second as he crawled on there to join me. His strong arms around my waist, his head on my chest. He must have felt my heart beating because it felt rapid at that moment. A second passed as my arms came around him, my head laying against his. I close my eyes. It feels so good to feel him. To be close to him again. I feel him sob into my chest. He tightens his hold on me and I comfort him. Brushing down his soft head. I play with his hair in the back like I always used to. When we would cuddle, watching a movie, after sex.

"It's okay." I whisper.

"I don't deserve this." he says heartbroken and I agree. No matter what Dylan has done to me, he doesn't deserve this punishment.

"No…you don't…you deserved having your dad back in your life."

"No…I don't deserve you." he corrects me. He isn't talking about his father right now. He's talking about the fact he had hurt me, and he doesn't deserve my kindness or comfort which is ridiculous. Everyone deserves comfort after a thing like this happens. I'm just happy he is letting me. That it isn't awkward or weird. I don't say anything and I feel him squeeze me tighter. Out of habit I kiss his head a few times and continue to hold him.

 _No, I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)_

 _No, I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)_

 _With you_

Too late. My eyes close and for the first time in weeks all feels right to be in each others arms. Like it's suppose to be like this always not just now. He feels so warm and close, I have been so lost without him, like I couldn't find my way back home. This feels like home. For once in the past few weeks, I fall asleep, content, warm, safe and nightmares of Dylan and Kelly don't cloud my mind. For once…I'm at peace.

I had the best dream about Dylan last night. As I held him, I dreamt that he was hugging me, thanking me and he kissed me. It felt like old times. I wake up alone and feel empty.

 _What a wicked game you play to make me feel this way._

 _What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you._

I know the funeral starts in a couple hours so I take that time to shower and get ready. Knowing there is now 3 people that have to share that bathroom. I wear a black skirted suit with pinstripes that I hadn't worn possibly ever. I put myself together and for the first time it's a little easier to get presentable. I join my family down in the kitchen for breakfast. Instead of sitting to join them I stand in the corner and look outside. There is a reporter out there but only one, he looks restless. People are such assholes. I realize he must have followed Dylan and my father there but he was the only one so none of the other papers must have stooped that low.

"What does Dylan like for breakfast?" My mom asks. _black coffee,_ I think but Brandon speaks out.

"Black coffee." he replies.

My mom huffs and she doesn't say it out loud but I know what she is thinking, _but breakfast is the most important meal of the day._

"Dylan's…not really a morning person." I say truthfully as I stare at the channel 12 van. I know Dylan like the back of my hand. I can tell if he's in a bad mood, if something is bothering him, if he is grouchy from the lack of sleep, if he is excited or happy about something, horny…which is a lot of the time. I know every look, every brooding facial expression. There was time when he was so hard to read and now I feel like I know exactly what he's thinking at any given moment. I look down and wonder if Kelly does too. Then I shake that thought out of my head because I don't want to think about it.

"Except when he's surfing." Brandon says and that's true too. He hates to get up early but if the south swells are calling his name, if the surf is happening, he'd wake up before the sun came up.

I turn from the window, "Yeah…well…he's not going surfing today." I say sadly as I walk to my seat at the kitchen table. Today, Dylan is saying goodbye to his father.

"You know he said he hadn't slept since the explosion, but I didn't hear a peep from him all night, must have went out like a light." I look down knowing why. He slept with me. I keep my eyes to the empty plate in front of me as my fingers absently play with the napkin that is there.

"Well…we'll just let him sleep then. The funeral doesn't start for another hour." my mom says kindly.

My father walks out reading the paper. "Is that reporter still out there?" I had seen him minutes earlier but it had looked like he had finally given up.

"Nope." my father says simply, "No one is out there but this, on the front page again. Dylan's picture no less."

I hear my mom gasp, "You're kidding?"

"Why can't they just leave him alone?" I say angrily, Dylan is going to hate this. He is going to hate the attention and I want to protect him from it.

"Well…it's a valid news story Bren," my brother the voice of his inner reporter speaking up. I get it, I do. I don't have to write for The Blaze to know this but still, Dylan is hurting, he doesn't need this shit.

"What does it say?" my mother asks interested.

"Well there are two articles, Death of crooked sales man and FBI to probe McKay's mob ties." Brandon hands me the newspaper.

I read the filth, "I don't think we should let Dylan see this this morning." I say truthfully. No way should he see this ever. He's hurting enough.

"I agree." my mom says. "I think he's had enough news for one week." she adds and I couldn't agree more.

"I think we all have." Brandon says and he's right too. This is all so fucked up. I toss the paper down with a huff and my hand goes to my forehead. Poor Dylan. I don't speak the rest of breakfast and I don't eat either. I have a small glass of orange juice to settle my stomach and even that doesn't help at all. I think about last night. How desperate he was for affection. I don't think it had to do with me per say, just showed how lost he was. I wouldn't tell anyone about our moment. It's none of anyones business. Dylan needed me and deep in my heart I needed him too. In more ways than he even knows. It isn't easy to take care of myself in all of this, but it's been easy to take care of him, I would always take care of Dylan, but he wont take care of me. I realize once this is over everything will go back to the way it was. Well Dylan probably will never be the same deep inside, but he'll move back to his home, Kelly will still be his girlfriend, and I'll still be here, alone and heartbroken. That thought kills me inside as I walk into my bedroom.

 _What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way._

 _What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you_

I know we have to leave in about 15 minutes for the funeral and I see my bathroom door closed. I hear heavy breaths and I know he's trying to calm himself. I knock a couple times and after a beat I hear him tell me to come in. When I open the door I'm faced with my Dylan, broken and lost. He's fidgeting nervously, he looks like a little boy that needs help finding his way home. He is looking down and fumbling with his tie, trying to hide his anxiety and sadness, why I don't know because I know he's hurting, I see through him. My heart aches for him. I ask him if he's ready to go and he simply nods and cries. He is still fumbling with the tie and he asks if he has to wear it. I tell him no. He looks at me, memories coming back of the night before, how easy it was to hold each other and today feels like this big question of what is appropriate again. It's a little awkward and I hate it.

I walk into my bedroom and I hear Dylan take two sad breaths, behind me, big hurt filled sighs. He is looking around, he's upset but this doesn't have to do with his dad, he looks as though I hurt his feelings.

"You threw away all my stuff…you took down all the pictures?" his voice breaks. I don't smile but my inside does for a second, he noticed and it doesn't look like he is happy about it.

"No." I shake my head, "There just packed away in a box in the garage." I explain.

He swallows hard, "Out of sight out of mind?"

Is he serious? "Dylan you've never been out of my mind." I say honestly not caring how pathetic I sound. I didn't get rid of the pictures and stuff because I hated him so much I wanted him out of my head, I took them down because I couldn't breathe when I looked at them. His face is still hurt. He cares but he doesn't tell me that. It's like at this moment he realizes how far in this break up we are and I want to take away his hurt feelings. It's so stupid to think about, he's the one that broke my heart. He's the one that broke me. But seeing his hurt face makes me want to run down to the garage and take everything out to show him I still have everything. I still have the necklace he gave me, the cards he had given me. The love letters he would leave in my locker in between class, the endless pictures we took together when we were so in love we couldn't breathe.

"Bren…if this hadn't happened I wouldn't be welcome here." he says broken. Like he knows the only reason I'm talking to him is because I feel bad for him. And that's half true, but not all true. The truth is, I don't know who I am without him. It might not have been today or yesterday but I would have talked to him again. I would have ached to be near him anyway. I would have wanted to hold him, an comfort him in whatever life threw at him anyway. I look to the wall, trying to control my emotions. I'm seconds away from breaking down and I breathe out trying to stop.

 _And I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)_

 _No, I don't want to fall in love (this girl is only gonna break your heart)_

 _With you_

Dylan's dad died, this moment is not about us, it's not about how lost I am without him or how he he chose a life with my once best friend over me.

"Dylan…you and Kelly hurt me pretty badly." I explain, "But it's nothing compared to what you're going through." my break beats wildly and take a deep breath as reality sets in that we are done. He is looking down, taking in my words then I say something that I have been thinking ever since we broke up. I've been thinking about how god damn special he is to me. How I will always remember him as the boy who took my heart, who showed me what it was like to love another so deeply, so intensely, the boy who took my innocence as I became a woman. He made me feel the ache not only in my heart but in my groin for the physical connection of a relationship. He was my first love, the first boy I gave my heart too…and he'd always have a part of it.

"And in the grand scheme of things…you'll look back years from now, and I'll just be a girl you knew in high school." The whole in my heart expanded, I was falling again in darkness right before his eyes. He shook his head quickly and I grabbed the imaginary branch tightly, holding on for dear life.

"No you won't." I stared into his eyes, "No you wont Bren." he moved quickly and took me into his arms, "Not after everything." His face went into my neck and tears fell from my eyes. Relief that I had meant something anything to him washed over me.

"It's nice to know." I said softly. My breathe got caught in my throat. I wanted him so much. I wanted him back so much it physically made my stomach hurt. He clung to me and I closed my eyes feeling him embrace me. His hands pulling me closer around my waist. The hug was long and intense and before I did something foolish like kiss him then to feel the rejection because he didn't want me like that. I patted his back, not wanting to be away from him, but not wanting this moment to be ruined by the reminder that he hadn't chosen me. He pulled away slowly and sniffed like he had been crying too.

"Do me a favor Bren." _Anything_ my head whispered. "Will you help me tie this thing?" he smiled at me and I smiled back for the first time in weeks. The relief of a tiny bit of humor warmed me in this serious moment. It was a small small light at the end of my despair and I clung to it. It seemed so far away but I could see it.

I moved closer to him and raised his collar. I felt his eyes on me as I tied his tie. Something this small, I had done so many times before seemed so intimate. I admired my work and stared at his broad chest. Dylan did always clean up nicely. He could wear a suit like no other man had. His shoulders were broad and strong. He was lean and fit but the suit jacket always made him look perfectly proportioned and masculine. I feel his hand on mine as it lay on his chest against his tie. My eyes lift to his and I see a look I have missed so much. it's passionate, and lovely and lust filled. He thanks me and before I can even move, his warm lips are on mine.

 _The world was on fire and no one could save me but you_

 _It's strange what desire will make foolish people do_

I freeze, my heart skips, my breath stuck in my chest. Naturally my hand finds his face, as I deepen it. His tongue pushes to meet mine and sparks fly around us. Our heads are switching sides for dominance, our breathes are filling each others mouths. Before a moan can escape my mouth because funeral aside I want to ravish him. My hormones and feelings in overdrive I gently push him away. He isn't mine. He belongs to her now.

"Dylan." I whisper. Even though I can care less of Kelly's feelings, I do care about Dylan's and he is drowning in the loss of his father. I can't get swept away by this. It isn't real. He doesn't love me anymore and even though this kiss is everything to me I have to stop it.

"I'm sorry." he breathes feeling guilty and I know…I feel guilty too. Two broken people shouldn't cling to each other just because of loss.

I looked at him. Wanting to tell him I love him. I want to tell him I miss him, I wanted to talk about it, but damn it it wasn't the right time. I wanted to scream it, I wanted to yell at him for breaking my heart, I wanted to shout about it, to cry over it, to hold on to him and tell him to come back, that things would be different, they would be better. But all I could do was whisper, "Let's go huh?"

He nods and follows me down stairs as we load into the car. Everything that happened since Dylan came to my house flooded over me. Half of me felt better because he was here, we had connected again but the other half was farther into the darkness because of it. I felt his thumb trace my hand gently. I look at our hands, his thumb caressing it softly. My eyes lift to his. I see into his soul and he sees into mine too. I keep my stare as I intertwine his fingers with mine. That is where they stay, that is where they stay as we walk into the funeral home, through the service. We cry and my hand grips his as he breaks down during the funeral. His hand never releases mine, never needs too, never wants too. Until we are all gathered in the lobby of the funeral room is when he lets go.

 _I'd never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you_

 _And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you_

Kelly is there, talking to a blonde women I heard Brandon say was Jack's finance. How awful. Dylan ignores the gang and walks into the back room. I know the attention and crowd makes him nervous. He was never one to open up to just anyone. He ignores Kelly as her attention looks towards him as he retreats into the back room. I hadn't thought much of her in all this. She was bound to come to the house after, I mean Dylan was her boyfriend, he needed her. The thought made my stomach hurt and I felt nauseous. I sit next to Brandon and he eyes me worried.

"I'm fine." I whisper, he just touches my arm and nods and continues talking quietly to Steve and Andrea. I look at my hands as they ring together in my lap. My attention goes over to Kelly and Christine again, they hug like they are really close and it dawns on me, she probably has spent a lot of time with her, since her and Dylan were together and Jack and Christine were too. The thought stings since I don't know her at all. A flash of dinners with Jack and Christine and me and Dylan appear in my mind. Happy together, sharing not only my life and family with him but him sharing his. I'm jealous…and I hate it.

"I guess this is goodbye for us too." Kelly tells her.

"Well…I'll see you at the Walsh's later." I hear Christine say.

"I think I'm going to skip it." Kelly says. There is bitterness in her voice.

"Why?" Christine asks sadly.

Kelly looks down uncomfortably, _yeah please tell her Kelly_. I'm not sure where that anger comes from at that particular moment but it definitely isn't foreign.

"I just don't want to intrude."

My attention goes to my mom who whispers to me, "Make sure Christine has our address Brenda."

I sigh and nod getting up moving towards them. "Excuse me Christine?" my voice is stronger than I feel. Kelly looks at me but I don't look at her. "My mom wanted me to make sure you have our address." I tell her.

She is a pretty woman as she smiles at me and nods, "Yes…I do…thank you." Her smile is sad but genuine. I can imagine losing the love of your life, but not in death. I can't imagine that.

I look at Kelly. Her eyes meet mine and the decent part of me speaks even though she is the last person I want to talk to. "And Kelly…you remember how to get there right?" I say semi weirdly but it's sincere, as sincere as I can be. Instinctually I kind of want to smack her but know I can't and this isn't the place.

She swallows hard and I see hope in her eyes, hope she isn't going to get from me again, "I think I can find it." she says simply and I just nod and walk away. That was enough for the day. I will never forgive Kelly for what she has done, but the simple fact I semi have with Dylan seems unfair. I know it's dumb but I guess I'm dumb then cause it feels like the right thing to do. It's Dylan's dads service and after get together, she is part of Dylan's life…it might not be fair to me but its fair to them. I scream at myself for being kind and go and wait for everyone outside. When we all pile in the car. Dylan looks at me, opening the door for me as I get in first. I look up to see Kelly watching us, she looks pissed and jealous and a small small bit of satisfaction hits my insides. He sits next to me and his hand intertwines with mine again. I watch him as he stares into my eyes and for the second time that day, I smile at him and he smiles a sad beautiful smile back. For that moment, I feel like his person again and it makes me happy.

 _No, I want to fall in love_  
 _No, I want to fall in love_  
 _With you_

 _Nobody loves no one_

 _Sooooo I know some repetition but I thought it was important to see both views. The next chapter will be at the Walsh house, Kelly still being Kelly and Brenda and Dylan having little moments. I wont go into the stuff with Dylan's father and the FBI but you can assume that stuff still kind of happens. Anyway, as things die down with the after math of Jack's death. Dylan will notice Brenda's depression more so then ever. The world was on fire…no one can save her but him. :) Hope you enjoyed it. Please review, it would mean so much._


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

 _ **You Better**_

At the house, everything is as awkward as anticipated. Kelly and Donna gather around the food and stay to themselves. Well Donna has talked to me but Kelly has cornered her to stick by her so she isn't alone. I don't blame her though. Honestly having Kelly here is fucking weird and I can only imagine how weird she must feel. Again, I could care less about her feelings. I do notice Dylan ignoring her, she looks at him wistfully for some look from him but he doesn't give it to her. Not that that doesn't make me a little happy. I mean Dylan has hung out with me off and on the whole time. I realize that Dylan, because he is staying here probably doesn't want to be with her cause of me and thats actually nice of him. The way she is looking at us and him makes me think they haven't talked since he arrived here. Dylan gets up and is saying goodbye to Nat in the foyer. So I take a moment to grab an empty plate and coffee cup to take to the kitchen sink.

"Thanks for coming Nat." Dylan says sincerely. I walk up to hear Nat tell Dylan to take care of himself. I stand next to Dylan and smile a sad smile at Nat holding onto the empty plate and cup.

"Bye Nat." he smiles a warm smile at me. His hand comes out to Dylan's arm.

"Bye honey…you take care too. I haven't seen you around, if you don't start coming in for a mega burger once in a while I might get offended." he jokes. "Don't tell me you're on a diet? Mega burgers are good for the soul." he keeps his warm smile.

I smile back and nod not really answering, my eyes meet Dylan's as Nat leaves. Dylan's eyes glance down my frame and instead of making me warm and tingling in a good way, it makes me fidget nervously. I'm wearing the same thing I had been all day, just without my jacket, what is he looking at? I look into his eyes again trying to read him. He looks concerned.

"Can I get you anything?" I ask, I hadn't seen him eat today…or much since he got here for that matter.

He shakes his head, "Nah…not right now. Thank you though." he looks me up and down again like he is noticing something. What I haven't a clue. I nod once and go to move towards the kitchen, "Bren?" I turn around to look at him again, "Can I get you something to eat?" he asks.

I shake my head, "I'm good."

He takes a step towards me and he glances towards the dining room. My head turns to look at what he sees and it's Kelly talking quietly to Donna eating chips. When my attention goes back to Dylan he is looking at me again, "You look thin Bren." he says quietly, like he doesn't want to get her attention.

I smirk a little, "I wasn't skinny before?" I joke to take the attention off of me.

He doesn't smirk back, "No…you always had an amazing body but you look…thinner. Are you okay? You're eating right? No weird diets?" We are standing so close to one another I can feel the electricity. I look towards the dining room again and this time Kelly is watching us, stuffing her mouth with chips.

I look back at Dylan, he is watching me, concerned again. His eyebrows pinching together.

"I'm fine Dylan, no diet…you don't have to worry about me. Just take care of yourself ok?." I smile a sad smile at him and continue towards the kitchen.

I hear him speak just under his breath, "I'll always worry about you." I don't think I was meant to hear it. I set the empty plates on the counter and look towards him. He is watching me, then his eyes glance quickly towards the dining room, I assume at Kelly but quickly he looks away, he is avoiding her. Dylan's attention is taken and I see Steve and Brandon approach him holding a basketball. I take a deep breath.

My father is standing next to me, he asks me if I'm ok…I tell him I'm fine like I have been for weeks. He seems to believe me. I think about Dylan, I have been talking to him off and on since we got back from the funeral. He isn't talking much but from the few things he's said its morbid and dark. I'm worried.

Brandon and Steve walk into the kitchen, "You guys gonna shoot around?" my father asks as he looks at the basketball in Brandon's hands.

"Yeah…your son thinks he can school me so." Steve says in true Steve fashion.

"Why don't you ask Dylan if he'll play?" My dad says concerned.

Brandon looks at me then our father and purses his lips together, I know Brandon as well as myself, he's asked him already. "He's not into it dad."

"Let me work on him." My dad says kindly and then walks towards the living room towards Dylan.

Steve grabs the ball and heads for the yard, "Brandon can I talk to you for a sec?"

He walks closer to me and speaks softly, "What's up?"

"I'm worried about Dylan."

"Well…Brenda you can't expect him to be the life of the party."

"But the article in the paper made it sound like he might be the next target."

Brandon nods once, "And that's why we agreed we weren't going to discuss it with him, remember?"

I shook my head, "Brandon…from the way he's talking something tells me he already knows."

Brandon takes a deep breath. His hand comes to my crossed arms and nods. He doesn't say anything and the worry I feel, spreads to him too.

"He'll be okay." he says out loud almost trying to believe it himself and goes to join Steve out back. I look down and think about Dylan as I hear the conversation in the dining room with Kelly and Donna.

Kelly huffs like a true bitch, "These chips are so salty." _They aren't the only ones._

"Then why don't you stop eating them?" Donna says back.

"I can't…I'm so nervous." she takes a chip to her mouth again.

Donna smiles, "What are you so nervous about?"

"This house!" she exclaims. "Dylan and Brenda under the same roof together." she eats more chips.

Dona shakes her head amused, "Oh please…come on."

"I can't help it. It's like I'm paralyzed, I don't even know what to say to him. I feel like he's totally ignoring me." She is right…I've noticed it too. And considering Dylan slept in my bed last night, she is right about us being under the same roof too.

Donna leans in, it's quieter but I can still hear her, "Well…that's cause you're acting really weird."

Kelly huffs out, "Thank you." she says smart ass.

Donna smirks and nods, "You're welcome." Kelly looks towards the living room towards Dylan as he stares off into space and eats another handful of chips.

I keep to myself for the most part and head out back eventually. I stand by mom as she mingles and talks with Christine. I watch Dylan as he stands there, staring off and pretending to watch the guys and Andrea play horse. Kelly and Donna are a few feet away and I see her watching him like I am. My heart aches to be near him again but I realize she must too and that thought makes me nauseous. He is standing alone and I see her take the opportunity to talk to him as she approaches. I look at my mom talking to Christine but ease drop.

"Hi." she says simply.

He takes a deep breath, "Hi." he's short.

"It's kind of weird being here don't you think?" My god she is fucking ridiculous. Selfish.

Dylan looks at her weirdly, I'm watching them now. Trying not to be obvious. "I think it's all relative. It was weird being in that limo with Jack, it was weird at the hotel, it was weird on that boat. My whole life's been weird." he shrugs and stares at her.

Kelly shrugs shyly, it's like watching a car accident, I've never seen two people so awkward and unattached in my life, but then I think, _dream on Brenda…dream on_. "Well…I really liked Jack and I didn't believe anything they said about him in that article." _Fucking IDIOT_ , my mind screams. _My god Kelly, can't you think for once in your life?_

"What article?" he asks taken back. I'm well aware my whole body is turned towards them now. Not even trying to to hide I'm listening and watching them.

"The article in the paper this morning." Kelly looks down feeling like the asshole she is.

"Hey Brandon…you have todays newspaper?" Dylan calls out to Brandon as he holds the basketball. He looks at Kelly like he is ready to scold her but then looks at Dylan with a sigh

"Nah…I think I threw it away."

"So what did it say? He was a mobster…or just a liar and cheat?" Dylan raises his voice at her.

"Dylan? I'm sorry." she pleads with him.

"Why?" he stares at her, "Did you write it?" he glares at her as he walks away from her. Her back is towards me but Dylan looks at me on the way in the house. I follow after him. By the time I catch up with him, he's standing in the living room alone. He is in front of the liquor cabinet and I could beat the shit out of Kelly at that moment. I step down the steps. He doesn't turn but he knows its me.

"Did you read it too?" He must have known I had seen and heard everything.

I walk towards him, "I did."

"Do you believe it?" he asks staring down at the bottle of scotch, same one from last night.

"No." I say truthfully. His head turns towards me.

His eyes are so sad, I have to catch my breath. "It's all true."

My hand comes to his arm, "Dylan." I whisper. "I'm sorry I didn't show you it, it just didn't seem important what gossip and lies they were spreading. Your father may have made mistakes but he was your dad. You loved him and he loved you."

Dylan looks down, "I don't know what you're going through, but I know loss." he looks up at me. "It's like a bad nightmare you can't wake up from. And you can't do anything to get him back." I swallow hard, his expression turns guilty and sad as he knows I'm talking about him. "I wanted to run away, hang with a new crowd, get high for the first time, get drunk, escape." he just stared at me, "The truth is you can't escape what's in your head." my voice breaks.

"Bren." he breathed, "I'm so sorry." he breaks down. "I'm so sorry." he whispers like his heart is breaking, he shakes his head. "I never wanted wanted to hurt you." his eyes pierce though me.

"I know." I stare at him. Tears fill my eyes. I nod and wipe the tear that escapes quickly, "I know Dylan." I say softly. "I would have loved to meet your dad." tears fall freely as I look at his beautiful broken face, tears fall from his too.

"He would have loved you." he says and that makes me smile as I sniff. "He would have loved you as much as I do."

I look down, sadness and grief spreads over me. I feel his arms wrap around my waist and my head rests against his chest. I cry harder and he comforts me for a change from the past 24 hours. I feel him kiss my head a few times. His hand traces down the back of my head.

"You want to go somewhere with me?" he whispers into my ear.

I pull away and look into his eyes, I nod wanting nothing more, "But…probably not the best idea to now though." I look towards the window to the front of the house. Our lawn is filled with reporters, Dylan looks as well getting it.

"Yeah." he nods knowing I'm right.

"Maybe later?" I ask hopeful.

Dylan gives me a sad smile, "I'm gonna hold you too that."

I huff out a small laugh and wipe my nose. "You better." he smiles back. "You should eat something…let me make you a plate please?" I beg.

Dylan looks at me, "If you make one for yourself too?" he bargains.

I smile and playfully roll my eyes with a sigh, "Ok…deal."

He nods happy with himself. "You know Bren…guys like something to grab on to, now don't go getting too skinny on me making that impossible." he jokes, innuendo written all over his comment and his face. Butterflies flutter around in my belly just thinking about it.

I blush and smile looking down before looking at him over my lashes, I shake my head, "Now I'm gonna hold _you_ to that." I joke and he laughs out loud. It's a glorious sound and I join in. I'm not dead inside, who knew? I continue on to make both of us a well needed plate of food when I hear him.

"You better." he says then and I know I'm meant to hear that. I turn to look at him and smile. I wink and carry on towards the dining room. Who needs to get high, I feel on top of the world at that moment. I begin making both Dylan and I plates when the phone rings. My father answers it. He oddly looks at Dylan, who has made his way towards the dining room.

"It's your Uncle Frank?" that's weird, I never heard of an uncle Frank or of any family that Dylan had.

Dylan looks at me and I know he doesn't have an uncle. He takes the phone and closes the doors that separates the dining room and kitchen. He is talking low. "Yeah I'll be there." he says angrily, "Be more specific." he says and I feel my heart clench with worry. If something happens to Dylan, I don't know what I'd do. He slams down the phone and I look at the plates in my hands, I filled it with sandwiches and potato salad, veggies and ranch, whatever I knew Dylan liked. I carry it towards the door but stop when I hear her. It's Kelly.

"Dylan…look." she begins, but Dylan cuts her off.

"Kelly…is Brandon still outside?"

"Yes." she practically hisses, her voice bitter.

"Thanks." I hear his footsteps like he is walking away.

"Dylan…wait a minute I have to talk to you." she raises her voice. I grip the plates tighter. "Look…I'm really bad at this and nothing I say is coming out right so maybe I should just go?" her voice is harsh. She really doesn't have a clue does she? It's like this whole day she is making it about her, not Dylan.

"Do what you got to do." he answers unaffected.

"I was hoping you'd say you'd come with me?" My heart breaks. Fuck I should have went with him, when he had asked. We could have snuck around the back, I don't know, figured it out. I held my breath waiting for him to say lets go, but he doesn't, not at all like he did with me minutes ago.

"Kelly…I can't alright…I can't just escape with you."

"You can do what ever you want Dylan. No one is making you stay here." her tone is jealous and bitchy and I shake my head.

"Then…I guess I don't _want_ to escape with you." he rights his words. My eyes close as I sigh almost relived. I hear foot steps and the back door shut. I hear Kelly huff, her heels begin clicking against the tile, then I see her move past the foyer and out the front door, which she slams shut. I look at my dad. Who has been witness to everything as well. He doesn't say anything as he picks up a quiche and pops it into his mouth. His eyes come back to mine as he raises his eyebrows at me. I don't smile at the small victory even though he seems to get a kick out of the drama but instead I carry both plates out back.

When I see Dylan, he is in a heated conversation with Brandon. I walk over to them and hear the end of the conversation, "Please do this for me Bran."

Brandon looks worried and he eyes me for a moment before he looks back at Dylan, "Ok…give me 5 minutes." Dylan nods.

Dylan looks at me, "Here…eat something before you go." I say sternly as he becomes aware I know he's taking off. He grabs a half of a sandwich and takes a bite.

"Happy?" he says with humor with his mouth full and I nod. "You're turn." he holds out the sandwich.

I roll my eyes and take the sandwich he bit into and take a bite as well. He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. He watches Brandon head to move his car and I become aware what is happening. Brandon is moving the mustang so Dylan won't be followed.

"Can I come with you?" our eyes meet.

He shakes his head quickly, "No…no way…if something happened to you Bren…" he stops and shakes his head like he can't even fathom it.

"Please Dylan…be careful." I beg and tears brim my eyes.

He looks into my eyes so intensely, so honestly that I have no choice but to believe him, "I promise." he says. He takes his hand to my face quickly and kisses my opposite cheek. I watch him as he walks around the other side of the house. I take a deep breath and pray that nothing happens to him. My eyes connect with Donna who is watching us seriously. She smiles at me but looks away quickly and I look down, _great_. Like I need more jealous Kelly.

I had been climbing the walls since Dylan left. I had no idea, who this Frank was he was going to meet, what he wanted with him or where they were going. Everyone had cleared out after a couple of hours and I found myself in the kitchen scooping out ice cream. I took a spoon full and put it in my mouth. I sighed, it tasted so fucking good I practically moaned. I heard the front door and in waltzed Dylan. His hands in the pocket of his coat. Cool and collected…sexy as hell!

"Hi." he said simply

"Hi." I say back

He watches me as he comes to stand beside the counter next to me. "You want some?" I ask so happy to see him. He looks better than earlier and he has a relaxed vibe to him now. I scoop some ice cream into the spoon for him.

"What flavor?" he asked looking into the bowl.

I raised it to him and fed him a bite of ice cream. I watched his sexy lips take the spoon into his mouth.

"Mmmm." he moaned, "Butter pecan." I smirked, he knew better. This was my favorite.

"Always works for me." he walks behind me taking his own spoon out of the utensil drawer and joins me at the kitchen counter again.

Brandon walks in at that moment, "Hey Dylan."

"Hey B." he tosses the mustang keys as Brandon catches them easily. "Thanks."

Brandon nods, "So..did you ah…find what you were looking for?" Brandon asks cryptically but I know Brandon knows as much as I do.

"Yeah…yeah I did." Dylan nods even more relaxed then he was before. Brandon nods and watches Dylan take his spoon and begin eating from the same bowl as myself.

"Well…it's been a long day…I'm going to hit the hay." he says. It's not late so I know he is just leaving us alone. We watch him silently as he leaves the kitchen and heads up the stairs.

Dylan and I eat ice cream and actually laugh a little. I ask him if he is okay and he nods with a smile.

"I see you are doing a little better…eating that is." he jokes.

I chuckle, "Please…I eat. Give it a rest huh?" I shake my head.

I feel his his fingers pinch the side of my waist and I jump. He's right there isn't much to grab, "See…nothing to grab on to anymore. We're gonna have to change that. What do you say I hold you too that raincheck from earlier. There is a place down in West Hollywood that has killer tacos." he smiles at me.

I take a deep breath, as I look into his eyes. "Okay." I nod. I look down at my suit and then as his own. "What do you say we change out of these dark depressing clothes and head there in 10?"

"It's a date." Dylan takes my spoon from my hand and his own. Setting it in the sink with the bowl as I go to change into less funeral looking clothes. As I meet him in the foyer, my parents are in their bedroom and I don't care to even tell anyone where we are going. I grab my jacket and hand Dylan's leather jacket he has hanging on the coat rack to him as well.

"So…killer tacos huh?" I ask with a small smile as I put on my coat.

He smiles back and nods. We head out into the porch and I stop to take in his handsome face as he looks at me. "I mean…not as good as Baja tacos…maybe we should head down there for a couple days instead?" he finally responds to my taco comment.

I laugh out loud and shake my head, "Alright…God I wish." I breathe.

"Would you really?" he asks seriously. My smile fades as I look into his eyes deeply. I swallow hard.

"Are you really asking me to go to Baja right now?"

"Maybe." he replies.

"Then yeah…yeah I would." I nod truthfully. I would go with him in an instant.

Silence surrounds us as we stare at each other for longer than appropriate. But what is actually appropriate anymore between us is beyond me.

"That's good to know." he nods and finally the serious expression turns into a smirk again. I smile back. I may not have Dylan back like I used to, he may have broke my heart in a thousand pieces but the future looks a little less daunting by his side, whatever I may be to him as of now. If I was strong enough to let love in…I should be strong enough to let it go. Something tells me it won't be that easy now that we are on speaking terms again.

"I'll have to remember that." he says as his hand meets the small of my back. I look up at him when we get to the Mustang. He looks at me over the top as I stand at the passenger side.

"You better." I smile and he smiles widely back.

 _Soooooo 2 chapters in one day again! this fic has really captured my interest. Because I'm rewatching these dreadful episodes I started writing the season 3 journals too even though we aren't there yet in that story. But they'll be easy to input once we are since I'm in this frame of mind. I actually physically cried when I wrote this chapter last night, not exactly sure why, it wasn't THAT sad. I was in it so I just carried on after I had finished chapter 4. I hope you guys are liking it and liking the differences in Season 3. I sure as hell do. Just a heads up, this story wont be terribly long, it will take them through season 3 which is actually not too much longer, in chapter form it will be more than the episodes obviously. Brenda isn't out of her depression. She might have shared moments with Dylan and they may have proved that their connection and understanding for one another is still very present but he is with Kelly. As you can see, it isn't going well. And it will continue to decline as it did in the show but faster than the show did. Dylan and Brenda had to come back together to be able to talk again or Dylan wouldn't have the chance to see her depression. He already knows she looks broken, skinny which we see him mention in this chapter. He'll notice the normal shine of Brenda Walsh isn't there anymore as well. Also having them grow closer at the same time. I will right the wrongs that this season did to us BD fans and dive into depression because it is such a true and honest thing that I myself had gone through and so many others. I hope you stick with me. Please review I would love to hear your thoughts. I haven't gotten many reviews for ch 4 yet so I'm assuming people will happily take 2 chapters instead of 1 but please review both. Love ya guys! Happy reading!_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

 _ **Our New Normal**_

I opened my locker and smirked as I heard Donna on the speakers. She was talking about David signing a record deal and she sounded so proud of him. David and her playfully bantered back and forth and my smirk faded. David and Donna were going strong. It started out so innocent and adorable and turned into a really sweet relationship. I envied them. I grabbed my first period books and closed my locker. Donna started playing one of David's new rap songs as I turned around and leaned against the locker. I thought about the last week. Dylan stayed at my house for a couple more days after the funeral. We were inseparable. That night we had gone to have tacos and I hadn't remembered smiling or laughing that much in a while. We talked about his dad a lot. It seemed to help him a little and I enjoyed getting to know Jack that way. The night before he was planning to go back home, he snuck into my bedroom that night. I remember opening my eyes and looking at him as he sat beside me. His hand on my comforter that covered my leg. He whispered "Bren." and when I sat up against my headboard he sat back and relaxed next to me as well. It felt nice having him in my bed. He thanked me for everything and even though I knew we would see each other around at school or wherever, I knew he was saying goodbye. These times at my house had been the only time Dylan and I could be ourselves. We didn't have to worry about what Kelly thought or Donna, or any of the gang really. My family hadn't said much out loud either even though they saw us hanging out but I saw the way my mom and dad would look at each other. With raised eyebrows and smirks. I ignored it for the most part but they had seemed to think me and Dylan were getting back to what we had and I knew that wasn't what this was. I sighed and started to class. Besides saying hello to Dylan in between classes I hadn't seen him seen him since that last day at our house. I had wanted to call him or just drop by his house to check on him but I didn't know if he would have wanted that. Also the Kelly factor was huge. Now that he was back home I assumed they had talked. I would see them walking together between classes and even though Dylan looked a million miles away, they were still together it seemed. Not groping or holding hands, thank god but they were still together. I was happy I could be there for Dylan during this time. I hadn't forgiven him for cheating on me but Dylan losing his dad sort of cancelled out my anger with him. It wasn't about me. It was about Dylan and honestly at a time like this, I think Dylan needed all the friends he could get.

I continued to class, I hated that my first period was on the other side of campus compared to my locker. I walked through the busy breeze way and saw Kelly and Dylan talking. Dylan looked down, anywhere but her eyes as he held his books in his hands.

"Being here doesn't help." I caught the end of his sentence.

"Well…maybe for today…just while we are here…you can pretend we are in Hawaii or something." Kelly said hopeful ringing her hands together.

Dylan looked at her oddly, "I don't think so Kel." He looked down the breezeway and sighed. He looked like he was having an off day today. Jesus Kelly, I can't even with her. Hawaii? Seriously Kelly was so bad at this. I mean all she had to do was, say it was going to be okay. It was normal to have good and bad days. Why was it so hard for her to grasp. She wanted it to be normal. Dylan kissing her ass. People looking at them while they walked down the halls, being the cute West Bev couple. Well Kelly…hate to break it to you but Dylan won't be normal for a long time. He lost his dad you stupid ass.

"I guess that was a pretty stupid thing to say…I'm sorry." she looked down. I rolled my eyes and walked towards them.

When I stood in front of them Dylan looked at me and smiled. "Hi." I said trying to be friendly. I hadn't talked to Kelly at all and didn't really plan to but I did want to talk to Dylan and since I hadn't called him at home or seen him without her in the past few days I just bit the bullet.

"Hey." he said back. Kelly crossed her arms and looked down again. When she looked up at me she had a sour pus face and just stared at me. I ignored her.

"How are you doing today?" I asked Dylan.

"I'm okay…I guess…getting by." he answered honestly.

I nodded knowing he was literally getting by and smiled at him. "Look I don't know what you guys are doing tonight…but…I was wondering if you wanted to maybe come over my house for dinner. My mom…she's worried about you." I looked at Dylan. He looked at Kelly hopeful as she looked at him shocked. They both looked back at me, "Um…I mean of course unless your busy." I pussy footed around mad I didn't just wait until Chemistry. I could have asked him alone. God Brenda…you're an idiot.

Dylan looked at Kelly again and shook his head, "No…were not busy." he smiled at me a little.

I smiled back, "Great…I'll see you tonight."

Dylan kept his smile and nodded, "Tell your mom thanks." I nodded and went to walk around them. After a few steps I turned back to look at him. His body was turned to the side now and he was watching me walk away. I smiled again. He looked at Kelly like she said something and I heard him say, "That's okay right?"

She pursed her lips together and shrugged, "Yeah…I guess." and they continued on to class. He looked at me one more time before he rounded the corner. Oh she wasn't happy but you know what. Fuck her. She doesn't have to come. If she hates that I'm friends with Dylan then thats just too damn bad. I hate them as a couple so I guess we are even. This isn't about the Brenda, Dylan, Kelly Bermuda triangle. It's about being there for Dylan. If she is too selfish to get that…then thats her problem.

The day dragged on as I kept to myself for the most part. I sat alone under the same tree I had taken up residence at and bit into my baby carrot. Surprisingly when I looked up, Dylan was standing above me blocking the sun.

"So this is where you have been hiding out? I was looking for you."

I smiled up at him squinting a little and shrugged. "Can I join you?" he asked politely.

"Sure." I grabbed my chem book and notebook and moved them making room for him as he sat next to me. Our knees touched as we sat indian style. I looked over at him. He was already looking at me. "You doing okay?"

He took a deep breath and shrugged, "Today has been hard. I hate being here but…I know my dad would have wanted me to do well in school, graduate, maybe even college. So I made a decision to try harder." he looked at me with a smirk and I smirked back.

"I think that is a great idea…plus…your dad would be proud of you no matter what."

"Yeah…you're probably right. Huh…unconditional love…who knew?" He chuckled and I joined him.

"It's weird I know." I joked thinking about my own parents. How clueless they were about what I had been going through. My smile faded as it came back to me. I took my bag of baby carrots and threw it in the brown sack lunch.

"Oh no…you're not done. Look at this." He reached in my bag, "Turkey sandwich, Cindy makes the best turkey sandwiches, Chips, soda…carrots and an apple. You haven't touched any of this." He looked at me. I just shrugged.

"What's going on Bren? You promised me you would eat…you said you were fine and you weren't on a diet."

I shook my head, "I'm not on a diet…I'm just not hungry. Besides…excuse me where's your lunch?" I threw back at him playfully.

Dylan smiled, "Touché. Sometimes when I'm having one of these bummer days, my stomach feels on the fritz." He shrugged, "I guess I'm too sad to eat today."

"I know the feeling." I said it low and under my breath but he looked at me with sad eyes hearing me perfectly.

"Why are you sad?" his stare literally made me ache for him. "Please don't say it's because of me Bren…I'm so not worth being sad over." he swallowed hard and looked down. "I'm a fucking mess."

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, _my mess_ , "No…I mean don't' get me wrong I'm sad about our break up." his head whipped to me quickly. His expression pained. It broke my heart more but I continued because yes Dylan breaking up with me started this feeling but it wasn't just that, "I guess I just feel a little lost right now. I'm not sure who I am, what I'm suppose to do…who I am suppose to be. I feel a little lost at the moment because here it is mid senior year and I feel so far from who I used to be…but I'll be okay." I think?

He stared at me for what seemed like a full minute, "I understand more than you know. I feel the same. When my dad came back into my life, I had a plan. A plan to get to know him…to get some of that relationship back that had been strained for way too long. And now…that he's gone. It feels as though I'm just walking around on this earth, aimlessly…wondering what I'm suppose to do now."

"Yeah." I breathed as I looked down. I felt his fingers touch my hair as he pushed it behind my ear. He stared into my eyes as I stared back. Things got serious in that moment as we shared that stare. I felt my heart race and the stare was so intense I wasn't sure what was going to happen. Was he going to kiss me? Here at school? I didn't know if that was a good idea.

I looked down, away from his eyes and reached into my brown sack lunch and took out the turkey sandwich. I took one half and handed it to him and kept the other half for myself.

"We're gonna be okay. We'll figure it out." I said as he took the half from me. He smiled at me and gave me a quick nod. His eyes were still on me and I looked down taking a small bite. I heard him groan and it made me look at him again.

He was chewing the bite of sandwich he took and dramatically rolled his eyes in the back of his head. "Oh my god." he said with his mouth full. "You're mother is gifted." I laughed. "What is she making tonight?"

I laughed, "I don't know…but she is making apple pie."

"Oh…god." he groaned again and the sound made my stomach flip. It sounded sexy and familiar like he did when he was high in the abyss of pleasure. I giggled and he looked at me, surprised like he hadn't heard it in a while. He smiled at me and took another bite and so did I.

"I'm really glad you're talking to me again Bren, I really missed you." he said with a sexy smirk.

I nodded and looked down before looking into his eyes again, "Me too." I took a deep breath, "I really miss you too." he looked at me knowing I hadn't made the miss past tense. I saw him swallow as he watched me. The lunch bell rang out and I looked down again.

"Come on…let's walk to Chem." he said as he stuffed the rest of the sandwich in his mouth. I took one last bite before tossing it in the bag and started collecting my things. We walked to class in silence. I felt him look at me a few times but I didn't look at him. When we made it to chemistry, instead of moving my chair far away from his. I left it next to his. Mr. Goff was writing on the board and I tried to take notes but it was difficult with the sparks crackling around us. I saw him slide a piece of paper in front of me.

 _I have no idea what this lecture is about because all I feel is a chemical reaction sitting next to you._

I didn't look at him but I smiled.

 _That is exactly what the lecture is about silly._ I wrote back

 _Is it? Ha look at that I am paying attention after all_

 _Exothermic reaction_

He chuckled quietly and I finally looked at him as he wrote back. He was smiling and it warmed my heart and nether regions. I'm fucking hopeless.

 _Ah yes…an exothermic reaction is a chemical reaction that releases energy by light or heat…definitely heat in this situation._

I blushed and shook my head.

 _You are bad_

 _You know this already_

I looked up at him, he was staring at me. What did he want from me? He wasn't making losing him easier. My facial expression must have changed because his eye brows pinched together confused.

 _What is it?_ He wrote.

I didn't want to seem like a baby so I wrote something I despised to get my point across.

 _Is Kelly okay with coming to dinner tonight?_

I heard him sigh as he read it. He wrote quickly.

 _Do you really want to talk about Kelly right now?_

 _Nope_ I wrote simply _But…maybe you should?_

He looked at me sadly. Like I reminded him that he chose her. All the flirting and stuff wouldn't change it.

 _I'm sorry, things with Kelly are._ I looked at the sentence as he stopped writing. He looked over at me. I know he didn't mean to make me uncomfortable or anything like that. He was just having fun again. I was mad at myself for ruining it because the past month in this class had been unbearable and it looked like for once in that month, it wasn't just me enjoying this again.

I wrote back even though he hadn't finished that sentence. _It's ok…I know._ I figured he didn't want to discuss Kelly with me.

 _I know this is messed up to say, but she doesn't get me like you do. Things have been weird with us. Now that the newness of it all is fading. I know you don't want to hear this. I'm sorry. Forgive me. It's just,_ he stopped again and looked at me. I saw him visibly swallow hard and I actually wanted to know what he was going to say.

 _What? I_ wrote trying to get him to continue.

 _She isn't you_

I rubbed my lips together staring at the words. My eyes met his and I wanted to kiss him. I knew I couldn't but it didn't stop me from wanting it. It would have been the perfect moment. Instead I slapped myself for writing what came out.

 _She'll get there, you guys don't have the history we do_. I hated that sentence as I looked at him. I was trying to be supportive.

He shook his head, _I don't think so,_ he wrote and looked at me. He looked so sad, guilty and it broke my heart. This came easy for Dylan and I. We had been each other's person for a long time. We had a bond, a romantic connection but also a friendship when we were together. This was natural. I think? It probably happened to everyone. He just stared at me as I looked at him. I smiled slightly. He leaned in and pressed his lips behind my ear, kissing me but lingering there. I closed me eyes and I heard him inhale me. God I loved him and I wish I didn't as much as I do.

"Brenda….Dylan." Mr. Goff said out loud. Both of our attention went to the front of the class, like a deer caught in headlights. "Why don't you save the make out for after class huh?" he said out loud and Dylan and I looked at each other as the class giggled and woo'd. We both smirked shaking our heads and looked down at our notebooks. _Great._

"Sorry…Mr. Goff." Dylan murmured as the class around us settled down. I chuckled quietly shaking my head again. I felt Dylan grab my thigh with a squeeze and it made me look at him. He kept his hand there as he wrote.

 _Sorry_ I nodded, I know, who am I to judge? I wanted to kiss him in the middle of class a second ago.

 _Habit_ he wrote

I looked at him for the longest time. My heart pulled and ached to be with him. Not just like this, but everyday. I missed Dylan so fucking much I couldn't breathe. The class bell rang out and I looked away from his loving eyes to gather my stuff. I stood up and Dylan looked at me.

"I'll see you tonight?" he asked softly. I smiled at him and nodded. He smiled back and left. I was happy he did, I needed a little distance. I swallowed hard and walked towards the door.

Mr. Goff smiled at me, "I see things are improving with your lab partner?" He said with a smirk.

I sighed and blushed with a smirk of my own, "I guess so."

He knowingly nodded but didn't say anything as I quickly and embarrassingly walked out. I looked down the hallway at Dylan by his locker. He leaned against it as Kelly talked to him. He seemed bored as he looked my way. Our eyes locked for longer than appropriate and I went the opposite way down the hall.

Kelly and Dylan showed up for dinner. I honestly didn't even talk to Kelly, and thankfully dinner was ready when they got there so we sat down and ate right away. No time for small talk. Dylan was talking politely to us and Kelly sat there playing with her food and being obvious in her lack of interest being here. I get it, I mean Kelly is a bitch, but so am I. She knew the only reason I invited her was to be polite and because she happened to be standing there when I asked Dylan. I had 3 bites of my dinner and smiled as I caught Dylan raising his eyebrow at me. I rolled my eyes, _Ok food patrol. Jesus._ He wasn't saying anything to Kelly and she barely ate too. After dinner my mom brought out the apple pie. We ate in silence and I watched Dylan throughly enjoy his whole piece. I had a couple bites, it was really good actually.

"Well…who wants seconds, without Jim and Brandon here there is practically a whole pie left?" My mom said looking at the leftovers.

"None for me mom…I'm stuffed." Since I hadn't been eating much, I think my stomach shrank because I felt overly full and gross. My hand came to my stomach as I pushed the plate away a little.

"Dylan?" my mom asked, leave it to Cindy to push pie.

He shrugged, "Yeah…thanks." he reached for the pie pan and scooped another sliver onto his plate. Kelly looked at him, then her eyes met mine. As he continued to speak, "Seems like the first meal I've had in a few days and certainly the first one I've tasted." he looked at me, before looking at my mom. Kelly looked down playing with her pie, then brought the fork to her mouth and ate some.

"Well you come here as much as you want Dylan." my mom said nicely.

"Yeah no matter what remember this is home." I said truthfully. He looked at me and smiled.

"Thanks Bren." he spoke softly, his eyes staying on me. My eyes went to Kelly as she bit the inside of her lip looking at me. Then her attention went down to her plate again. Whatever.

"Why am I doing this…I'm suppose to be on a diet, will somebody please stop me, save me from myself." Kelly said and Dylan looked at her oddly.

My mom took a deep breath, "Now." she huffed, "What do you need to diet for Kelly?" I was thinking the same thing. She looked fine to me. Two faced and back stabbing, but the same.

Dylan shook his head amused almost, "That's what I keep asking her?" like he didn't get it either. Definitely not the same food patrol he gave me.

Kelly breathed out a small laugh, "Well…we've just been eating so much junk food these past couple of weeks I must have gained 5 lbs."

"So? Do what I do…eat today…diet tomorrow." Dylan said as he took a bite of pie.

"Someday Dylan…that's going to catch up with you." Kelly said almost jealous that Dylan was naturally thin.

He looked at me and smirked, raising his eyebrows, "Well until then…pass the pie."

Kelly smiled at him as they looked at each other and I felt my gag reflex coming. I shouldn't have eaten anything cause now Mr. confusing and Ms. two faced made me want to barf the pie up. Brandon thankfully came through the front door at that moment. He looked around a little surprised by our guests but I took the interruption gladly.

"Better hurry up Brandon if you want any pie…it's going fast." I joked.

"I'm not hungry." he said short.

"Oh come on Brandon join us."

"Did you hear what I said mom…I'm not hungry." everyone looked down feeling odd at his rude tone with mom. He noticed too.

"Sorry…just have a lot on my mind." Brandon sat next to me

"Apparently." I said with shake of my head. What was with him? "Brandon…have you met these people?" he had yet to say hello to our guests.

"Yeah…hi guys." Kelly smiled uncomfortably and Dylan continued eating his pie.

"Tough day at the office?" Dylan said as he looked at him.

"Yeah…yeah you could say that."

Kelly looked up at my mom, "Mrs. Walsh…I hate to eat and run but I told my mom I'd be home early tonight." Dylan's tongue went to his cheek, he wasn't done with his pie. He looked at me and gave me a sad smile.

"Um…thanks. It was great." He said to my mom.

My mom smiled at him, "I'm glad to see you relaxing a bit."

"I'll get the coats." I got up to be nice and as I grabbed both jackets, Dylan was there behind me. He took them from me. I heard Kelly saying her goodbyes to Brandon and my mom.

"Thanks Bren…for this."

"Of course." I smiled, "Anytime."

He smirked and looked towards the dining room, "Maybe next time…I'll." he looked down shyly, "Come alone."

I smirked back, "You better." I joked and that made him smile. I cleared my throat knowing it must have been uncomfortable for all of us. And Kelly was absolutely making up having to be home early, I knew it. "I should get her home." he nodded and sighed as she came over to us and grabbed her coat from Dylan.

"Yeah…drive safe." I threw out as he reached for the front door.

Kelly left first, Dylan looked at me. Something in his eyes told me he wasn't ready to leave quite yet. "Good night Bren." he said softly.

"Good night Dylan." he stared into my eyes once more and just like that he left.

My smile faded as I took a deep breath. I told my mom I had some homework to do and went to my room. I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Why did things lately feel so wrong with Dylan? Yet so damn right too? Was this our new normal? It was nice but weird. He looked at me like he used too, but he was still with Kelly. I mean it didn't look great between them but he was still her boyfriend. Then the moments we had at lunch and in class, what did it all mean? Maybe Dylan as just overcompensating because he felt guilty for the way things went down. I had let him back in and there was history with us, that wasn't going to just disappear. A tear escaped my eye and rolled down my temple. I still felt lost.

 _ **DPOV**_

I had been thinking about Brenda all day. I felt bad about chem, I shouldn't have made her feel uncomfortable I just couldn't help myself. it was nice she was back in my life and I still cared about her greatly. I saw she was hurting, she was trying to hide it. She would smile and smirk and joke but her eyes told me she was just as lost as I felt. I hated that she was going through whatever she was going through. I wanted to be closer to her. That came naturally to me. Then there was Kelly. I knew she was trying. She just wasn't Bren. She didn't know how to listen, how to be there for me like Brenda did. It wasn't personal. I didn't think it was personal. As I drove Kelly home after dinner, which I wished I had gone to alone. I was always comfortable at the Walsh's but I knew Kelly was not. And I knew a part of Brenda wasn't comfortable either and because of the latter I wished it was just me there at dinner. I didn't need to make Brenda any more uncountable than I had already. I thought about her and the time we've spent together since my dad died and even though this was the shittiest thing to happen to me, it felt right with her. She made me feel better.

"Dylan don't take me home yet…let's go to your house." Kelly interrupted my thoughts.

I looked over at her quickly confused, "I thought you said you had to be home early?" I knew she was lying. UGH I was enjoying the company and that freaking pie.

"That's what I told the Walsh's." she smiled and moved closer over the console. She kissed me under my ear, then my cheek and then she tried to kiss me on the lips. I pulled away.

"Not…tonight Kel." I wasn't in the mood.

She sat back hurt and even though I didn't look at her face right away, I felt the disapproving look she was giving the side of my face. "You know? You haven't wanted to be alone with me in days…what's the matter with you?" she said bitter and I was shocked. Is she fucking serious? I haven't wanted to be alone with her in days? I had just got home from staying at the Walsh's and my dad just fucking died.

"How can you even ask me that? You know what's the matter." I looked at her like she had 3 heads.

"Then let me help you? Don't keep pushing me away." she had a point and all I could do was take a deep breath and sigh out loud. She was right but I didn't know how to explain it.

"I haven't been sleeping, I'm tired…" I sighed again.

"Alright." she said sadly as she looked straight ahead. I looked at her. Why was she making this about her? It really didn't have anything to do with her. I just wasn't in the mood for sex. I was tired.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, I didn't know what else to say.

"That's alright…just take me home." she said disappointed and we drove the rest of the way to her house in silence.

Things were falling apart quickly with Kelly and I think we both knew it. It's not that I didn't like her, it was just different now. The lust was gone and now it was apparent we didn't really know each other as well as we thought we did. Brenda knew when I was in these moods. She was aware of it more then me sometimes. She would have backed off and gave me my space. I'm not saying Brenda and myself had a perfect relationship, we disagreed on things. She pushed me sometimes but it was out of love and what she thought was right. When it came down to it, she knew me better than anybody and it was easy to open up to her. She was the only one that had stood by me and I would never forget it.

When I got home. I hit play on my machine and had no messages. I sat on my futon and stared at the floor. Would it be weird to call her? I bit my thumb nail. Yeah it would. It would be freaking weird because I just left her house. I ran my hands through my hair frustrated and mad at myself. I did this. I chose to be without her because she didn't show up at my dads party. She let me down and I reacted. Now Jack was gone and it seemed stupid. I knew I still loved Brenda. It didn't go away. I also knew I wasn't in love with Kelly…not yet. We were too similar yet so different. We didn't balance one another out. What the fuck had I done? Brenda would never take me back, She would never trust me again if she did give me a chance. How would this have worked? What was I going to do? I guess the only thing I could do…was give this thing with Kelly a chance. Continue trying to earn Brenda's friendship back and forgiveness and sleep in the bed I had made for myself. I had chosen Kelly over Brenda. I couldn't take that back. No matter how much I wanted too. I couldn't but god damn…I wish so badly I could.

I walked down the hall to my first period class the following day more frustrated than the night before. Last night I dreamt that I told Brenda how I still felt about her. She told me she loved me too but she couldn't forgive me. I woke up practically in tears. I failed her, why would I expect anything different? I saw her from a distance in the parking lot today. She was dressed differently than the past month. Instead of jeans and an oversized flannel, she wore jeans and black tight body suit thing. I recognized it. We used to joke about those things. The things with the snaps in the crotch. Once time a took it apart with my teeth. I smiled at that memory. Fuck I was hopeless. She looked hot though, more put together than recently. As I beat myself up in my head for having these thoughts of Brenda I turned the corner and heard them. I froze and stayed hidden behind the wall.

"Brenda…why don't you just ask Dylan to move in with you?" What the fuck? her voice was snotty and unrecognizable.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Brenda gave it back. That tone I recognized. She was pissed off. Rightfully so it seems.

"It means you like him coming around to cry on your shoulder." Oh my god I had never heard Kelly be so mean before. Mean and catty…and selfish. She was talking about my feelings here. I almost wanted to make myself known, to stop this catty girl bullshit that Kelly had started but Brenda spoke again.

"Look Kelly what is wrong with you? Dylan and I have been through a lot together and I think at a time like this he can use as many friends as he can get." she said angrily. I looked down silent. _Thanks Bren_ , I thought.

"I'm sorry." Kelly sighed, "I'm just going through a lot right now.

"Yeah…we all are." Brenda said back sadly. "But this is about Dylan Kelly. This isn't a competition between us. This is about Dylan's feelings." My god I loved her.

"I know." Kelly agreed, "I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Brenda wasn't convinced, "See ya around." she said hurt and walked away. She appeared around the corner and stopped when she saw me. She looked at me knowing I had heard everything. She looked down sadly and began to walk past me. I reached out and grabbed her hand. I squeezed it tightly thanking her. She smiled a sad smile at me and continued down the hallway. Our fingers slowly separating as she moved farther away.

I took a deep breath and rounded the corner, to see Kelly leaning against the locker looking down. She noticed me and stood up straighter. She put on a fake smile and went to lean in to kiss me. I moved my head away.

"What?" she said sadly, "What did I do now?" Again it was about her.

I shook my head, "I heard everything Kel…I heard the conversation with Brenda. How could you be so mean to her? After everything we have done to her? Seriously? She likes it when I come to cry on her shoulder? I should move in with her? Do you hear yourself?" I looked at her so disappointed I couldn't believe it.

Kelly huffed, "I…well its true…she does. She probably is happy this happened, that you're going through this, so she could talk to you again. She wants you back Dylan…it's obvious." her hand came to her hip.

"You have no idea what your talking about? My dad died for god sakes, and you are turning this into some high school drama show. I chose you…but you are making it so fucking hard to justify why right now." I yelled at her.

"Oh is that right?"

"Yes." I hissed."

"Well…then…why don't you just go back to your precious Brenda Dylan…and do everyone a favor. That's where you want to be, where she wants to be…everyone in this whole fucking school wants you to be. You would know that if you saw what people wrote about me on the bathroom wall Dylan. Didn't you know? You are dating a slut…a home wrecker…a boyfriend stealer." tears fell from her face and I sighed. I had heard shit going around but it wasn't worth feeding into the gossip.

"Kelly." I breathed, she was really good at turning things around and making them about her I realized.

"Don't Dylan…do us all a favor and go back to her." Kelly storms off and I don't chase after her. I know she is going through shit but so am I, so is Brenda…she isn't the only one. I couldn't deal with her right now. I walk to my class and stop as I realize Brenda is in Soc. I turn the opposite direction and come to the door. I peak inside. She is doodling in her notebook and looks so broken I can't take it. I stare at her pretty face. Im so grateful for her friendship right now and hearing her say those things to Kelly, sticking up for me…for herself. It just was really nice. It just proved how kind and decent she was. She was so thoughtful and selfless. At that moment her head lifted and she made eye contact with me. I tilted my head quickly telling her to come out. She looked at the teacher and raised her hand.

"Ms. Sandwell?"

"Yes Brenda." the teacher spoke.

"Can I go to the nurse?"

"You don't feel well?" the teacher asked.

She shook her head, "Ah no."

"Okay…feel better." Brenda smiled at her and collected her things. She came into the hallway and grabbed my hand to move out of the view of the window.

"Is everything okay?" She asked me concerned.

I smiled at her, "Everything is great. Come on." I pulled her hand down the hallway.

"Where are we going?" she pulled back a little but kept her hand in mine.

"Baja." I said joking.

She laughed a glorious laugh and shook her head. When we got into my car she looked over at me. "Where are we really going?"

I got serious and shook my head, "I just…couldn't be in there anymore. You know I wake up and I think, ok today is going to be better, then I it's just not."

Brenda nodded, "I know."

"Same for you?" I asked her.

"Exactly." she answered.

"I'm sorry for what Kelly said to you." I swallowed hard, I still couldn't believe I had witnessed it. I was happy I did cause I had no idea Kelly acted like that towards Brenda. "She…doesn't do that often does she?"

Brenda took a deep breath, "Umm not really. We got into it a few times when you hadn't." she stopped. "Chosen…but it was me too. I think I know Kelly well enough to know we both know how to dish it back to one another."

"But since I did…chose." I didn't like saying that shit. I sighed and she knew I hated it. "There hasn't been stuff like that?" I was honestly really curious. Was Kelly the kind of girl that acted one way towards me and then completely rude and mean to someone else?

Brenda thought about it, "Um no…I over heard her at your dads funeral, she wasn't mean or anything just concerned about us sleeping in the same house. I get it. I do. I probably would be too." she said honestly. "I mean she's your girlfriend Dylan. It must be hard to see us being friends with our past. We went out for a few years practically. It's hard to compete with that."

I stared at her, she was so amazing she really didn't know. "I think you're giving her too much credit. She had no right to say those things to you. Not after everything we did to you. You don't deserve it. You have been nothing but nice to me and supportive since my dad died. Thank you…you're a good friend."

Brenda smiled and looked into her lap. I took a deep breath not wanting to think about Kelly's insecurity anymore. "Want to get out of here? Maybe go to my place…order pizza and pig out and see what's on day time TV?" I looked into her eyes hopeful. A minute passed and she agreed.

We had a fun afternoon. We talked for what seemed like forever. She reminded me that I used to write her poems back when we were dating. She said maybe it would help if I started a journal or manuscript. Didn't have to be anything people read but just to get my feelings out on paper. It was actually a good idea. I used to write for fun but maybe she was right. Maybe I should do something with it. See if I'm any good at it. Andrea had approached me about a senior profile and I turned her down. I didn't think I would want my story published but I could write it myself and take Brenda's advice and get some of these feeling on paper.

Thinking back on the differences of Kelly and Brenda, Brenda doesn't expect anything from me. I don't have to worry about hurting her feelings if I'm quiet and reflective or making sure I'm paying enough attention to her. She is there for me no strings attached. I wonder if its because of our past or if its just because I'm so comfortable with her. I don't know, but it's becoming more and more obvious how much I miss her. I like our new normal but there are always those moments, like during lunch, chem and at my house this afternoon when the feeling gets heavier and the need for her turns physical. Kelly has been trying to get into my pants for days. I realized that I hadn't slept with her since before my dad died. I just haven't wanted too. But with Brenda…there is nothing more I want to do. Was it because it had been so long? I was thinking about the last time we made love and it feels like forever ago. Beginning of this year I guess. I think about it often, dream of her, god I fucked this up. I took Brenda home later that evening and when I walked into my house, there was a message from Kelly on my machine.

"Look Dylan…I'm sorry about school today. I'm really bad at this and I'm just trying to help you. I wish you would open up to me like you do with Brenda. We've come so far to be together, I hope you can forgive me. Call me if you want. Bye." BEEP nothing about feeling bad for being a bitch to Brenda.

I take a deep breath. I'm not mad at Kelly for not being able to be there for me. She is trying, it's me I know that but I don't like the way she treats Brenda. I don't like the comments, the looks it's not fair and it's not right. I don't call Kelly back. I know I have to talk to her, about that situation and more importantly about us. I have to talk to Brenda too. I feel like it's fair to tell her how I'm feeling and that I'm questioning my choice. I just don't know if deep in my heart I'm ready to hear her try to let me down easily because it may be too late for us again. There are so many things running around in my head, I just don't know how to verbalize it. So I took out my type writer and I began writing. What was suppose to be about my dad ended up something entirely.

 _"To know that I miss you so much when you leave; to know that I need you like the air that I breathe. To know that I want you with a passion so blind, is to know that I love you_ _—_ _with no doubt it my mind."_

I stare at the words, knowing who this is about. Instantly I feel guilty. This is more than our new normal but it doesn't stop me enough not to put it in her locker the next morning. I know I can't expect Brenda to forgive me and take me back like nothing happened but I can't lie to myself either. I have to talk to Kelly, break it off, I have to do this before it's too late. There are 3 months left of school, and I intend to have Brenda back for the rest of our senior year. Fuck this new normal, I want more. I want our old normal. I NEED our old normal.

 _Thank you guys for all the great reviews. I'm so happy you are enjoying my version of mid season 3. How do you think Kelly will take Dylan? What do you think of the poem? Will Brenda like it? Tell me everything guys and thanks for the support!_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

 _ **Perfectly Perfect**_

I watch from a distance as Brenda opens her locker. The note falls to the ground and she bends down to pick it up. She reads the front which says…

 _I took your advice to try to get some stuff out about my dad but I'll I could think about was you._

She opens the letter and reads. She looks down for many moments, its not a long poem so I know she's done reading, is she reading it over again? I get nervous. The she looks up and smiles. She sticks the letter in her back pocket and grabs her first period books. I watch her as the smile fades from her pretty face. She looks so sad as she silently walks down the hall. I go to class wondering what she thought of my poem. I can see Brenda is really struggling. I know I hurt her but I've been trying to make it up to her. I mean I told her I loved her in that poem, did she believe me?

Donna catches up with me in the quad, she is talking about Kelly's surprise party. I don't think Kelly has opened up to Donna about our recent issues because she is talking like she wants my advice on her party, like as her boyfriend I should be involved in the planning.

"We have no where to have it Dylan."

"Well good…I hate surprise parties. Kelly hasn't been herself lately, none of us have. Maybe having a party for her isn't the best idea." I say and Donna stares at me like I'm crazy.

"It's her birthday Dylan, I know things have been hard lately but I think it's what we all need. What about the Walsh's?"

"No." I say a little to loudly and a little too quickly. "Bad idea." I shake my head.

Donna sighs, "You're probably right, Brenda and Kelly barely talk. This is all so hard. I guess the Peach Pit like originally planned, I just wanted to make this special for her. I feel like it being senior year, two of my best friends only semi put up with each other, I just want everything to be like it used too." I roll my eyes, I know Donna is sweet but she doesn't get it.

"That's not going to happen Donna. I know you're in the middle it's just…you're gonna have to let Kelly and Brenda, make up or get back their relationship on their own terms. And sadly it might not ever be the same." I said honestly.

"Well whose fault is that?" She looks at me angrily and I looked down ashamed.

"What you guys did to Bren was messed up. I love Kelly but if she did that to me, I don't know if I would ever forgive her." Donna said honestly and I looked at her.

"Have you ever told Brenda this?" I ask interested, Brenda may appreciate knowing her friend understands her feelings.

Donna shakes her head. "I guess I'm just hoping that things can go back to normal, but I know it won't." she looks down sadly. "Can we have the party at your house?"

"No Donna…I'm sorry. I'll be at Kelly's party but don't put me as host. I'm not up for that okay?"

Donna sadly nods understanding and walks to class.

I want to end things with Kelly but her birthday is tomorrow and her stupid surprise party is tomorrow night and I'm suppose to be the one to take her to the surprise. I know the longer I postpone the break up the harder it's going to be.

I walk down the hallway in back of Steve, Brandon and Brenda. I don't think they are aware I'm there. Steve is trying to beg Brandon to come on a dating game show with him tomorrow night.

"You better do it Bran…it might be your last chance for a date this year." Brenda jokes. I see the side of her face. She has not a stitch of make up on but looks as beautiful as she does with it. She smiles at her brother but it doesn't meet her eyes. There is a depth to her eyes, I've noticed it when we've hung out recently, like she is in there but far away.

"Oh yeah." he smiles at her, "And when was the last time you went out on a date?" Her playful smile fades and she looks down and I have the sudden urge to punch Brandon. Donna scurries by me and links arms with Brenda at that moment. "Hi guys…bye guys." she pulls her away from them.

"Hey D." Brandon notices me then.

"Hey Bran. Can I talk to you for a second?" I look at Steve hoping he gets the hint. He does and tells Brandon they will talk at lunch about the game show.

Brandon leans agains the locker, "Whats up?"

"It's about Brenda." Brandon looks at me oddly. "Is she okay? I mean has she talked to you about going through anything recently?"

Brandon stares at me, "I mean…I just have noticed she isn't herself…"

Brandon shakes his head, "Look Dylan. I know you care about her, but she seems fine. She took the break up really hard." My heart breaks and now I have the sudden urge to punch myself, "I mean she is quieter than normal, she studies a lot but she is trying to move on. Don't make this more difficult for her. She is finally starting to be more herself."

"That's the thing…I don't think its genuine, I don't think she is herself at all."

Brandon sighs loudly, "What are you doing man?"

"What do you mean?" I have no clue what he's asking.

"What do you want with Brenda? I know she has been nothing but nice to you since you lost your dad. I know she cut school yesterday with you? What do you want from her Dylan? You said you made your choice? You told me it was really over this time with the two of you? What are you doing?"

I take a deep breath, "I still love her Brandon."

Brandon laughs a little and shakes his head, "Then why did you end it with her? Why did you choose Kelly?"

"I don't know." I say lamely. I do know my reasons but they seem idiotic and the only person I would feel comfortable telling is Brenda herself.

"Dylan you are like a brother to me man. I have treated you exactly the same after you messed around with Kelly but Brenda is my sister. Do not mess with her feelings." he stared at me for a long 30 seconds before he walks away from me. I close my eyes and rub my hand down my face. He has every right to be protective, he has every right to say those things to me. It doesn't make me feel better and it doesn't take away my worry about Brenda. Something is going on with her and I feel like its my job to help her. She has done it for me. The only thing that scares me is finding out that I was the one who broke her. I know its more than that but I can't help but feel like this despair I see in her eyes is more than losing me. Brenda is lost somewhere in darkness and I know how that is. I just hope she allows me to find her in there.

I head to lunch and I don't see Brenda by her new lunch spot. I take my lunch out of my bag and sit under it, hoping she is just late and will join me. I actually packed a lunch today, thinking that if I called Brenda out on her new eating habits she couldn't throw the fact I haven't been eating in my face either. I feel someone standing over me and I assume its Bren.

"Bout time you showed up." I looked up but it's not Brenda…it's Kelly. I clear my throat as she sits next to me.

"You never said I was suppose to meet you here?" Kelly says confused and I just change the subject.

"I got your message last night." I say nicely.

"You didn't call me back. Are you still mad at me?" she asks, her eyes are apologetic and sad looking.

"I know." I sigh, "I just don't think the apology should have been directed at me is all. I think you owed it to Bren."

Kelly sighs loudly, "Dylan…Brenda and I are just not on good terms. I messed up our friendship because of us. She doesn't want anything to do with me. There is only so many times I can apologize for the summer. She doesn't forgive me…plain and simple."

"Look Kel I know…but this jealousy and mean behavior towards her is unwarranted. I'm the one reaching out to her, I'm the one leaning on her. It's not her fault she is just the type of person to set aside her feelings to be there for someone else?"

"And I'm not that kind of person? So I'm the selfish bitch that caused everything?"

I sigh annoyed, "I'm not saying that. I'm just saying what you said to her yesterday was wrong. No I'm not mad at you but I wasn't the person you should apologize too. That's all I'm saying."

I watch Kelly grab a red box and take a red pill, she takes a sip of her Pepsi swallowing the pill quickly. I take the box from her and read it. They're diet pills.

"Since when are you taking these?"

She grabs the box from me, "They are no big deal, I bought them at the grocery store."

"Are they safe?"

She rolls her eyes at me, "They are over the counter appetite suppressants. I'm just trying to lose 5lbs."

"You don't need to lose 5 lbs." I justify.

She stares at me, "Well maybe if I do lose the 5 lbs, I'll be as skinny and perfect like Brenda and you'll want me again." She huffs and grabs her stuff storming away from me. I get up quickly.

"Kelly…stop." I grab her hand and pull her back so she is facing me.

"What Dylan…I know you guys cut class yesterday together. I know she knows exactly how to handle you. What to say to make you feel better, My god you aren't sleeping with me, so let me guess you're sleeping with her?" she raises her voice.

"Stop…what has gotten into you? I'm not sleeping with Brenda."

"Maybe not but you want too." she throws at me. I don't say anything because she is right but that's the last thing at this moment I'm going to tell her.

"Kelly…how about tomorrow I take you out for a birthday dinner? We can talk, I don't know." I have to get her to the party somehow and I had already decided I was going to wait to break up with her after this weekend. Now this newest argument is making me dread that conversation more than ever.

"Fine…whatever." she says which in girl language means, fine but fuck you. I watch her walk away and I breathe out the breathe I'm holding. The bell rings and I catch a glimpse of Brenda walking to Chem. I rush to meet her but she is angry.

"What do you want Dylan?" she says coldly when I catch up with her.

"Why are you mad at me?" I ask her curiously.

She stops and faces me, "This school is big Dylan, why my tree? It's the only place I can escape from the two of you, escape from everyone and now you brought her to it."

I shake my head, "No…I went there to have lunch with you…she just showed up."

Brenda huffs out, "Why are you doing this to me?" tears fall down her cheeks and I want to hold her. "Why are you meeting me for lunch and why did you write me that poem? Can't you just leave me alone? You chose…it wasn't me? Why are you making this worse for me?" she is crying and she looks so broken. My hands come to her face.

"Brenda…I love you." she tries to move away from me, so I place both hands on her arms and hold her in front of me. "I chose wrong." I just say it. At this point I owe her honesty. She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

"Please Dylan…I'm drowning and you aren't helping me get over you." My heart breaks.

"I don't want you to get over me. I know I have so much to prove to you. So much to tell you. I know it is going to take a long time for you to trust me but Brenda, I still love you. That hasn't gone away. Please let me deal with Kelly and give me a chance to prove my love to you. Please."

She looks down and cries harder. I gather her in my arms and feel her sob into my chest. "Please Bren…I want you back. Give me a chance to prove how sorry I am." I whisper into her ear. My hand is on her head and I kiss it gently. She pulls away and looks at me with the saddest look I have ever seen from her.

"I would have taken you back in a second…no questions asked, but now I'll I have is questions." She tells me honesty.

"I know…you deserve an explanation. You deserve so much more than anything. Please let me prove it to you, let me fix it."

She stands silently and wipes her face. "I'm broken Dylan…I don't know if you can fix me."

"You're not broken Bren…you are so perfect you have no idea how perfect you are to me."

She shakes her head, "Nobody is perfect."

"You are perfect _for_ me." I emphasize. I know its sounds lame but it's the truth. What Kelly said back there during her rant, she was right. Brenda and I have a connection, we understand each other. We belong together. She smiles a little even though she doesn't look convinced. "Come on let's get to class." I say hearing the late bell.

She nods and I set my arm around her, like old times as we make our way into chem.

During class I write her notes. I tell her I'm going to wait to break up with Kelly until after her birthday party. She tells me if I'm not into that relationship then it's best to break up with her, it isn't fair to string her along. She also makes it clear that she doesn't want to be part of it, she doesn't want me to tell Kelly about my feelings for her. She also adds just because things are ending with Kelly, it doesn't mean we are back together either. I get it I know. I was telling the truth. I would prove it to her and step one of proving it to her, is breaking up with Kelly. Not only are my feelings for Brenda so real and so deep, Kelly and I aren't compatible. Even if Brenda was to tell me to go to hell, I still would have broken up with her. It wasn't there. I owed it to her as well to be honest. We tried, it just wasn't working out. I honestly think Kelly and I are too much alike, we are both insecure, selfish…when you are in a relationship you need to balance each other out. Kelly and I just hit walls. Honestly I didn't share this with Brenda, but take away the sex and Kelly and I don't even have a relationship and even that…is non existent right now. I need to do it…it will be awful and hard but I owe it to Kelly, myself and Brenda to be honest. Sunday, that's when I'm going to do it.

BPOV

I was so confused. I get to school and there is a beautiful poem sitting in my locker. It makes me smile, then brings me down because I don't have him. Then I go to lunch and I see Dylan there, I was hoping he would be, I even made him a lunch today in hopes we could eat together. Then I see Kelly with him. I see red because he ruined that space for me. None of the seniors sat over there. It was an escape for me and he fucking ruined it. I couldn't help breaking down to him, I couldn't help being angry at him about it. The words that came out of his mouth though was not what I had expected. I did want Dylan back, I wanted him back so bad I couldn't breathe but how realistic was it that we could just flow back into our relationship after everything? I understood why he was waiting to break things off with Kelly until after her birthday party. Kelly was a lot of things but she didn't deserve to be dumped on her birthday…no one did. I guess the best thing to do was try to give him the chance to show me that he had made a mistake. I wasn't ready to run full force into things again with him and I didn't want Dylan to be breaking it off with Kelly for me either. Slow and steady was the point. We needed the chance to test this out, see if it was doable and see why he decided to cheat on me to begin with. I mean, I didn't think Dylan would start something back up with me if he wasn't serious but we needed a chance to see where this would go with us and he couldn't be with Kelly if that's what he wanted. I refused to put Kelly in the place I was. I refused to be the other woman…even though…I fucking had him first.

Dylan called me that night and we talked for a long time. At the end of the conversation he said I love you. I said it back to him because I did love him. He also talked to me about his writing. He said he had finally got some things out about his father and he wanted me to read it sometime. I was happy Dylan had an outlet for some of his feelings. I wish I had one.

I went to buy Kelly a birthday present. It was so impersonal I honestly grabbed a sweater in a size small and paid. I walked into the kitchen looking to wrap it.

"Mom…do you have any wrapping paper?"

"Yeah…it's under the window seat, what do you have there?"

"A sweater for Kelly's birthday, she'll probably return it." My mom chuckled and I grabbed the paper, scissors and tape. "You know…Donna asked me if they could have the party here."

"It would have been okay with me." she said as she prepared lunch

"Yeah well…it wouldn't have been okay with me."

"But your going right?" I turned to look at my mom and nodded.

"Yeah I'm going…a party is a party right? No matter whose it is." I went back to wrapping.

"I know you're trying Brenda. That's what matters."

I shrugged but didn't say anything. I wasn't really trying with Kelly. She was a horrible friend and things would never be the same.

I wore a simple black short dress and a chocker. I went to pit early to see if Donna and David wanted help setting up. As we waited for Dylan to bring Kelly, they were taking forever, I sipped my coke and sat alone. I looked around, were these people here even friends with Kelly? It seemed like half the class was there. My eyes met Chad Mancini. He smiled at me. I looked in back of me thinking it couldn't be me he was smiling at? He raised his eyebrows and shook his head amused. I smiled back and shook my head too embarrassed. Chad Mancini was the captain of the football team, tall, built and incredibly cute. He had dark brown hair, blue eyes and the cutest set of dimples I had ever seen. People called him sixteen candles, that was because he looked like Jake Ryan. His intense stare down was broken when we heard Dylan's Porsche honk as his signal he was here. We all hid and when Dylan opened the front door of the Peach Pit we jumped up yelling "SURPRISE!"

Kelly covered her mouth with a smile. Dylan smirked clapping his hands. His eyes met mine and he smiled at me. I smiled back. Kelly made her way around saying hello to everyone and getting birthday sentiments. She came up to me awkwardly.

"Happy birthday Kelly." I said nicely.

"Thanks Bren…thanks for coming. It means a lot." she said genuine and I didn't say anything else. We separated and I went to back to my coke. I smelled his cologne before he even talked.

"Hey you." he breathed into my ear.

"Hey." I smiled and allowed him to sit next to me.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing sitting all by herself at a party?"

I was about to speak but Chad squeezed in by me on the opposite side, "I was about to ask her the same question. Hey Brenda…McKay" The tone was annoyed, he ignored him and smiled wide at me and his dimples appeared more prominent.

"Mancini…as you can see we're in the middle of something." Dylan tone matched Chad's.

"So Brenda." he ignored Dylan, "I have wanted to ask you a question for over 2 years but you were always with this slouch."

"Excuse me?" Dylan stood up, he wasn't happy.

"Oh McKay I'm kidding relax. Brenda…may I have this dance?"

"Seriously?" Dylan's hands came out, he was stunned and pissed from the look on his face as I looked between the boys.

"I don't know Chad." I shook my head. This situation was weird.

"There you are…I was looking everywhere for you." Kelly appeared at Dylan's side. I looked at them, and then back at Chad's cute face.

He reached down and took my hand, "Come on." he motioned with his head and pulled me towards the dance floor.

I wrapped my hands around Chad's neck and looked at Dylan. Kelly was arguing with him but he was staring at me and Chad. He had the weirdest expression on his face. He actually looked kind of jealous.

"Sorry about that…man that guy is with Kelly…and he still tries to hog you." Chad jokes as he smiles down at me. He is quite tall, now that we are dancing I realize how tall he is. It feels weird and I'm happy I'm wearing heels. "Anyway…you look really pretty tonight Brenda."

"Um thanks Chad?" I smile back.

"I was being honest back there. I've honestly wanted to dance with you at every West Beverly dance we've had since you moved here, you went out with Dylan a long time."

I swallow hard and look toward Dylan again. Kelly is gone and he sits drinking a coke and nonchalantly watches us. "Yeah well…some things change I guess." I say not sure how to take Chad. I mean if this was years ago, I probably would have been excited and definitely flattered. Now I wasn't sure how I felt about Chad's little admission. "I have to be honest Chad, I didn't even know if you knew who I was."

"Are you serious? Brenda Walsh, better looking sister of Brandon Walsh, moved here almost 3 years ago from Minnesota…one of the hottest girls in school?"

I blushed, "Now I know you are full of it." I laugh.

He isn't laughing but he just smiles down at me, "I'm being serious…what's with you and McKay anyway? The West Bev gossip mill says you two broke up."

I look at Dylan again, he is still staring but now Brandon is trying to engage in conversation wit him, my brother is failing miserably, then I see Dylan say something to him and Brandon looks in our direction. He shrugs and continues talking to him. "Um…well Dylan and I are good friends."

"Friends? That's all? By the eyes he is giving me I think maybe its more than that."

I smile and roll my eyes and the song ends, I thank him for the dance and a fast song starts to play. He grabs my hand and twirls me around as I laugh. Chad is sweet, he's charming, he seems fun actually.

Dylan is at our side in an instant, "May I cut in?" he is throwing daggers at Chad.

Chad smiles and shakes his head, "Thank you for the dance Brenda…save me another." He bows his head politely and walks away. Dylan's eyes follow him as he retreats. "What's with you?" I ask a little amused. Dylan's attention comes back to me.

"I don't like that guy."

"Why?" I ask honestly.

Dylan grabs my hand and places his other hand on my waist, he starts swaying slowly to a song too fast for this kind of dancing. My hand goes to his shoulder. Dylan and I have never danced so platonic before and it feels wrong.

I stare at him still waiting for an answer, "I just don't." he says matter of fact like that should be a good enough reason.

I chuckle, "There has to be a reason. I didn't even know you knew him well."

Dylan takes a deep breath, "He's always liked you okay…he's wanted in your pants since you moved here. He was vocal about it to some of the other guys and I heard about it."

"From who?" What the heck, I never heard anything.

Dylan sighed uncomfortable with the conversation, "Tony Miller told me. He didn't like the way he talked about you either. By the way, he wants you too. Anyway…when we started seeing each other, we had words, a few times actually."

I laughed out loud, "You are full of shit."

Dylan started at me for a moment, "You don't see yourself clearly do you?" I looked down, "Bren…when you first moved here you were the talk of the school." My face must have changed dramatically because finally Dylan smiled, "We all had known each other for years. Grew up together, you start here and it's like you're the shiny new infatuation. You were sweet and beautiful. Innocent and guys wanted you. Thank god I met you first." he sighed like he was actually grateful and I just shook my head. I didn't believe him but it would kind of explain Chad's admission.

"What did he say to you?" I looked up into his eyes, he was really bothered by this guy.

I shrugged, "Just he wanted to know if you and I were really broken up. Said he always wanted to ask me to dance but I was always with you."

"Mother fucker." Dylan whispered as his head turned in the direction of Chad. He hung by the other jocks, but his eyes were on us. He had a sexy cocky smile and air about him. He winked at me with a smirk and I blushed and looked down with a shy smile. The attention was weird but kind of nice. Dylan saw the exchange.

"Don't you even think about it." Dylan said sternly. "No way…Brenda…No." he shook his head.

I laughed a little, "You know what Dylan." I let go of his hand and stopped the dance, "When you are actually single…then we can talk about you having opinions and acting like a jealous boyfriend." I shook my head and started to walk away. He pulled me back to him so roughly, my chest hit his.

He looked down into my eyes, he didn't say anything he just looked at me intensely for what seemed like a full minute. Finally he spoke, "You're my girl." he said so quietly, I barely heard him.

I gently pushed him away, looking around thankful no one was watching us, well besides Chad from afar, "That's the thing Dylan…I'm not anymore." I looked at him a beat longer and walked away. He really didn't have any reason to act like a jealous caveman. I had been so enamored with Dylan since the moment I met him, all 2 1/2 years we dated, I didn't even pay attention to Chad…or Tony. I hadn't a clue they even knew I existed. Then after we broke up, I had been so heart broken, I hadn't noticed them then either. I knew Dylan was planning to break up with Kelly but as of now, he hadn't. So until that was done and Dylan and I were going to try again…I was a free agent. Not that I would date Tony Miller or Chad Mancini but Dylan didn't have the right to forbid me either.

I helped or I guess watched Donna put the candles on Kelly's cake. As Donna set the last one, I grabbed the lighter. David walked up, perfect timing.

"Ah David…will you go get the lights?" I asked trying to be nice about this birthday thing. It was hard but I wasn't a complete asshole.

"Wait…we can't do the cake thing yet, Kelly is in the bathroom." He said looking out from the kitchen.

"Well…it's almost midnight, we better do it before people start to leave." I looked at the clock Nat had in the back.

"I'll go get her." Donna started to move.

"No it's alright I'll go…you finish the cake." See trying.

I walked towards the bathroom and Chad stopped me by grabbing my hand, "Miss Walsh…how bout another dance?"

I smiled at him, and gently pulled back opening the bathroom door, "I'll be there in a minute I just have to get Kelly." I looked down and saw Kelly in her red dress, past out cold on the floor.

I froze, scared, with all the stuff with Dylan I had prayed she hadn't seen, I hadn't see her in a while. I feared she had been in here for far too long.

"Oh my god Kelly! BRANDON…NAT…call 911!" I yelled out the bathroom door, I left it open and knelt down next to her. She drove me fucking crazy but I didn't want anything to happen to her.

"Kelly." I whispered. I patted her cheek gently, "Oh my god Kelly…come on." I shook her with force, "Kelly wake up!" She wasn't moving.

Dylan was at my side then, he knelt down, "What happened?" he asked nervously and shook her hard. "Kelly! Kel…wake up Kel."

"I dont know." I whispered, "I found her like this…Kelly!" I yelled. Smacking her on the cheek harder. "Dylan!." Tears filled my eyes. I reached down and set two fingers on her neck, trying to feel a pulse. Dylan set two fingers on her wrist. A small crowd had formed by the door and Chad moved in quickly. He knelt by her head. He lifted her head up ward and brought the side of his face to her mouth.

"What are you doing?" Dylan said nervously.

Chad ignored him, "I worked two summers as a lifeguard, I know CPR." He breathed two breaths into her mouth and started compressions, 1…2….3…4 up to 30…breath breath…1…2…3…4…Kelly coughed suddenly.

"Kelly." Dylan noticed and called out. She didn't open her eyes. At that point CMT's rushed the bathroom. We got up and backed away, making room for them to work. The woman CMT bagged her mouth and started pushing air in her lungs. They kind of pushed us out of the bathroom. I felt Dylan's arm wrap around my waist tightly and I looked up at him. He looked guilty and worried. He rubbed circles in the small of my back with his thumb absently. We watched the paramedics wheel her out of the peach pit. I rode with Dylan, and followed the ambulance to the hospital. For once in a long time, both Dylan and I were silent.

We all waited in the waiting room, I watched Dylan pace back and forth. I tried to read his facial expression. I couldn't tell what he as thinking. He bit his thumbnail nervously.

"She was taking diet pills." he said out loud, not talking to any of us in particular, it was only myself, Donna, Brandon, Andrea there. David and Jackie were back talking to the doctors "We haven't been getting along lately and I've been too lost in myself and losing my dad to know how many she was taking." he admitted out loud. I swallowed hard, I hadn't cared to notice either.

"I don't think she has eaten much in 2 weeks." Donna said knowing she had known about the pills too. I looked at Dylan, his eyes met mine. I knew then what was going through his head at that moment and guilt spread over both of us quickly.

"I should have thrown them away." Dylan said sadly.

"It's not your fault Dylan, none of us did anything." Donna tried to make him feel better.

"Do you think she is anorexic or…" Brandon stopped.

"Bulimic?" Andrea finished his sentence. She shurgged, "Has anyone seen her binge or throw up?" She asked the group.

"I haven't seen her do that," Dylan answered. "Donna?"

She shook her head.

"Bren?" Brandon asked me seriously.

I shook my head quickly, "Um…Kelly and I haven't been spending much time together." Everyone looked at me and I felt 2 feet tall. Well everyone but Dylan.

David came out of the room and we all stood up.

"What did the doctor say?" Donna asked him.

David swung his arms nervously, "Well she is going to be fine. Jackie's in there with the doctor right now. He said we can see her pretty soon."

"I think I'm going to go to the coffee shop…anyone want to come?" Donna asked hopeful.

"I'll go." Andrea said.

"Me too…it's better than waiting around here." David announced as well.

"Bren…you coming?" Brandon eyed Dylan then me.

"I'll stay with Dylan." Brandon looked between us again then silently followed the group. Dylan looked at me sadly. He looked like he wanted to tell me something but he just looked at me.

"You know…most of the time Kelly and I are barely on speaking terms…maybe I should just go home." I said sadly. I felt like I didn't belong here. Especially after the looks I got from the group. I know they didn't blame me, I just don't think anyone took 5 seconds away from themselves to know how bad it was between us.

"Please don't go." Dylan begged with his eyes. I nodded and sat down. He sat besides me.

"Jesus." he breathed as he set his hands through his hair, "You have no idea how much of an asshole I feel like right now."

My hand went to his back, "Why…you didn't know."

He shook his head, "Brenda." he breathed again, "I've been so lost with losing my dad and you for that matter, I barely knew she hadn't eaten in 2 weeks. 2 fucking weeks." he spoke quietly. "I've been getting on you for not eating and I didn't even know she was abusing pills." he looked down.

"Dylan…you heard Donna, they were over the counter diet pills, you weren't with her every second to know if she was taking them correctly. You can't blame yourself for this."

Dylan looked at me. His eyes were showing gratitude but he was still feeling guilty. He wrapped his arm around me and I leaned into him. I lay my head on his shoulder and exhaled. He kissed it softly. I swallowed hard, "You can't break up with her tomorrow Dylan." I said quietly. I heard him exhale but didn't say anything.

We sat silently for what seemed like forever. We got up quickly when we heard the hospital door open and Jackie came out. She smiled at us as the rest of the gang walked over from the coffee shop.

"You can see her now…but its late so just for minute okay?" We all nodded and followed her into the room.

Donna made a joke about wanting attention on her birthday and everyone asked her how she was. I stood back with Dylan. We hung out for little while until Jackie told us it was time to go. As everyone gave her hugs and said goodbye I hung back for a second. I asked Dylan and Jackie if they minded I have a moment with Kelly alone. They left quietly and I walked closer to Kelly's bedside. I smiled at her softly

"You scared me." I looked at my one time best friend.

She breathed out a laugh, "Don't worry I'm fine. In fact it looks like I'm going to live so you can't have Dylan back." She smiled at me and at that moment I kind of wanted to kill her myself. I nodded seeing this near death experience hadn't changed a fucking thing. I took a deep breath.

"Well…I'm glad you're okay. Get some rest huh." Was it too late to tell Dylan to dump her ass and to keep my name in it. I was only half serious.

Kelly nodded and I went to leave. I had intended to tell Kelly how I felt about her that even though we've been in a rough patch lately that I loved her but…I didn't. I walked out into the hallway, Dylan was leaning against the wall and he stood up straight and stood before me.

"Are you okay?" he pursed his lips together looking at me.

"Yeah…everything is fine." I lied.

He tilted his head and shook his head as he gave me a cute smirk, "You're a terrible liar. I heard what she said." he shook his head again and breathed out disappointed. He swallowed hard. "Thank you…for being here." He leaned in and kissed my forehead, lingering there for a while. "Let me take you home." he whispered.

I shook my head, "That's okay…I'll take a cab."

He shook his head not liking that idea, "Dylan…you should stay. Call me later."

"You sure?" he asked giving in but still didn't seem comfortable. I nodded. He kissed my cheek softly then he stepped around me. I watched him head into Kelly's room and my heart broke. Kelly was a mess. She hadn't eaten in 2 weeks, her heart couldn't take the mix of diet pills and caffeine. She almost fucking died and the selfish part of me wondered if Dylan was really going to break things off with her. I exhaled and walked out of the hospital looking for a payphone. As I looked to my left, Chad Mancini was sitting on the bench. My head tilted to the side surprised to see him, had he been here the whole time? I made my way over to him and sat beside him.

"Is Kelly okay?" he asked nicely.

I nodded, "Yeah…shes fine. She has to stay the night but she can go home tomorrow. What are you doing here?"

"I followed behind everyone in the rush, I wasn't sure if I had to give information to the paramedic. Then I ran into Brandon and he said you didn't have a ride, so I figured I would hang out in case you needed one." he looked over at me sweetly and smiled. His dimples shown bright and I couldn't help but smile back. Brandon…Brandon…Brandon, he was going to hear about this.

I exhaled, "You okay?" he asked me, I was looking down and he gently bumped his shoulder with mine.

I nodded, "Yeah…it was a strange night." I shivered. I had only my sleeveless black dress on and it was after 2 in the morning now.

 _ **DPOV**_

I couldn't believe this happened. I couldn't believe I didn't know Kelly was starving herself. I had been so wrapped up in everything else I hadn't paid attention.

I felt like an insecure prick because I wanted to take Brenda home. I didn't like the idea of her taking a cab. As I walked into the hospital room I looked at Kelly. She didn't look like herself. She was paler than normal and she had dark circles under her eyes.

"You doing alright?" I asked as I sat next to her on her bed.

"Yeah…I guess I am." she said semi sure.

"It's after midnight but Happy Birthday." I smiled at her.

"Thanks." she smiled back. I looked her and thought about what Brenda said, that I couldn't break up with her tomorrow. She was right, but it didn't feel right. I cared about Kelly, I was worried about her but I wasn't going to stay with her just because of this. It wasn't fair to her.

"Dylan?" Kelly broke my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"Thanks for staying." She looked into my eyes and I swallowed hard. I took a deep breath. FUCK.

I shook my head with a shrug, "Where else would I want to be?" Brenda popped into my mind at that moment and I felt like a complete dick. I leaned in and kissed her cheek softly.

"You should get some rest." I said softly. I leaned down again and softly kissed her lips. I reached and turned the light out. "Good night Kel." I whispered.

"Good night." she said back as I walked towards the door. I looked at her one last time still feeling the guilt. She tucked her teddy bear under her arm and closed her eyes.

I said goodbye to Jackie, she was sleeping there and hoped Brenda had gotten a cab. If not I would take her home. As the electric doors opened. I saw Chad Mancini wrapping his letterman jacket around Brenda's bare shoulders. I froze. My heart stopped as I watched them get up slowly. Chads hand came to the small of her back as he led her to his car. He opened the door for her and she got in his Mustang. I stood there frozen in my spot. Part of me wanted to run over there, pull her out and toss her over my shoulder but I just stayed in that space like I was glued to the concrete. The reality of the situation was my girlfriend almost died. She was spending the night in the hospital and I wanted to beat the shit out of Chad. I had no right to be jealous but I couldn't help it. The worst part about watching them drive away was that Brenda was smiling.

 _EEEEKKKKKK Ok tell me what you are thinking? This makes things a bit more difficult doesn't it? Did you hate the change, like it? I'm sorry but I couldn't have Brenda tell her she loved her like she did on the show, not after that fucking comment. Fuck no. When I watched this episode I honestly wished Brenda had let her die on that bathroom floor. I know not really but seriously…what a bitch. Anyway…what do you think about Chad? Bad news? Maybe good? What about Dylan? Can he break up with Kelly now? Hit review and those of you that are asking about my other fics, I haven't forgotten them, this one is just flowing and I'm scared to stop because then I might lose the momentum but I promise to work on London and Long Time coming soon. And Journals which is started already. Thanks for reviewing guys…you guys make me want to write and continue Brenda and Dylan's love story._


	9. Chapter 9

_**Y** ou guys are lucky ducks...lots of updates WOO HOO! This one is a long one folks. Enjoy!_

 _ **Chapter 9**_

 _ **Senior Poll**_

God I hated school. I always used to like school, now it just sucked. The same girls that wrote shitty things on the bathroom wall about Kelly, kissed her ass. Kelly because of her near death experience had reached maximum popularity. Jesus man, I knew Kelly hadn't taken too many diet pills on purpose but talk about a way to get attention. I met up with Brandon and we walked to first period.

"So…Chad Mancini asked about you yesterday." Brandon said with a smirk.

I looked at him, "Yeah…by the way thanks a lot for telling him I didn't have a ride this past weekend."

"What Bren…he likes you and Chad has always been cool. I don't know, maybe you should give him a chance."

I rolled my eyes and just then Chad closed his locker and looked our way. He walked up to us. He smiled and held out his hand to Brandon. "Well if it isn't the famous Minnesota twins." Brandon chuckled and shook his hand.

"Brenda." his eyes ran down my frame making me smirk with a shake of my head. How was it the last few years I hadn't even noticed Chad besides that he was popular and cute and now he was everywhere? Maybe he always was. "You are looking…." he whisled still checking me out.

I rolled my eyes. David's voice came over the PA system, "All you seniors who haven't casted their votes yet for the senior poll, you have until third period to scar your fellow classmates for life." a popular song blasted through the halls.

"Did you guys vote yet?" Chad asked interested.

Brandon smiled, "I did…did you Bren?"

"Not yet."

"Well…I know who I'm voting for most sexy…do they have that category?" he smiled at me and my brother cleared his throat amused next to me.

"I don't think they have that category Chad."

"That's too bad…because it would be in the bag." He looked into my eyes with that sexy smile, "Later." Brandon shook his hand again as Chad moved down the hall, they ended with a friendly snap and I just looked at Brandon.

"Why do I get the impression you are pushing this thing with Chad?"I looked at him. The past week, Brandon has brought him up a total of 12 times.

Brandon shrugged, "I just think you deserve a little fun. He seems to be really into you and you're spending entirely too much time with Dylan McKay."

I looked at him surprised, "No I know Bren…you're friends but I don't know…just keep your options open."

I took a deep breath, Dylan and I had been spending a lot of time together but he was still with Kelly. I hadn't thought they were spending much time together considering he had been with me often but they still had the title. I knew Dylan was chomping at the bit to break it off. I feel like it was more me stalling, even though I didn't have anything to do with it. If Dylan broke up with Kelly, I felt like he would expect to start something up with me. Even if it was slow and steady. I wanted Dylan back but I wasn't sure I wanted to start world war 3 with Kelly again either. It was almost easier that he continued to pretend to be Kelly's boyfriend and spend all his free time with me. I knew that wasn't realistic and not fair to anyone but with Dylan and Kelly still together it took the pressure off of everything.

"You gonna vote Bren?" Brandon took me out of my thoughts.

I shrugged as we started walking down the hall again, "I guess…like this school needs another popularity contest."

"Don't worry Bren…I'm sure you're going to win the done most for the class."

"Yeah right." I sighed.

"I'm serious, You organized the pig skin prom, the Christmas trip to Alvarado street, the orientation for the senior buddies."

"Brandon." I took a deep breath and moved to face him. "It doesn't matter, if its anything like last year all the winners will have known each other since like 2nd grade." I rolled my eyes.

"I just can't believe you care." he smiled amused.

"You mean, lets just say 10 years from now you wont get a kick out of looking back at the final issue of The Blaze the yearbook, and remember that your friends and your classmates thought you were one of the best and the brightest?"

Brandon nodded, "Truthfully Bren…I haven't given it much thought."

"I thought you said you voted?"

"Well…I voted but.."

"And you didn't vote for yourself in any categories?" I smiled at him, knowing my brother well enough he had. He smiled back. "I rest my case." I raised my eyebrows and walked into my class. I heard him chuckle and walk towards his class.

In first period I filled out my ballot. I vote for my so called friends and I did vote for myself for done most for the class. I fill out Donna and David for cutest couple and take a deep breath. My heart feels heavy thinking that at this time last year, I would have filled in Dylan and I. Times sure change and hell to the no if I'm going to vote for Dylan and Kelly. I look at the fact there is most sexy after all and I smile as I write in Chads name for fun. The bell rings and I stuff the ballot in the box they have in front of The Blaze. I walk to second period and see Dylan, lounging on the ledge reading a book.

"Well…if it isn't the most handsome." I say with smile.

He chuckled, "Please…I'll take most bad ass."

"Funny you say that because that's exactly what I voted for you in." I joke but am so serious. I voted for Dylan for most handsome and most bad ass.

"Funny because I voted for you for most beautiful and most sexy."

"Liar." I blush.

"Not lying and I voted for Brenda and Dylan for cutest couple too. I felt like it was kind of true." He smiled.

I rolled my eyes "Too bad were not a couple." I say my smile fading. Every one at school knows Dylan and I are not a couple anymore. If he is telling the truth, he'd have the only vote for that one. I look at him and he is amused. "You're not serious are you?"

He smiles and shrugs, "I guess you'll never know." He kicks his legs over and looks at me. This is how its been the last week. Holding back, flirting, secretive. "Kelly is doing better." he throws out.

I nod like a care, "That's good."

He stands up and moves in front of me, "Like better…like I'm gonna have that conversation with her." he says and I get it.

"If thats what you want." I try to act impartial but my stomach does a flip. I'm scared of what that means for us but I'm also happy. It's a confusing feeling.

Two hands wrap around Dylan's eyes at that moment, "Guess who?"

"Uh….Elizabeth Browning?" Dylan jokes and I roll my eyes.

"Ha…ha…hey Bren." Kelly smiles at me. I purse my lips together and fake a smile back. She does look better. She is smiling and the coloring in her face is back. She links arms with Dylan and I internally gag. I want to gauge my eyes out but the look of apology that Dylan is giving me holds me back.

"Well…look at this…most beautiful…most sexy…and most grumpy all in the same place." Chad appears by my side. Dylan exhales through his nostrils.

Kelly giggles, "Hey Chad…well if it isn't most athletic." she bats her eyelashes at him.

"What do you want Mancini?" Dylan says annoyed.

"Nothing from you bro…I wanted to walk this beauty to class…if she'll let me." he looks down at me and wraps his arm around my waist. At that moment I'm thankful for the interruption and I look up at him.

"You know what…I can't think of anyone I'd rather have walk me to class." I say to piss off Dylan. Dylan is straight faced and angry. "Bye guys." I sing song and allow Chad to lead me down the corridor.

"Later." Chad calls out only having eyes for me.

"Well look at that…Chad Mancini and Brenda?" I hear Kelly as I walk away. "Who would have thought? They're cute together."

I don't hear Dylan's response just a grunt, the hall is crowded so we haven't moved much away from them, the last I hear Kelly say is, "Don't be jealous Dylan…I only talked to him for a second." I shake my head. She's hopeless. I look up at Chad's handsome face, he smiles down at me and tightens his hold around my waist. For a second I feel happy, Chad is sweet, charming and so hot. Also I know for a fact, he hasn't dated Kelly or hooked up with her and that simple fact makes me happier. Then my smile fades thinking about the senior poll, if Dylan and Kelly get cutest couple. I will fucking kill myself. _Please god…if you exist, not that…anything but that._

At lunch I make my way over to the quad. Donna and David are on stage all smiles announcing the senior poll winners.

"First off we have the most athletic…Chad Mancini and Tony Miller." I clap.

"Most likely to succeed…Brandon Walsh and Andrea Zuckerman." I woo and clap loudly with a smile.

"Most talented…oh look at that my very own David Silver and Cindy Paine." Gushes Donna. I smile.

"Best dressed…My girl Donna Martin and Brent Chaplin."

"Biggest flirts we have…Steve Sanders and Karla Kellogg."

"What did I miss?" Kelly appears at my side and I take a deep breath. Great…I have to be in the presence of Miss beautiful herself when they announce her name. I smack myself for voting for her.

"Um…Chad for most athletic, Donna best dressed, Brandon and Andrea most likely to succeed…" I continue giving her the low down. She smiles wide when I mention Steve for biggest flirt. She turns giving her attention to Donna and David. They are going through the list. People I barely know but Kelly claps like she's known them her whole life. Dylan appears by Kelly's side.

"You are the last person I would expect to be here." She says without looking at him but I look at him and he winks at me.

"Done most for the class, "Leah Molder and Tim McCarty."

"Lea Molder?" I say disappointed, she didn't do shit for the class. Kelly claps loudly. We know who she voted for. "Didn't you and Leah used to hang out?" I ask already knowing the answer.

"Yeah…I've known Leah since like 2nd grade." I roll my eyes, see told ya Brandon. Dylan eyes me trying to read my pissed off expression. I knew this would happen and I'm trying to not let it get to me. That was the only chance I had at getting anything. Why do I care so much about these polls?

"Most sexy…or if Mrs. Teasley asks…Most wanted to be stranded on a deserted island with." Donna makes a face knowing that that particular category had been an issue with the adults and it's most sexy no matter what they make them print.

David looks at the paper and smiles, "Well it looks like Chad Mancini must have stuffed all the boxes ladies and gents because the winner is Chad Mancini and…Brenda…Walsh." David smiles at me, the tone as he reads my name is shocked, but not a mean shocked a pleasantly surprised shock.

"Wow…Bren...sexy" Dylan makes fun of me and wiggles his eyebrows at me knowingly and I look at Kelly as she crosses her arms jealous. She doesn't say anything but I think she thought she had that one in the bag.

"Alright…bare with us folks…there are just three left. "Most bad ass…Dylan McKay and Skylar Green." I laugh out loud as Dylan looks down embarrassed, he loves every minute of that one and I know it.

"I'll catch up with you guys later." Dylan calls out.

"Where are you going? They are almost done." she says disappointed.

"Sorry Kel…I have to meet with Andrea before Chem and AP english. Later Bren." he calls out as he moves towards school.

"Dylan?" she calls out after him. I clear my throat uncomfortably. I know why, Dylan is going to win most handsome and Kelly will win most beautiful. She is disappointed he wont be by her side for the next category…or best couple. I know Dylan well enough that…he may really have to meet Andrea but chances are he knows his name may be called too and he doesn't want to be there.

"We have Best Couple." Donna looks at the page confused, she looks at David's copy. He shrugs clueless, "Um…well this is odd." she says with a laugh, "Um…Dylan McKay…" my heart breaks, they won it. "And Brenda Walsh?" Donna looks at me. My eyes widen and I look at Kelly. She is glaring at me and I just shrug. What the hell?

"They aren't even a couple anymore." Kelly says out loud in front of everyone standing around the quad. I smirk at her obvious bitterness but hide it as I look down.

"Well…looks like the seniors want them to be." Stacy McCall says back. She was the nicer one in the bathroom with Shelly Phillips that day, I remember her now. She smiles at me and I smile back.

"I can't believe this." Kelly says under her breath.

Donna clears her throat, "Alright folks and the winner for most handsome is…Dylan McKay." I clap and smile to myself. He is pretty damn handsome.

"See…he missed it." Kelly says sadly. I don't say anything.

"And Most beautiful is." David reads and smiles widely, "The one…the only…Kelly…Taylor."

Donna smiles at us hoping that the best couple announcement will fade away from Kelly's brain. Everyone claps loudly and Kelly smiles. She takes a step forward and shyly waves. "Here she is our queen." David says proud of his step sister.

"Without her king." Kelly says as she smiles sadly as everyone claps. I stare at her so jealous I can't see straight.

I walk to Chem. I didn't think I'd win anything…most sexy I feel is very weird. Appreciated but I'm not sure if thats the last impression I want to make at this school. Best couple was fucking weird but maybe just because we had gone out so long? Who knows but as long as Kelly and Dylan didn't win it…it could have been freaking anyone else. I walk in and see Dylan at our table. He looks up at me with a smile as I get close.

"Well…most handsome?" I say making fun of him a little. He playfully rolls his eyes unimpressed.

"Most sexy. I agree with that actually." Dylan leans in and kisses my cheek as I sit down.

Shelly comes over and stops at our table, "Congrats guys…best couple…I always knew you'd get back together." I look down and Dylan's head whips to me confused.

"Wait…we won?" I make eye contact with him.

I chuckle and nod, "Yeah, thanks a lot for leaving me with a seething Kelly." he breaths out and shakes his head.

"Now that…I'm kind of sorry I missed." he jokes.

I really wondered how this happened. "Did you really vote for us?"

He nods, "It was more wishful thinking…I guess I wasn't the only one huh?" he moves closer in front of my face.

I look at him, "Dylan...stop." I don't move though. He leans in and kisses me gently on the lips. "Most sexy? I don't think I wanted anyone to know that about you. You were kind of my little secret. Guess my secret is out." he whispers against my lips. We haven't kissed like really kissed since that day in my room of Jack's funeral. He leans in and takes my lips with his. Opening and closing sensually around my mouth. I breath out, and move my lips with his. His hand comes to my head and his tongue enters my mouth slowly. It licks it gently and the butterflies in my belly explode as my core aches. Our kiss is long and intense and so gently slow. The whole class woo's and claps at us and I break the kiss embarrassed. Dylan's hand still on my head as he smiles. I look down and he gently kisses my forehead sweetly. I hide my face in his neck as he hugs my close to him.

He raises his hand to the class, "Alright…alright…enough." he chuckles as the class calms down. I face the front and know I'm beet red.

"Dylan…what if people talk?"

"So…let them." he says like its no big deal.

"What if Kelly hears about this?" I look at him seriously.

He take a deep breath, "Bren…does it really matter? Kelly and I are history and after tomorrow night she'll know it." he says so sure.

He looks at me, my nervous expression, "I don't want her to hear about this and you can't just kiss me like that…in front of the whole class." I beg.

He moves so he is facing me again, "Bren…she won't and I'm sorry. I didn't see you stopping it either. It feels right with you…I love you." he says so honest my heart aches.

Mr. Goff comes into class at the perfect timing and I turn towards the front. "Settle down everyone…settle down." I look at the side of Dylan's face. No I'm not going to jump into serious with Dylan again but I am going to give him a chance. I lean over him and write on his blank notebook paper.

 _I love you too._ He smiles at me and wraps his arm around me. He hugs me into him for a moment as Mr. Goff writes on the board. Chem is beginning to be my favorite class. Right there in senior chemistry…I feel content. Most handsome by my side. Kelly may be the queen of this school, but for the next 45 minutes. I have my king.

 _ **DPOV**_

"But don't you think…stoic is the right word to use there?" I ask her as I grip the phone, reading a paragraph from my manuscript to her

"Yeah…you are stoic I guess." Brenda giggles and I laugh.

"Bren…come over." I ask her my tone serious, begging.

"Dylan..come on…no…you don't give up. You know what will happen if I do."

"Exactly my point…Uh." I groan almost sexually, "Brenda its been so long. I want to feel you…I want to be inside you…I can't stop thinking about it." I say playfully and I'm throughly horny as fuck.

Brenda laughs, "Oh my god…no…go take a cold shower you pervert."

"You know what I'm gonna do in that shower don't you?" I smirk.

"Good night Dylan." she says but there is humor in her voice.

"I'm gonna stroke myself…" I continue.

"Bye Dylan."

"And think about you…"

She sighs like I'm driving her crazy and sits silent. "Bren?" I think for a second she's hung up on me.

"You don't make my life easy." she says serious.

I sigh cutting her some slack, "I know…I'm sorry. Alright let me go take a shower so I can beat off to my girl."

She giggles, "Good night Dylan." she says the smile back in her voice.

"Sweet dreams Bren. Love you." I say knowing she probably won't say it back. She had today in class in my notebook, which by the way I did not throw away but it wasn't a regular occurrence now days.

"I know." she whispers sweetly. We hang up and I sigh like a dreamy love struck fool. God I miss her and that kiss today in class has made me think of nothing fucking else but making love to her. I need to behave. I know Brenda wants to take it slow and I still have to talk to Kelly. I would have tonight but she said she had plans with her mom and David for dinner. She invited me but I gave her my writing excuse and she seemed to buy it. There was a knock on my door and I walked curiously over to it. Maybe it was Brenda, did she hang up and speed race over here, god I hope so. I open the door to find Kelly smiling on the other side of it.

"I brought left overs." she holds up a bag of Chinese food.

"Wow…thanks." I know my tone doesn't sound enthusiastic. I open the door wider and think maybe tonight will be good time to have that conversation after all.

Kelly comes in and sets the food on the coffee table. "So what did you do today?"

I shrugged, "Write mostly, Oh hey I went down to the old playground today. It brought me back to days with my dad. You should check it out. It was pretty cool being there."

Kelly sits on the futon."So…I was thinking…tomorrow when we take our yearbook pictures for the senior poll, we go all out. You can wear a tux…I can wear a ball gown…what do you think?" she smiles at me and I take a deep breath, its like she hadn't heard anything I had just said.

"How bout I wear a paper bag?" I say not even kidding. I think this whole thing is lame as hell and the only picture in my mind I want to take is that best couple pic…for selfish reasons.

"Seriously." she smiles and leans in to kiss me. I pull back and look at her.

"I am serious."

"Dylan?" here we go.

"Kelly?" I say in my finest smart ass. I'm not wearing a tux.

"It's bad enough you wouldn't stay at the quad with me when they made the announcement, but now…to wear a bag over your head in the picture? Are you going to wear a bag over your head in the picture with Brenda?" Oh here it comes. "which by the way." she gets up like this is just the beginning of her rant. "How the hell did that even happen? You guys haven't been together in months. Five months to be exact and you're going out with me."

I shook my head, "I…don't know." I said honestly.

"You voted for us right?" Shit.

"I didn't vote." I shrugged lying. I hated a liar and I felt like I was doing it more and more lately.

"Didn't vote? A bag over your head? What are you trying to say here?" her hand came out and I took a deep breath.

"That I think the whole thing is a big joke that's it. Over and out…it doesn't have anything to do with you. I don't care what people think of me…you know that."

"Well…considering I'm standing next to you in the picture I think it has everything to do with me." she paces once and I sigh loudly. I have to do it. I get up the nerve and she starts again.

"You know winning most beautiful isn't the most important thing to me either. Are you trying to say it is? That we are so different and thats I'll I care about?"

I shake my head utterly confused, "No…that's not what Im saying. You know what Kel, why don't you sit down…I need to talk to you about something."

"No…I don't want to talk to you. So it's okay for Brenda to win most sexy and best couple with you…someone that isn't even her boyfriend but it's not ok for me to win most beautiful?"

What the fuck? "I didn't say anything about Brenda…I was just saying to me…it doesn't matter. I would rather skip the whole stupid tradition." I raised my voice. Kelly was maybe certifiably crazy and she was getting on my last nerve.

"Then Fine…dont take the picture!" Kelly grabs her purse forcibly and storms to my front door.

"Kelly!" I call out to her. My door slams shut and my hands go into my hair. "Ah." I yelled out frustrated. God damn it. Was I ever going to get the chance to break things off with her?

The next day we migrated in the quad waiting for our pictures to be taken. I wore a tux like an idiot. My logic being, I planned to meet up with Kelly tonight, to have that much needed talk and showing up with a bag over my head today wouldn't get her talking to me any sooner, kiss up today and break up tonight. I did wear a t-shirt under my tux shirt so I could take a normal couple picture with Brenda.

Speaking of Brenda, I whistled, "My god…I don't know whether to grope you or throw my jacket over you to cover you…you look incredible." I looked her up and down. She was wearing a skin tight sexy black dress. Her hair long and straight, makeup down tastefully, with dark lips and dangling gold earrings.

She shrugged, "I figured I would dress the part…part of me wanted to wear a paper bag over my head." she joked.

I laughed out loud, "That's what I wanted to do." how funny?

Brenda's eyes followed down my frame, "This…suits you too." she rolled her eyes knowing it didn't, this was so beyond me it was ridiculous.

"Don't remind me…I'm only wearing it because right now Kelly isn't speaking to me and if I want to get back in her good graces so I can talk to her tonight. It was a tux and top hat. I look ridiculous."

She smiled, "You don't…you look very handsome…fitting for most handsome I'd say." She looked into my eyes. I wanted this girl so much I physically ached to be with her.

"Brenda…babe." Chad came over looking at her like a fresh piece of meat. "Sexy…smart and beautiful…a triple threat." I wanted to fucking sock him. He had honestly wanted Brenda from the moment he saw her. I knew it, the whole school knew it, I told him to back off a few times and I thought he had. Well now with Brenda and I apart it seemed that backing off was over, in his eyes she was fair game.

"Cute tux Dylan." he made fun of me and looked back at Brenda. "You ready Bren?" My fists clenched. I fucking hated him.

She smiled nicely, "Yes…give me one minute." he nodded looked me up and down and gave her a moment waling towards the camera guy. Brenda reached into her bag to reapply her lipstick.

"Bren…he calls you Bren now?" She shrugged looking into her little mirror.

"Brenda…you look beautiful…come on." Chad called out in front of the camera holding this half of "class of 93.

"See ya." she smiled at me and went to take her sexy picture. I watched them and breathed out deeply through my nose. I swear to god if they happened, I'd kill him.

"Dylan…your writing is so good." Andrea appeared by my side. Her and Brandon had decided to dress for success in pin stripe blue suits, she looked cute.

"I can't believe you finished it, I just gave it to you at lunch yesterday."

She smiled, "It was so well written, I couldn't put it down. Fascinating stuff Dylan…and the woman you talk about…is that about Kelly? Man really really good stuff Dylan."

I was thankful Kelly came over at that moment. She had her hair up and a long elegant black dress on, long white gloves, she looked the part for sure.

"Well look at you…you wore a tux after all…no paper bag?" she said it snotty and I looked at Andrea embarrassed.

"Anyway Dylan, thanks for letting me read it. Come by later and I'll give the manuscript back to you." Andrea felt awkward and walked away to find Brandon for their picture.

"What is she talking about, manuscript, wait a minute you let her read it? When do I get to read it?" Oh fuck.

"She is helping with it. It isn't ready, I said you could when it was done." I tried to think of something.

"But its done enough for Andrea to read?" she said with hate in her voice.

I stared at her shocked, "Because she is my editor and she is good at writing."

"Then why don't you go to bed with her." I looked around, people were watching us. Brenda and Chad looked our way hearing it.

"What are you saying Kelly?" I spoke calmly and quietly. This was not how I wanted to do this.

"I'm saying that I resent the fact I am good enough to sleep with but not good enough to show your writing too. Sadly we haven't been doing much of the that either." She was still speaking loudly.

"Fine…I'll show you my writing." Anything to shut her the fuck up. I hadn't even slept with kelly since before my dad died, I didn't want the whole school knowing my business or Brenda thinking we were still sleeping together.

"Not because you value my opinion…just because you want me to shut up." Kelly started to take her gloves off and walk away from me.

"Hey McKay…you're on deck." the camera guy called out. I looked at him, every single person was staring at us. My eyes landed on Brenda's, she looked down.

I walked over to her, "Kelly…I don't know what has gotten into you. I can't even have a conversation with you anymore. Of course I value your opinion."

"NO!" she yelled, "You value the way I look and the way I dress and the fact that I have sex with you but you don't listen to a thing I say." She kept her tone. That is it, I was humiliated.

"I don't listen to you, who was I listening to when I picked up this stupid hat and this stupid cane." I threw them to the side hastily. "I don't want to have this picture taken anyway." I yelled and threw up my hands.

"Fine…then we wont take it!" Kelly yelled and continued on her way.

I stared at her back as she went angrily around the corner, "Are you okay?" I closed my eyes and exhaled. It was good to hear her voice.

"No…I can't do this anymore Bren…it's like every time we are alone we fight. I tried to sit her down last night, all she did was storm off. I wore this stupid shit…in hopes that she'd be calm so I could actually have a conversation with her tonight, a lot of good that did."

"You want me to tell Maxwell just to skip our picture? It's not like it's real anyway." I looked at her.

"No…I want to take the picture with you." I took off my tux jacket and started unbuttoning my shirt. I tossed them to the side and untucked my t-shirt. "Brenda…this picture is real to me okay? I know its stupid but when I look back at our yearbook, I want to see this picture of you and me. I don't care about being most handsome, thats not what I'll hold on too. I'll hold on to the fact when I went to the school here, for the majority of it, I was with you and it was the best time of my life." I took her hand softly. She smiled at me and nodded.

"I want that too." she whispered. We stared at each other for a long period until we heard our names.

Maxwell the camera man for the Blaze had us sit on the bench as he propped the class of 93 sign next to us. He instructed Brenda to sit on my lap. I wrapped my right arm around her tightly, and intertwined my left hand with hers. I set my chin on her shoulder, as she pressed her cheek against mine.

"Alright…1…2…3 smile!" click, "Alright one more. Any pose you want, The Blaze and year book want choices. Give me a second to reload." Maxwell said.

Brenda moved to sit next to me on the bench. I brought my my leg over it straddling it so I could look a her. She lifted her leg around it too. We faced each other.

"How do you want to do this?"

"Come here." I whispered not thinking about the picture. She scooted her center towards me. When she was close enough, I lifted her easily so she was straddling me. I leaned my forehead against hers and closed my eyes exhaling. "Im sorry. I'm so sorry for all this mess Bren. I love you so god damn much." Click.

She sat quiet and I leaned away from her looking at her gorgeous face. My arms were loosely around her waist. She bought both hands to my face and kissed me. I heard the click again but I didn't break that kiss.

"Thanks guys…perfect." Maxwell said almost nonchalantly but Brenda and myself didn't move right away.

When we did we both looked up to see Donna and David staring at us. She smiled at us like she half expected this the whole time. Then I saw Steve, Brandon and Andrea, their faces weren't as happy for me and Bren's moment.

Later that night I went to Kelly's to talk to her. The only one there to greet me was David.

"You know I've lived with Kelly for awhile now, and she could get moody but I have never heard her get that upset. I mean Jackie hasn't come out of her room since Kelly took off."

"I feel bad for Jackie cause its not her Kelly's mad at its me." I said with a sigh.

"But she is definitely down on Jackie too." David nodded knowing way more than I did.

"She's had a few things on her mind lately."

"Like you and Brenda?" David said it and surprisingly he wasn't mean about it.

I took a deep breath, David continued, "I know she feels like she can do everything herself but I think she should have stayed in that eating disorder group." he sat down.

"What group?" I had no idea.

"She didn't tell you about it?" David sighed, "Man…I didn't know it was a secret."

"Either did I David." I looked down feeling bad, it seemed Kelly had been going through a lot more than I had thought.

"I thought about going after her but I thought about me, and if I was that upset I thought I would just want to be alone. She probably went down to the beach or something."

I shook my head, "No…I know where she went."

I walked up through the parking lot of the old playground. She was looking down sitting on a swing. As I got behind her I sighed sadly. "I knew you'd be here...I think I use to push you on this same swing." I said remembering. God it seemed like so long ago.

"So you could look up my dress." she said quietly.

"That wasn't me." That was Andrew Bidderlain, at that moment I wonder if kelly even remembers me from Kindergarten at all.

"I remember you fell and skinned your knee and you just sat there bleeding because you didn't want anyone to see you cry."

Kelly gets up and moves away from me, "It's not that easy anymore Dylan." she runs her fingers through her hair, "Why don't you just do me and everybody else a big favor and go back to Brenda, thats what the whole school wants, they only voted it."

I sit on the lunch tables and look at her. "Kelly…" I breathe.

"I know there is something going on with you guys. I saw you take that picture, I went back to apologize to you and I saw you guys posing." she is crying and I feel bad. "kissing."

"Kelly…I'm sorry you saw that." I really was.

She shrugs, "I think we were fooling ourselves anyway. Im just a stupid blonde bitch that's not really worth it."

"I disagree." I say truthfully.

"Why don't you ask my father that never calls me anymore, my mom, who probably hates me right now, all the guys I put out with in the 10th grade that never called me again."

"Kelly." I say her name again. I want to have a discussion with her but she's so down on herself. I decide to listen instead.

She breaks down, "Or why don't you talk to Brenda and ask her how it really feels to trust someone and have someone go behind your back and steal your boyfriend."

"That's not how it happened Kelly. We made a mistake."

"I know." she wipes her face quickly.

"We are two little kids that had to walk home from school by ourselves because our parents forgot to pick us up. It doesn't make us perfect for each other." I shrugged, "We tried Kel…and it was fun for a while. But if we continue like this we are going to kill each other."

"I know. I'm sorry." she looks down.

"We aren't meant to be Kel…we are alike but…we really bring out the worst in each other. We are both so much more than best looking in a poll. But its like with us its almost status, almost like because we are both basket cases, we should be together but you know as well as I do…that's not the case. You expect more from me as you should and I need someone to push me into being who I'm suppose to be, we should want to be more." I look at Kelly, she looks down. "We aren't soul mates Kelly."

She looks at me and nods, "I know." her voice breaks.

"You saved me that day…when you called me at the marina. It should have been me in that car and I'll forever be grateful. I miss my dad Kelly…I miss Jack so much but I'm not sad I'm alive. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for making that call that morning."

"I know, I couldn't help you when your dad died." she admitted, "I wanted too but I just didn't know how. Then I saw the way you were with Brenda, opening up to her, talking to her and I couldn't stand it because deep inside I knew why. I knew you guys were connected and you had been through a lot together. I knew you still loved her."

I nod, "I do." I say quietly.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me…us?" She asks, her eyes sparkling with tears as she sits on the swing.

"I think so…I hope so…I'm gonna try…I have to try." I whisper heartfelt.

Kelly looks at me and sadly smiles, "You want her back." its not a question…its a revelation.

"I do…I do so much…I'm sorry." I feel bad admitting it.

Kelly walks over to me. She places her hand on my cheek and kisses the other side. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being my friend."

Her arms drop and I grab her hand, "I'll always be your friend Kel." I offer her a ride home and she accepts. She leans over and hugs me when I stop in front of her house.

"You know…it's still early…you have time to make a stop over at Brenda's."

I smile and look down before looking at her, "I probably will do just that."

"Good luck." she gets out of the car and I look at her again. Kelly is an amazing girl. She will make someone happy some day, it just wont be me. "Night." she says and she looks more relaxed then I have seen her in so long.

"Night, Oh and Kel?" She turns and looks at me, "Tomorrow…that picture? No top hats…just two old friends?"

She laughs, "Deal." she nods, "When you are old and losing your hair, you and Brenda can show your kids how attractive you used to be."

I throw my head back and laugh. "Oh I'm sure thats the first thing she'll want to do…show them a picture of me and you." I shake my head still imagining.

"You're probably right." she shrugs. "See you Dylan…and thanks."

I nod and drive away. I feel free, I feel like that was how break ups should always be. When I pull up to the Walsh's, I'm excited. I know Brenda said it didn't mean we were automatically back together but I still was excited. I grabbed my manuscript I had gotten back from Andrea and approached the front door. I knocked and was greeted by Cindy.

"Hi Dylan…what a nice surprise." She hugs me like a mother hugs her son and I squeeze her. Thankful for all she has done for me.

"Is Bren here?" I ask as we let go.

She looks at me and smiles, "Yes…she is in her room. Go on up."

I take the stairs two at a time, I stand outside her door. I knock softly. Hearing no answer I open it slowly an look inside. She is laying across her bed, her face in her book sleeping. I smile. I let myself in closing the door behind me. I go and sit next to her and push her hair from her face. Even in slumber I know she had been crying. I lay beside her, so we are face to face. She moans softly and moves little.

"Dylan." she whispers and for a second I think she's awake. "I give up…come and find me" she whispers again.

I wrap my arm around her, "I'm here Bren."

Her eyes open and she looks into mine. "Dylan?" she is surprised to see me but doesn't move. "You're here."

"Always." I whisper. "Why are you crying baby?" She hides her face, "Let me see you Bren." Its like she doesn't want me to see her suffering.

She closes her eyes and a tear falls down her nose. I reach up and wipe it, letting my thumb caress her cheek.

"You think you see me, don't believe your eyes. It's just a shell I left behind, you see the house and I'm somewhere inside."

"Let me bring you back Brenda." I kiss her softly and gather her into my arms. She cries harder. "I want you to find me. I think I've gone too far. Please don't leave me in the dark." she sobs out. Tears brim my eyes and I nod against her head. "Never…I'll never leave you."

She gets up and turns her back towards me, "You already have."

I get up and stand by her bed, "Did I though Brenda…did I really leave you?"

She turns quickly, "YES! You did!"

My hands are on her face, "I didn't…I got lost but I'm back. I want you back. I'm sorry." I hate that I've done this to her. I hate that she doesn't trust I'm here, that I've always been here. "I talked to Kelly." my hands drop from her face and her eyes widen. "She knows…she knows I'm in love with you, she knows I never stopped loving you. She knows everything."

She closes her eyes, "Great."

"No Bren…she knew the whole time. She gave us her blessing. She was the one that told me to come over here. It went good…it went really good. It's over with us…forever." Brenda closes her eyes like she has waited to hear that. She moves her fingers through her hair and moves to the bed. She sits down and sighs.

I join her, taking her hand in mine. "What now, where do we even start?" she asks, then her eyes meet mine.

I smile at her and look at our intertwined hands, "I think…you start by letting me ask you on a date."

She chuckles through some stray tears. She stays quiet. "What are you doing for the rest of your life?" I ask her dead serious.

She looks at me quickly. Surprised, "Well…I don't know I'll have to check my schedule." she jokes rolling her eyes playfully and I chuckle again.

"Too much?"

"A little?" she says with a smile.

"What about Friday night then, dinner? A movie?"

She swallows hard thinking about it, "Okay." she whispers.

"Slow and steady." I lean in.

"Slow and steady." she repeats and closes the distance between us. Our lips touch gently. I deepen it. Her tongue pushes into my mouth and I groan in response. Soon we are on our sides and we are in a heavy make out. I slow the kiss and peck her lips again.

"I'm gonna go." I whisper kissing her again. I get up sexually frustrated and point to the manuscriot, "For you…read it." she picks it up and rubs her hand over it. She brings it to her chest and hugs it.

"Why are you going?" she whines she doesn't want me to leave.

I sigh loudly, "because if I don't leave now, I will take you on that bed and then your parents will really send you away to a foreign country."

She giggles and it's the best sound in the whole world. I stare at her amazed. "Night Bren."

"Good night Dylan." she smiles at me. My eyes look down at her cleavage and I groan.

"Looks like I'm looking forward to a night of jerking in the shower again." I say openly.

She blushes and looks down. I roll my eyes at my weakness which is Brenda. I open the door.

"Dylan?" I turn to look at her. "Don't _beat_ yourself up about it." she jokes.

"Oh funny. Good one." I shake my head with a laugh. She thinks its comical. My sexual frustration is funny.

She comes over to the door, and grabs the edge, she kisses me softly one last time, "If it helps…I'll be singing in the shower too." She raises one eyebrow to me and shuts the door. I hit my head against it getting it instantly.

My fist goes to my mouth and I leave the Walsh's with plenty of jack off material to last me a lifetime.

 _Ok nice and long for you guys. So next up Senior ditch day…Prom after that…graduation after that…it's the end of senior year in our little season 3 rewrite world and I love it here. Ok so I liked the way I broke up Kelly and Dylan…I have a feeling some of my Kelly haters will not. I just wanted to explain and then you can tell me off in the reviews. I wanted kelly and Dylan's break up to be mutual. I didn't want another triangle to jealous freak outs. I wanted both of them to know they made a mistake and it's over. Forever. kelly and Dylan were a horrible couple. I don't get the match up, I don't understand even the need for them. I hated this episode with the passion. UGH so frustrating. Kelly acting like a crazy lunatic, Dylan rushing to make her happy, Brenda and Steve getting nothing in the polls, but Donna (no offense) gets 3 things? David isn't even a fucking senior but he gets something? I mean…am I missing something? Anyway I made it better. I kept Dylan's and kelly's supposed past, but that relationship needed to end like in 1993…so hope you guys aren't too angry with me. Ok now you can yell at me, or love me or praise me or vote me most likely to keep writing BD fanfic till Im dead…whateves! But tell me something! Great reviews lately guys! I'm seeing new follows and new names reviewing, it makes me so happy! Love you all! PS thanks to my loyal PM'ers you guys are AMAZEBALLS!_


	10. Chapter 10

_The break up scene was a success! The majority of you loved it and I'm so glad. I hope you guys all got my reasoning. Would it have been awesome if Dylan dumped Kelly in front of the whole school…sure? But my intention was to fix that dreaded playground scene and I think I accomplished that. Plus there isn't enough story left to write all the Dylan, Kelly and Brenda drama again. Plus we saw that in the show already…for years! Kelly and Dylan are over and thats what matters. Plus it's pretty humiliating when the whole senior class thinks your a home wrecker and votes Brenda and Dylan cutest couple, when Kelly and Dylan were an actual couple. Can you imagine being in Kelly's shoes? WOAH slap in the face. I mean the class or cliques got together and pretty much said, you may have him but he doesn't belong with you. HAHA Kelly. Anyway Chapter 10, Sorry for the delay but I just had knee surgery last Tuesday so it's slowly getting better and writing is coming easily ow that I'm not high on pain meds LOL. I'm working on LTC and Journals too! Enjoy! Rated M!_

 _ **Chapter 10**_

 _ **Senior Ditch Day**_

 _ **BPOV**_

I sat next to Donna while we sold tickets to the seniors for Magic Mountain during lunch. That was where we were going this year, it was either buy a ticket to Magic Mountain or come to school. Pretty easy choice for me.

"So…I talked to Kelly last night. She said her and Dylan broke up." Donna said nonchalant as she gave Claire Paine her change. "Thanks Claire." she said nicely, Claire smiled at me knowingly and I was aware she was eavesdropping. I waited until she was out of ear shot even though it was only a matter of time that the school heard about Kelly and Dylan now.

"Yeah…I know, Dylan came over after." I said just as nonchalant but her head whipped around so fast she didn't take it nonchalantly at all. "What?" I said as she stared at me.

"So? Dish? Kelly told me the break up was mutual and they realized they had made a mistake. She also said that he was still in love with you?"

"Your point exactly?" I didn't feel comfortable talking to Donna about this. Chad came over and smiled at me.

"Hey Bren…Donna…one ticket for Magic Mountain please." I smiled up at him.

"10 dollars." He handed me a 10 and I passed him a ticket.

"Are you going to Magic Mountain Bren?" Donna looked between us and smirked.

"I am. Beats being here." I say honestly. I stare at his face he is really cute. I can't believe I've never paid attention before. I know it was because all three years I went to this school I was in my own world. I gave up branching out to meet people for Kelly, Donna, Steve and Dylan. I never tried out for cheerleading, I never went to football games, Chad Mancini was Mr. Football himself. He had the pick of any girl at this school and I didn't even think I was in the same league as him. Then I met Dylan and fell so head over heels that it didn't matter. I got self confidence back, it dwindled moving here to Beverly Hills where I soon found myself at the bottom of the food chain because I was new. Dylan made me feel sexy, wanted, he showed me that sometimes opposites do attract, he showered me with love, romance and he made my body feel things I had only read about in romance novels. I didn't regret my high school sweetheart love but it did make me a little sad that high school was ending and I hadn't branched out. I mean I had been so loyal to my group and for what, a supposed best friend that screwed my boyfriend. Was it too late to change that?

"Brenda?" I shook my head, Chad and Donna both looking at me.

"Wait what…sorry." I sighed, "I'm out of it I guess."

Chad gave me a sweet smile, his blue eyes bright, his tanned complexion looked like he spent hours in the sun and I assumed it was because of all the activities he did outdoors.

"I said…can I sit with you on the bus? Here it is end of the year and I feel like we never got to hang out." he said sweetly. He looked down shyly, embarrassed of his openness in front of Donna. She smirked helping another senior that needed to buy a ticket.

"We'll see." I said with a smirk of my own.

"Well…that's not a no?" He flirted.

I shook my head and laughed, "No…it's not a no."

He nodded once and his smile widened. "Cool." he said simply, "Later Donna…Brenda I hope to see you later." I smiled as he walked down the hallway. I watched his ass in his jeans. He was a certifiable hunk. I sighed. God he was hot.

"Oh my God, Chad Mancini is so into you. I actually had heard he had a huge crush on you but I never really thought much about it…" Donna rambled.

"Wait you knew? Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Donna shrugged, "I didn't think you would care…wait do you care?"

I shrugged helping another student buy their ticket, did I care? I wasn't sure. It was very flattering but I was too hooked on Dylan to think about actually dating other people. We loved each other, yes we had a ways to go but my love for him, even after what he had done didn't fade. If anything in my heart, it made me more in love with him because now I knew what it was like without Dylan McKay.

"So…about Dylan, I mean your couple picture is so adorable Bren. I saw the proofs at the Blaze. I mean it looks like you guys were just made for each other."

I looked at Donna surprised, "I didn't think you thought that way." I said simply.

"What do you mean? I liked you with Dylan." she almost seemed offended.

"You seemed a little team Kelly if you ask me."

Donna's mouth dropped open, "I wasn't team Kelly. Brenda…I think what Dylan and Kelly did to you over the summer was awful. At first when you guys were fighting over Dylan, I just thought that you were mad that Kelly and Dylan went on a date. You made it a point saying Dylan could date whoever he wanted and that didn't include Kelly, I thought Kelly should have talked to you about it but didn't understand why two beautiful strong women, best friends, would allow a guy to come between you." I took a deep breath, "But then…finding out that they snuck around behind your back while we were in Paris? That was low and completely against girl code. No I wasn't team Kelly. I was team Brenda. I should have told you I know. If Kelly did that to me that summer, I wouldn't have ever forgiven her."

I stared at her shocked, touched. "Wow." I whispered, "I had no idea. I just assumed you were closer to Kelly and had known her longer…"

"Brenda." Donna smiled, "You are one my best friends. How could you think that I wouldn't be on your side?"

I shrugged, "You just seemed okay with them being an item…I don't know."

"I wasn't okay with them, none of us were okay them. They kept to themselves these last few months. They were a drag to be around, honestly…we all just stayed quiet because we didn't want to be in the middle."

I had tears in my eyes and Donna helped another student. I brought my arm around her and hugged her, squeezing her tightly, "Thank you Donna." she looked at me with a smile. "I love you."

She smiled wider and I knew why she had won best smile. "I love you too." a beat past and she looked at me, "So…you and Dylan?" she brought her elbow to the table and rested her chin in her hand. She batted her eyelashes at me and smiled.

I laughed, "We are taking it slow." I answered her.

"Speaking of the devil." Donna relaxed and pretended we were not just talking about him as he strolled up.

"Hi." I said with a smile.

"Hey Bren. You are a sight for sore eyes. I just spent 25 minutes of my life in with Mrs. Teasley that I'll never get back."

"And how did that go?"

"Good actually only thing is you guys can keep my 10 bucks for my Magic Mountain ticket, but I can't go."

I pouted, "Why?"

"I'm retaking the SAT's this Saturday."

"Dylan…that's great!" I smiled up at him proudly.

"Yeah…but it only leaves me with one day to study…and that's unfortunately ditch day."

"Don't forget to put your name on the test this time." Steve comes up, putting both his hands on Dylan's shoulders, Kelly is behind him. "They give you 200 points just for doing that right." he walked away as Dylan stared at him. Kelly smiled at me awkwardly and bought a ticket.

"Well you should know, that's the only way you got any points." Dylan said smart ass as I bit my lip, something was going on with them.

"Well…at least it was honest 200 points." Steve said back.

"What are you talking about Sanders?" Dylan said bothered but still trying to act collected.

"Nothin." Steve said lying. He was insinuating Dylan was a cheat.

"Look…the testing bureau screwed up…that's all." I said sticking up for Dylan. I felt Dylan's hand on my shoulder, an unspoken thank you.

Steve looked at me, he shrugged, "I was just kidding." I looked at Dylan, we both knew he wasn't.

"You know Steve…it wouldn't kill you to take your SAT's again." Kelly crossed her arms sticking up for Dylan too.

"Hmm…how did I vote again in the senior poll? Right." he snapped his fingers, "Best couple Brenda and Dylan…gloomiest couple Kelly and Dylan." She raised her eyebrow at him with a smile and shook her head. Dylan sighed annoyed.

"You ready for the Viper big guy?" David came over at that moment at the perfect time and addressed Steve. You could cut the tension or awkward energy between everyone with a knife.

"Afraid not small guy, Mrs. Teasley won't let me out of detention." Steve said with a sad sigh.

"You're kidding." David said disappointed, "Ditch day is like a inalienable rite of passage."

Steve nodded and shrugged, "You done here Bren?" Dylan asked me taking my hand, his tone annoyed still.

I looked at Donna, I gave her a wide smile, "Am I done here?"

Donna smiled, "Sure…Kel will take your place…right Kel?"

Kelly laughed, she seemed in a good mood. I hadn't seen her that way since maybe last year. "Sure." she agreed.

"Great." I said getting up, tightening my hold on Dylan's hand as he helped me up. She moved in my seat and smiled a genuine smile at us. Weird.

"If I miss detention, she is going to make me do senior year all over again." Steve concluded.

We walked past the group Dylan stopping at Steve. He set his hand on his shoulder, "Yeah…well…don't do the crime if you can't do the time…huge guy." Dylan smirked at him. I rolled my eyes at them. Not sure why the sudden problem with each other even existed.

I looked back at Steve who was visibly pissed, he looked at our intertwined hands and rolled his eyes.

Dylan continued to hold my hand as we walked down the hall way. "What's with you and Steve?" I asked when we were around the corner.

"Who knows, he's been acting like an ass since the poll picture day."

"Huh…that's weird." That didn't sound like Steve to me.

"Yeah…well." Dylan sighed and turned leaning against the locker, "Steve is weird."

I smiled and leaned my body against his. He kissed me softly. "Mmm." I moaned a little. He tasted good.

He smirked visually turned on, "We still on for tomorrow night?" his eyes drank me up as he bit his lip.

"I was going to ask you the same question…not sure when we will get home from Magic Mountain."

"I actually asked Mrs. T, she said buses should be back here by 10. I can pick you up? We wouldn't have time for dinner and a movie but we would have a couple hours before your curfew?" he asked hopeful.

I looked at him knowingly with a smirk, "And where would we go besides your house at 10 o'clock at night?" I knew if I went to Dylan's I'd be done for and even though sleeping with Dylan, invaded my dreams and my showers sessions, that wasn't taking it slow.

Dylan's hand came over his heart offended, "Excuse me…do you think sex is all I think about?"

"Yes." I nod.

He pushes his bottom lip out in a pout and I want to bite it, "No…I was hoping maybe you'd take a ride on my bike with me, cruise up Mulholland? Or cruise down to Santa Monica, you can let me kiss you on the ferris wheel?" I smiled at his cuteness.

"You got that thing running finally? Here I thought it was porch decoration." I say playfully.

"Man…you're hard on me today, as a matter of fact, yes I did. Just got the last part I needed last weekend and it's finally running."

I look down, I'm not a huge fan of motorcycles. "I know my bike isn't your favorite thing." he wraps his arms around my waist, "But let me show you there is nothing to be afraid of. If you hate it, you never have to ride with me again. I'll keep you safe Brenda…always." I look into his eyes and take a deep breath. I know he's telling the truth and frankly my fears are unwarranted because I had been on the back of Dylan's motorcycle before. Ages ago, before we were together when I dyed my hair that awful orange color. It was actually exhilarating. Holding on to him tightly, the wind in my face.

"Alright." I agree.

"Good." he smiled wider and kisses me again. This time the kiss is long and passionate and I lose myself in it. We have to be in a public place because I can't trust myself to not be with Dylan that way again. I miss it, but it isn't time. The bell rings and we break apart not wanting too. The hallway fills with students and I back away from him.

"I'm glad you decided to take the SAT's again." I'm not sure bringing it up is a good idea, this conversation hadn't gone well when we were together.

He sighed, "I know but college was important to my dad and I shouldn't let pride get in the way of my future. I just hope I can do as well as I did the last time." He looks down nervously.

I press my body against his again, "You will. I know you will." he smiles a sexy smirk at me and I melt.

"I wish I would have listened to you at the start of this year Bren." he sighs and I feel bad.

"Come on. We're gonna be late to Chem." He pushes himself off the locker and we walk together to class. I turn the corner and bump into Chad hard. His arms are around my waist catching me from falling on my ass.

I laugh, "I'm sorry…god its like hitting a wall." I touch his chest in amazement. I've never felt anything like it. He smiles at me and raises his eyebrows. I look at Dylan but my smile fades when I see he isn't amused and I said that comment out loud. Dylan's eyes are staring at Chad's thick muscular arms touching me. I back away slowly. And apologize again, "I'm so sorry." Dylan protectively sets his arm limply around my shoulders. Almost staking his claim, I roll my eyes playfully.

"That's ok Bren…lets try that again sometime…only slower." he winks at me and carries on down the hall

"See you on the bus beautiful." he calls out as he proceeds to his next class. I giggle and look at Dylan. He is staring at me, straight faced, no sign of humor what so ever behind his eyes.

"What?" I say innocently.

"What bus?" he stands in front of me.

"The bus to Magic Mountain, he asked…if I'd sit with him" I say lamely with a shrug. My voice trying to pretend it's no big deal, because it really isn't.

His eyes squints at me. He shakes his head, "Nope…uh uh…no."

I link my arm with his and pull him in the direction of class. "Let's try that again sometime…only slower." Dylan is making a lame attempt at copying Chad's voice and I chuckle at his jealousy. "The nerve of that guy."

"Dylan." I shake my head as we enter chem. We both take our seats and he is staring at me. "What?" I laugh. What is with him?

"Are you going to sit with him?"

"I don't know…what does it matter?"

"Brenda." I suddenly don't like my name at this moment. "Excuse my language but the guy…wants to fuck you."

My eyes widen and I smile, "And…how is that different from you?"

"Are you serious?" he raises his voice a little and I look around the class, it's only half full and no one is paying much attention to us.

"Please tell me you're joking?" he speaks again quietly.

"I am only joking Dylan…you're being ridiculous. For one, It's just a seat on a bus…two…what do you think is going to happen on a full school bus off to Magic Mountain…and three." I pause my expression serious. "Don't you trust me?" You know Kelly and Dylan aside, I strayed too.

He looks at me and his expression softens. "I do…it's just…we're trying this out and I don't know if you want to date other people while you figure this out or just be with me? I don't want to lose you again Bren and I really fucking hate that guy. I'm sorry but he wants in your pants and I don't want you to let him." He looks down shyly at his admission. I smile and lean in kissing his neck softly. My lips move up to his ear. I suck on his lobe gently and I hear him exhale.

"I don't want to date other people." I whisper in his ear.

"I don't trust him." He is still looking down so I grab his chin gently and turn his face to look at me.

"I love you." I say to him first. He has told me over and over since our semi reconciliation and I hardly say it back. But I do love Dylan, if I didn't love him I wouldn't even talk to him after what he did to me.

His face lights up and he leans in and kisses me, "I love you too." he says in between kisses. We break apart once Mr. Goff comes in and we face the front. I grab his hand under the table and intertwine my fingers with his. The least I can do is try to make Dylan know that I do seriously want to try again and if that means stroking his ego a little, I will do that. I know if the roles were reversed and I was staying home while he was riding on a bus with Kelly, I would feel the same. But then it occurs to me Chad and I don't have a past like that, so there is no comparison. At that moment as I hold Dylan's had in mine, I realize he may say he trusts me, but I can't trust him entirely yet. I hope I can someday.

I show up to school the following morning to meet the buses. As imagined Chad is there, a wide smile on his face. I approach him.

"So…here we are." he says as his eyes burn into mine.

"Here we are." he makes me feel a little lighter. I can't explain it. I feel like nothing can compare to the feelings Dylan's brings out of me. With him, the love is so intense, I feel it through my whole body. With Chad it feels light and fun, also as I look into his eyes, there is no guilt or sadness there. He hasn't let me down yet. Which is calming.

"Are you going to sit by Dylan?" he asks serious now.

I shake my head, "No…Dylan isn't coming."

His eyes get big for a moment, "Really?" he tone is sexy as he moves closer to me. I laugh and shake my head. "So…does that mean I get the honor of riding up next to you?" his eyes hopeful.

I chuckle and nod, "Sure…why not?" I kind of want to get to know him. Not in a romantic way but I was serious when I said I wanted to branch out. Make some new friends during the last couple months of school.

His smile widens and it makes my heart skip a beat. There is just something about him. I can't explain it.

I make eye contact with Donna as she sits next to David. She winks and smirks at me looking between Chad and myself, I don't react. Then I pass by Kelly in the aisle, she is sitting next to Andrea. She looks at me, then at Chad then back at me. She looks confused and I feel judged, I ignore her. The truth is, its just sitting by someone on the bus. I'll tell Dylan, I know he'll hate it but he has nothing to worry about. We are casual, taking it slow, I have nothing to hide. Plus Kelly lost any right to judge me or give me advice, or throw her holier than thou opinion at me. She fucked around with my boyfriend of 2 years, she had no fucking room to talk about loyalty.

We start the quick ride to Magic Mountain and Chad makes small talk. He's easy to be around. he's actually quite funny. I laugh at his jokes that are actually funny and smile at him.

"Have you applied to College?" he asks me getting more serious than the discussion has been.

I shrugged, I haven't told anyone this stuff, not my friends, not my brother and not Dylan, "I applied to CU…U of M…and NYU…you?"

He smiled at me brightly, "Been recruited by a few, Stanford, CU, Texas A&M, Virginia Tech and University of Wisconsin." Hot damn!

I chuckled, "Just a few?" I laughed and he joined me. "Which one is number one?" I asked very impressed. Chad isn't just a football meat head…he has goals.

"Honestly it's between Stanford and Texas, but my father is an alumni of CU so he is pushing that."

"But CU isn't known for their football?" I give him eye contact interested, why a father would have his son pass up an Ivy league or even a hot football college is beyond me.

"No." he shakes his head, "But they are known for science and with both my parents being physicians, you can understand the push there."

I am thoroughly impressed by him. I am in no way saying anything negative about Dylan, but if I wasn't in love with Dylan, Chad would have been my type. Where Dylan was a rebel without a cause, mysterious, studious and quiet. Chad was like a heroine/popular cute guy from a lifetime movie. He was gorgeous, tall, built, popular, athletic and captain of the football team. He was smart, rich and sweet. How different would my life had been if I had noticed his attention? The thought makes me think. Maybe I wouldn't have been in this slump if I had given him a chance and hadn't fell for Dylan? If I had dated Chad…not Dylan…maybe I would have tried out for cheerleading? Maybe I would have other friends? Maybe Chad, who hadn't shown any interest in Kelly Taylor since I've known her wouldn't have cheated on me with her? I wouldn't have went to Paris. I wouldn't have went to Baja, Chad didn't look like the type and the whole Jim Walsh war wouldn't have even happened? I knew there was no way of really knowing all of this but the thought intrigued me. I look at Chad, he is quiet and playing with his hands nervously.

"So when you aren't kicking ass on the football field…you want to be a doctor?" I smile at him and he smiles back.

He shrugs, "Maybe…I guess it's in my blood. My mom is a surgeon, general surgery. My dad is an orthopedic surgeon. They met in medical school. Been married for 25 years. I'm practically the only person out of my friends thats parents are still together." he laughs and shakes his head.

"I know the feeling." I say with a chuckle.

"Yours too?" he says keeping that cute smirk of his.

I nod, "Yep…they just celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary. My parents met in college. Been inseparable ever since. It's hard to imagine…having that long of a commitment. I mean…19…25 years…can you even imagine?"

He stares at me, his eyes are serious and intense, something I hadn't seen from him at all, he nods, "I can…if you meet the right person." he says quietly.

"I guess your right." I agree and look into my lap. His next words hit me like an ice bath.

"What happened with Dylan Bren?" he is staring at me. His eyes sympathetic and kind. "I mean you don't have to tell me, its just…"

"No..it's ok." I shrug, "Um…Dylan and I went out for a long time. it got pretty intense there at the end and I went away for the summer and…" I stopped and took a deep breath. He sat listening intently. "He cheated on me."

He sighed and shook his head, "You know…I was never the biggest fan of Dylan but what an idiot." I laugh. He chuckles, "No…I mean a huge idiot. This happened in the summer? But you guys were together the beginning of this year?" he asks confused.

I eye him and shake my head, "Um…he didn't tell me right away." I say honestly.

He huffs out, "What a tool." we sit quietly for a moment until he finally speaks again, "Please don't tell me he cheated on you with your best friend? I know you and Kelly aren't close anymore but you used to be. I remembered you were always together."

I looked down and swallow hard, my silence was his answer and he grabbed my hand. "Wow…Brenda…that sucks…I'm sorry that happened to you" I only shrugged. "I never really understood the appeal with Kelly…I mean some of the guys talked about her, Steve was obsessed with her, Kyle had feelings for her too but never really talked about it much after their date. I don't know, I don't really see the appeal." he says as he looks at me and I suddenly have the urge to kiss Chad Mancini. No…I'm not going to…but geez he is saying all the right things. A guy not obsessed with Kelly taylor. Sign me up!

I sigh loudly, "Kelly is beautiful…it just…its hard to forgive something like that, I guess it comes down to the simple fact that Kelly could have whoever she wanted, why Dylan? Why my boyfriend? That's just what I didn't get."

Chad looked at me, he smiled and huffed out a laugh, "Um for one Kelly Taylor can NOT get whoever she wants." he is speaking quietly and leans in, "and two she is jealous of you. It's obvious."

I look at him surprised, and shake my head, "No…that…is impossible."

He turns his body towards me and looks at me like I'm crazy, "You have no idea how incredible you are do you? Kelly is pretty, don't get me wrong…some may even say she is beautiful." He rolls his eyes and I know he is talking about the poll. "Kelly is ordinary Bren…she is nice and everything but she doesn't have spark. She doesn't walk down the halls and light it up. You do…I've noticed that about you on the first day I laid eyes on you. You weren't overly confident and kind of almost shy. Where she walks down the halls thinking she owns the place she was always shadowed by you walking beside her. And the more comfortable you got here the shadow only grew. Maybe I'm bias, but I know I'm not the only one that sees that." he shakes his head shyly and I smile widely. I lean in and kiss his cheek softly.

"Thanks. It's nice to hear." I smile at him and lean my head on his shoulder.

"So…you and Dylan now? You're getting back together?" I raise my head to look at him, his voice is sad but he is trying to hide it. He smiles shyly, "I heard they broke up." he says quietly and discreetly points his head in the direction in front of us. I look that direction and Kelly who is seated on the opposite side of the bus but ahead is turned in her seat staring at us. I look back at Chad and shrug.

"We're…taking it slow but yes kind of." I say simply and he nods.

The bus slows and I notice we are in a line of traffic now to enter the amusement park. The bus woos now that we are close and I smile at the energy that surrounds me as my classmates clap and cheer loudly.

Chad grabs my hand, "Well…Dylan or not…at least I get you today." he smiles, his right dimple is more prominent then his left. I smile back and take a deep breath. "And…maybe if you get into the University of Minnesota, I should add Wisconsin on my list." He winks and I shake my head. The guy is charming I'll give him that. Hmmm…those colleges are only a 42 minute drive from each other. That's interesting. I haven't decided where to go to college. I've only been accepted to CU. I haven't heard back from U of M or NYU. I applied in my sadness, to get the hell out of LA. Dylan doesn't talk about college except about his father would want him to go. I have no idea of Dylan's college goals, in the past he'd never had any. My attention is brought back to the bus, I notice the rows in front of me standing up, I look down at mine and Chads hand embraced and I let go. He doesn't react because its our turn to get up. He gets into the middle of the row first and lifts his hand for me to go first. I smile politely and oblige. As we scoot down the aisle slowly I feel his hand on the small of my back. It worries me that instead of discomfort, it feels nice.

I hang out with Chad the whole first half of the day. He makes me laugh and he's introduces me officially to his friends. All are welcoming and sweet. I chatted a lot with Stacy, the girl who was in the bathroom that day and the one that gave it back to Kelly in the quad. I like her a lot and she is very sweet. By the time the afternoon is upon us we all decide to get lunch. Thats when I see my old friends. They are all sitting at a near by table eating and talking.

"Hey Bren." Donna waves at me. A look at Chad who is carrying our tray of food. He smiles nicely at me.

"I'll be right back." I tell him and he nods and I watch him join his group, leaving a spot open next to him for me. I walk over to Donna, David, Kelly and Andrea and smile. "Hey guys."

"Where have you been all day? We were looking everywhere for you." Donna says first. Then David nods in agreement. Andrea smiles at me sweetly and Kelly is just staring with a smart ass grin.

"Oh…I was just hanging out with…"

"Chad." Kelly smiles and raises her eyebrows. I don't smile at her. "He is such a cutie." I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

"Are you having fun?" Donna asks interested. There is a slight we have to talk expression to her face and I just smile at her.

I look back at the table with Chad, he is eating a french fry and smiles at me. I look back at my old friends, "Yeah…actually I am…Chad and his friends are very welcoming. It's nice to get to know new people."

"I bet Chad is very welcoming." Kelly says under her breath and I sigh, god she is an asshole.

"Anyway…I better get back." I say uncomfortable.

"Wait Bren…we're going to head on more rides after this…why don't you join us?" Donna eyes flicker to Chad's table and then back to me.

I look at Kelly and no that's the last thing I want. I've had a better time with the new people than I have had in weeks. I shake my head, "I'll see you guys around." and just like that I leave and join Chad. The stares of my old friends don't go unnoticed but as Shelly tells a hilarious story, that practically has me in tears from laughing so hard. I don't seem to care what so ever.

 _ **DPOV**_

I finally make it home from the Peach Pit. It was a bad idea to study there. They had a Burt Reynolds fan club lunch there and there was drama. Anyway I'm glad to be home. If it wasn't Steve's half ass rude remarks, it was helping Brandon feed over 100 people. In conclusion I had only a couple hours now to study a little before having to pick up Bren. I hit the books for an hour and then planned my little date night with Brenda. I packed snacks and a blanket before attaching it to the back of my bike. I thought I would take her on a cruise up Mulholland and at the peak there is a private lookout point where we can talk…whatever. I'm actually excited about this date. I know it's not a big deal but it will be the first time that me and Bren are really alone. I mean alone alone. I have some news for her too. Something I decided tonight while studying for the SAT's…I'm going to apply to college. CU and Berkeley and maybe this is moving a little fast but I want her to apply to Berkeley with me. I don't care if she lives on campus or we find someplace together but I want to go to college with Brenda. I just hope her opinion regarding it is the same it was at the beginning of school.

At about a quarter to 10 I pull up to the school parking lot and wait. It isn't long before I eye the bus entering the lot as they pull up in front of school. The parking lot at West Beverly is dark but the bus is lit up from the lights of the school. I see people congregating saying their goodbyes and dwindling little by little off the bus. I see Donna, David and Kelly talking off to the side but I don't see Bren. I take a few steps forward looking around for her. Where the hell is she? I walk up to the gang.

"Where's Bren?" Donna looks down hiding something as Kelly smirks at me. Then I see her.

She is talking to Chad at the back of the bus. She is smiling and he reaches up and moves her hair off her shoulder. Jealousy courses through me and my hands fist at my side. The gang quietly says goodbye to me but I only see green. I stare at them as they hug tightly and I find my feet moving towards them quickly. My hand without my permission is moving outward and I shove him away from Brenda hard.

"Dylan." she says surprised but I stare at Chad intently.

"McKay." he greets me and has a smirk on his face. It's taking everything I have not to punch him.

"Mancini." I say ice in my voice.

"Dylan?" I hear Brenda and my eyes flicker to her. She looks nervous and maybe angry? "Come on." she grabs my hand and pulls me away from Chad. "See you later Chad." she says nicely.

"I hope so Bren." he replies.

I let go of her hand and charge him. I grab both sides of his letterman jacket and slam him into the back of the bus. I hear Brenda saying my name but I ignore her. My face is close to his and all he does is smile at me. I'm not stupid he is strong, he is built and is an athlete. He could fight me if he wanted, but he doesn't.

"Stay away from her." I seethe.

"Let go." he fumes back. "I don't want to fight you McKay." he says calm but he is angry I see it in his face. We have a stare down. My breath coming out of my nose trying to reign in my anger. I feel Brenda's hand on my shoulder.

"Come on Dylan…let's go." she says calmly. I look at her face and she has tears in her eyes. I shove Chad again against the back of the bus and let him go. I grab Brenda's hand and walk towards my bike. Anger radiating off me.

"See you Brenda…I had fun today." I hear Chad yell from behind us but I pull Brenda rougher towards my bike again.

I let go of her hand and I stare at her. "What is going on with you? Was that necessary?" she says angry, tears in her eyes still.

I shake my head and huff, "You rode up on the bus with him, you hung out with him?" I ask curiously but I already know the answer.

She shrugs, "Yeah…I hung out with all his friends. It was a good day." she says simply. I hand her the passenger helmet and don't say anything. I put mine on and straddle my bike. I watch her from my peripheral put the helmet on her head and clip the chin strap on. "Are we going to talk about this Dylan?" she says quietly. I kick start my motorcycle and it comes to life loudly. I don't say anything to her as she sits behind me. Her arms come around my waist and I relax a little. I feel her head on my back as she hugs me tightly and I close my eyes. I take two calming breaths and my hand comes over hers, she squeezes her arms around me tightly hugging me. My hand goes to the handle and rev the engine. We take off out of the parking lot in silence, the only noise is the engine of my bike as we start our date.

We cruise around the winding roads of Mulholland. I'm calm now the ride doing it's job. Brenda's arms are holding me tightly and I savor the closeness. I know I overreacted back at school but Chad makes my blood boil but I don't want to ruin the night with my jealously. Even though I know Brenda well enough to know she'll bring it up. We finally come to the lookout and I park the bike. I get off of it grabbing the picnic basket and blanket from behind Brenda. I see her take off her helmet and swing her leg over getting off too. It's silent as we look at each other.

"Can you please talk to me." she begs and I take a deep breath.

"Come on." I say and she follows me to the area I had in mind. I spread the blanket out and set the basket on it and I sit down and look out over LA. She sits next to me and I hear her take a deep breath.

"It's beautiful up here." she says quietly.

"Yeah." I breath.

"Dylan?" she pleads.

"What is going on between you and Chad?" I just say it.

"Nothing." she exhales, "We hung out…he introduced me to his group of friends, we rode the rides…that was all."

"Looks like it was more than that." I look out into the night.

"Dylan…come on." she breathes. "You're not being fair."

"I don't want to lose you Bren. I trust you…I do…I don't trust him. He's had his eyes on you for literally years. I know he wants to have sex with you." I look at her as I turn my body towards her. She rolled her eyes.

"He is a dude Dylan…he probably would have sex with anything given the chance."

I shake my head, "No…he has his sights on you, he's always had his sights on you. Everyone knows this…how come you don't know this?" I ask. I mean Chad's near obsession with Brenda goes back to Sophomore year, she has to know.

She shakes her head with a chuckle, "I never paid attention to him before."

"But now…you are." I can't help the venom in my voice. I have never felt jealousy like this before. I know why, it's because I know Brenda loves me but things between us aren't secure. After what I did to her I deserve to suffer and I can't take it. I sigh loudly.

"Dylan…come on. You know how I feel about you. Chad is just a friend. I know you think all he wants is into my pants but he is very respectful. He was a perfect gentleman all day."

I huff out a laugh, shaking my head. "You know nothing about guys Brenda. It's all a game. It's all part of the plan to get you closer."

I lean onto my hands as Brenda straddles me. Her arms come tightly around my neck. I look at her, her eyes looking into mine. She brings her lips to mine and kisses me softly. I close my eyes feeling her warm lips against mine. My tongue darts out tasting her own. She moans getting into the kiss and my hand comes to the back of her head. I kiss her hard and groan. I lift her effortlessly so she is laying on the blanket as I hover over her. I grind my hard on into her jean covered center and she breaths heavily at the friction. I kiss her passionately, then move my lips to her neck. I suck at it and I don't mean to mark her. Maybe I kind of do. I settle next to her and pull her so we face each other.

"I love you." I breathe against her warm lips. Her body is flush with mine.

She smiles, "I love you too." she says back, my heart warms as I kiss her again.

"I just want a chance to show you how much." I whisper. "You're it for me Bren…I don't want to spend another minute without you." I say honestly.

"I'm here." she whispers back.

"I'm sorry I lost my cool back there." I say sincerely. "The thought of you getting close to someone else, drives me crazy."

Her hand comes to my cheek, "I know the feeling." her face sad and I want to smack myself for the Kelly shit all over again.

"That's the thing…I deserve it. You trusted me and I failed you. I guess that's why it bothers me so much because you have every right…"

"Dylan?" she stops me and kisses me. "I said I want to try again. He is a nice guy but he isn't you. I'm in love with you." she emphasizes.

I look into her eyes and see honesty there. I kiss her again. With wild abandonment. My hand goes to her thigh as I hitch it around my hip. I ground into her roughly and I'm greeted with the most sexy sound from her mouth. My hands start groping, her hip, her ass, her stomach. Slowly it moves up her shirt and I grasp her breast in my hand as my lips move across her neck. God I missed her so much. I'm thinking about what I want to do to her and she raises her t-shirt over her head taking it off. My mouth finds her chest as I kiss down it eagerly. My lips surround her bra covered mound and I suck through the satin. She grips my hair tightly and I pay attention to the other one. I want her so bad but I'm aware even though we are all alone in this deserted spot. I highly doubt Brenda will let me have my way with her like this, plus I have no protection. Her little hand reaches down and grabs me through my jeans. I instantly ground into it and groan out.

"God that feels good." I whisper into her mouth. She smirks and grabs again. I feel her fingers toy with the button of my jeans and I reach for hers. It comes apart in my fingers quickly and my hand is shoving down the front of her pants just as fast. I feel her wet through the lace of her panties and she moans softly. Her hand grips my shaft under my boxers and I groan again. She is moving it up and down slowly and my eyes close at the feel of her. She knows exactly the way I like it, like no time has past at all.

"I want you Dylan." she breathes and I stop kissing her neck to look at her.

My fingers move the center of her panties to the side and I'm met with warm wet anticipation. My fingers circle her clit as she arches towards me. My mouth on her breast again. I continue my assault. her legs open a little allowing me better access. I kiss her hard and I'm so worked up. By the feeling between her legs she is as much. I plunge a finger into her, I feel the spongy spot with ease as I enter another finger. She is unbearably tight and I remember doing this so many times before she let me have sex with her. I assume she hasn't let anyone in this way since me and I'm giddy with the thought.

"God." she breathes, I watch her eyes close as she moans out. Her face is perfection in ecstasy and I work her spot more roughly.

My lips come to her ear, "God I wish we were at my house. There is nothing more that I want right now than to make love to you." I look at her face. Her eyes are open now. My fingers pumping into her softly.

"Why not here?" she whispers and her eyes close as I touch the spot gently again. "Uhhh." her moan in breathy and sexy and I smile.

"I don't have a condom…let go baby." My pace speeds up a little and her moans are more intense. She reaches for my hard on and strokes in sync with my movements. I close my eyes, my fingers curling into her and then after a few minutes, we both explode. I cum on my stomach in spurts as I groan loudly her hips are moving with my hand as she rides out her own orgasm. Delicious sounds fill the small private space we are in and I kiss her roughly. My body shakes as she slows her hand on my shaft and I slow with her too. My forehead presses against hers as we catch our breathes.

I open my eyes and see tears in her eyes. My eyebrows furrow together as I reach for a napkin in the basket and clean myself off. I sit up bringing her with me. "What's wrong?" Shit I think…maybe this was too fast. She was into it…I know she was into it? Does she regret it.

She shakes her head quickly, "No…I just…I've wanted you for so long. It doesn't seem real." she whispers tears run down her face.

I smile at her my hand coming to her face gently, wiping them softly, "I've dreamed of you." I admit. Then my lips are on hers again. "I love you Brenda."

She nods her head and kisses me deeply. Bringing myself semi on her again. We kiss and cuddle until its time for me to make my way to her house so she isn't late for curfew. I hold her hand tightly as I walk her to the front door.

"I'm really sorry about how I behaved earlier." I take a deep breath.

She smiles at me, "I understand…but no macho guy stuff huh?"

I nod, "No macho guy stuff." my arms encircle her waist and she sets her hands on my arms. "What are you doing tomorrow night? Let me make you dinner." I ask hopeful.

She giggles, "You? You're going to cook?" I roll my eyes playfully.

"You'll help me right?" I smirk.

She nods, "Alright." she laughs a little and kisses me softly.

I notice she has a hickey on her neck, my fingers graze it slowly, "Oops…you might want to cover this." I shrug a little embarrassed.

She chuckles, "Is it bad?" she moves her neck so the porch light shows it better.

I shake my head, "No…not too bad."

Her thumb gently caresses my lips. "I'll see you tomorrow night…6ish?"

I smile and nod, "Can't wait. Did you read the manuscript?"

She smiles and nods, "Some…I'll finish it so I can bring it over tomorrow night. So far it's amazing Dylan, you write so eloquently about your father, it's really amazing." she says sincerely.

"Thanks." I say shly. "I had a really good time tonight."

She nods, bringing her arms around my neck. She stands on her tip toes so she is face to face with me. "Me too." she whispers and kisses me softly. "Like old times."

I kiss her back hungrily and groan, "Ah…you are too sexy for your own good. Good night…I'll call you tomorrow after my SAT's." If I don't separate us now, I'll pick her up over my shoulder and bring her back to my place.

She smiles, and pecks my lips, "Good night and good luck tomorrow, you'll do great!" she moves towards her front door and I swat her butt lightly. She giggles and looks at me one last time before entering her house. I exhale happily. She is everything to me. I'm so happy she is giving me this chance. I won't do anything to screw this up. I can't lose her again.

Hit that button below and tell me what you're thinking. There is going to be a little competition for Brenda's attention but she'll stay true to Dylan. I like her branching out a little. Meeting new friends though. Up next college talks...and prom invitations. wink wink.


	11. Chapter 11

_Thank you for being patient with me. I had my second knee surgery two weeks ago, my first one only being in September so it's been a little rough. I'm feeling great and off work until December WOOT! So I plan to concentrate on my stories. I know a lot of you want Last Night in London and I plan on updating that one next. Long Time Coming…My best friends sister and London in the mix as well. Just continue to be a little patient and I promise not to disappoint. So to continue with my little season 3 rewrite, here is chapter 11. Enjoy!_

 _ **Chapter 11**_

 _ **College Hopes And Set Backs**_

 _ **BPOV**_

I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about Dylan, Chad, the macho guy stuff and the Mulholland make out session. I knew that if I was alone with Dylan, I'd allow myself to let go with him. The truth is I want him. I've always wanted him and it feels good to be with him. I would have had sex with him up there, if he had protection. I take a deep breath because I'm not sure how to handle this. I love Dylan. I know that. I also know that sex doesn't make a relationship. You can't hang on to a guy with sex. Look at Dylan and I, look at Kelly and Dylan, which I really don't want to think about but…you just can't. There is so much more that goes into relationship. There is mutual respect and commitment. I do respect Dylan. It took a long time to get to know the real him. To see what he hid behind his walls of protection. He opened up to me, we understood each other and I respected the things that made Dylan Dylan. I respected his need to be alone at times, I respected the fact he would never be the guy that would take me to football games and enjoy them, that would enjoy dances and school events. I respected he wouldn't make a production out of prom or even wanting to take me. I respected he was the way he was and that was okay. Did Dylan respect me? When things got tough he bailed. He pushed me on that plane, not because my parents wanted me to, because he knew we needed the break too. He needed the break from the heavy. Then as he was taking a break from our serious relationship, he got into another one. I don't honestly think Dylan and Kelly meant to fall for each other. They had never showed interest in one another before. At least Dylan had never. Kelly always thought he was cute but that didn't mean she was going to fall in love with him. They let it happen, two of the closest people in my life besides my immediate family, went behind my back and to me…that's not respectful at all.

Then there is commitment. Dylan and I had always had a wandering eye. Things would become to set and safe with us. Attention from someone else came at us sometimes but the ending was always the same. Nobody was better than who we were together. At least that's what I thought. Until Kelly that is. I still didn't know why he chose her. Was he over it with me? I know Dylan loves me, there isn't a question in my mind but is it enough? Ugh I can't get out of this depression. I practically have Dylan back, at my disposal and I still have this worthless insecurity about myself, lost and unsure. The darkness hasn't gone away either. It's better but it isn't gone. My parents think I'm in a funk. Is that what this is? A funk? Who fucking knows anymore. All I know is you would think having Dylan showing remorse and being sorry. Expressing his love for me, breaking it off with Kelly would make me happy. It's definitely helped but no…I'm not better. It still happened and there is a part of me that holds on to it and takes it very personally. I thought I was special but was I really? I seemed pretty easy to dispose of.

Dylan is taking his SAT's this morning. Another thing I couldn't stop thinking about. It was such a touchy subject back when we were together. Where did he want to go to college? What if he didn't do as well? What if he goes into that spiral he went into that caused all that friction and hostility with the SAT people and college? I couldn't deal with it again. I prayed he did well and I guess…the college talk is something that we should talk about. But it won't be me who brings it up. No way…not after last time. A gentle knock brings me out of my deep thoughts. My father opens the door slowly. He smiles a sad smile at me.

"You have mail." He holds up two manilla envelopes and his eyebrows raise. "You want to tell me why you're receiving two thick envelopes from the University of Minnesota and New York University?" He looked at me seriously.

I look down and take a deep breath, "I applied." I say simply.

"I see that Brenda but…why didn't you tell us?" My dad comes into my room now and sits on the foot of the bed.

I shrug, "I would have…I just…was thinking maybe I'd want to go to school somewhere else. I haven't made any decisions dad and honestly, I'm not sure anymore what I want to do." I'm honest with him.

He nods accepting, "Well." he gets up and gently tosses the envelopes on my bed. "It looks like you have some decisions to make." He gives me a smile and heads out of my room. I look down at the college acceptance envelopes, knowing the big and thicker ones usually means you got in. My dad was right for a change…I did have some decisions to make and a certain guy to have a discussion with. I could only hope, when I head over to Dylan's in a few hours, after taking the SAT's he'd bring it up…cause I was NOT going to. Not after the last time. I was not going to make a decision on college based on a guy BUT Dylan's opinion to me did matter, even if I didn't know exactly where this relationship was heading. The only thing I was sure of was I didn't want to live without Dylan in my life. Losing him was the hardest thing to date I had to go through and that just wasn't an option.

Dylan had called me as soon as he had gotten home from his SAT's. I asked him if he felt like he had done well and he thought he did. He seemed to be in a good mood which was a plus. He told me he was going by the market for dinner stuff and he'd see me at his house by 6. I had taken a shower and tried to put myself together but with all this college crap on my brain, my relationship with Dylan…I didn't have the energy. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was wearing half boots, a black body suit and jeans. I looked unhealthy, skinny and pale. My eyes didn't have a sparkle to them, my cheek bones too prominent and I had dark circles under my eyes. I wasn't sleeping well. I reached into my closet grabbing my leather jacket and gave myself a once over. I had become frighteningly aware that I just didn't look pretty at the moment and sadly I just didn't care. I was hopeless.

I knocked on Dylan's door a little before six and was greeted by a smiling Dylan. He looked edible unlike myself in his jeans, white tee and bare feet. He embraced me tightly before I even made my way inside. He held me firmly around the waist and looked down at me. His eyebrows furrowed and I looked down self-conscience, did he notice I looked like shit?

"You okay babe?" He asked concerned. I looked up at him and gave him a small smile and a nod. He leaned in and kissed me softly. He lingered close to me, pecking my lips a few times before letting me go. I walked in in silence and as I turned to face Dylan, who had just closed his front door he was staring at me. "You look tired." his head tilted to the side sympathetically. I know Dylan meant well but when someone tells you look tired, they are saying you don't look like yourself, meaning you look like ass. I took a deep breath and sat on the futon.

I shrugged a little, "I didn't get much sleep last night."

He moved fluidly and sat next to me. His hand came out and pushed my hair off my shoulder to my back, then his hand gently rubbed down my back a few times settling on my hip. "You sure you are ok?" he asked quietly. Concern written all over his face. I faked a smile and leaned in kissing him deeper. He pulled back and smirked. "Bren…what's going on?"

I shook my head quickly and smiled, "Nothing…I swear. Tell me how the SAT's went." maybe by bringing them up in person it may spark some college talk.

He gave me a look knowing I was changing the subject but let me, "It went well. I guess I'll find out. I'm sure Steve will be happy to hear I remembered to put my name on it this time." he joked and rolled his eyes.

"Did you ever figure out what was going on with Steve?" I asked interested.

Dylan breathed out, "Yeah kind of. I think we were just getting on each other's nerves a little. Yesterday when I was trying to study at the pit, Steve and I had it out in the parking lot." my eyes widened. "Steve got on me for what I had done to you over the summer, he pretty much blamed me for the entire thing and not Kelly but we both know, she is Steve's soft spot. He bought up seeing us kiss at the senior poll picture day and he couldn't believe you had taken me back." Dylan shrugged, "He's a good friend to you Bren. I have been kicking myself for everything I have done, all the mistakes I made when it came to you. Steve wasn't telling me anything new. We worked it out though and by the time I left the pit to get ready to come pick you up, we were on okay terms again."

I sat shocked, "Steve…stood up for me?"

Dylan looked at me with a smirk, "Why wouldn't he?"

I shrugged, "I don't know…just didn't think he cared. I mean he's always been more Brandon's friend then my own. Just surprised that's all."

"Bren…what Kelly and I did to you was a big deal. I'm learning that most of our friends had an opinion about it, they just didn't express it. I'm really sorry I let you down."

I sighed not wanting to go into it. "It's over Dylan…it can't be erased, I would really rather just move past it."

He smiled at me and gave me a nod. His hand tightened around my hip and he leaned in and kissed me. This kiss was heated and intense. His tongue gliding effortlessly with mine. I got lost in him, soon Dylan was over me and I realized quickly where this was heading. I broke free and smiled.

"I thought you were making me dinner. It seems you're moving towards dessert already." I joked.

Dylan sat up taking my hand and helping me do the same. He chuckled, "Does that mean there will be dessert?" he raised his eyebrows hopeful. Dylan and I had the slow and steady talk, but it did not consist of a sex talk. And after last night I was aware that conversation would probably take place tonight since we were alone again. He didn't allow me time to answer and truthfully I was happy because I honestly didn't know the answer. Having sex with Dylan would have been the opposite of slow and steady. But I was also painfully aware that we'd had that kind of relationship before we broke up. It would be hard to wait now and Dylan wasn't the type to not have sex with his girlfriend. But there was also that sickening feeling in my gut that knew, Dylan and Kelly had slept together and that just made going there with him again so much more difficult.

 _ **DPOV**_

Something was going on with Brenda. I saw it the moment I opened the door. Brenda was always beautiful to me but the spark in her eyes was gone. She was getting notably thinner. Her favorite Levis hung on her hips practically and you could see her collar bone prominent and defined. She hid her body under a black leather jacket but when we were cooking together in the kitchen, she finally had taken it off. I looked her up and down. Her waist was tiny and because I couldn't really keep my hands off her. I felt her bones more exposed, the black body suit hid it well but I could even see her ribs more. We made dinner side by side making small talk but once the garlic bread was in the oven and the pasta was boiling away I truly looked at her.

"You still aren't eating much are you?" I asked her already knowing the answer.

Brenda shrugged and leaned against the counter. "I eat."

I moved towards her quickly and trapped her against the counter, my hands on either side of her, my face close to hers. "You act like I don't know you. Like I don't know when something is bothering you. Like I don't know every look and facial expression you make." my eyes traveled down her body hungrily, "Like I don't know your body as well as my own. Bren." I breathed, "I have had my mouth and hands on every inch of you. You are thin…getting too thin and I want to know what's going on?" I knew my voice was stern and I didn't want to be stern with her. I wanted to enjoy our date dinner night and the fact that this was Brenda's first time at my house since we broke up. But after what happened with Kelly and the diet pills, which I hadn't even noticed barely, I did notice with Brenda and if she was showing signs of an eating disorder or whatever I was not going to ignore it. "Talk to me baby. I love you…you can tell me anything."

Tears filled her eyes as she looked into mine. "I'm sorry Dylan. I just have a lot on my mind. I don't mean not to eat. I just…haven't felt myself. I'm in a funk I guess."

"A funk?" I leaned out from her and crossed my arms, "You think you are just in a funk?" I eyed her.

She chuckled, "Well that's what my parents seem to think." she joked.

"Bren…your parents mean well but honey this is more than a funk. You're depressed. Don't get me wrong Brenda…you're beautiful, you're always beautiful to me but you aren't yourself and I've noticed for awhile. You don't put yourself together like you used too."

Her face wounded. I encircled my arms around her waist. "Hey…you are one of the most gorgeous girls I know. Okay? You are perfect to me but I also know you. I'm here for you Bren. Always." I emphasized.

"I know." she whispered, "I'm sorry." she broke down and practically collapsed in my arms. I held her and let her cry. I stroked her head, kissed her and whispered it was okay. My girl was in pain and it made me in pain just looking at her. She pulled away after a while and looked into my eyes. "It's a lot of things really."

"Just tell me one of them. Maybe I can help." I offered.

"I can't I don't want you to be angry at me." She cried. What was she talking about?

"I won't get angry…just tell me." I begged.

"College. I've been thinking about us and college but the last time I brought it up, it just didn't go over well and when you were fixing your bike and you said not to plan my life around you and…and" my hands went to her face to calm her. She was on the verge of hysteria.

"Hey…hey…this is not beginning of senior year. I'm different, in a very different place Bren." I stroked her cheek, "I don't want you to ever be afraid to tell me stuff. You hear me…never. I was an asshole then and I had a lot of guilt for the summer. I've been thinking a lot about college too."

"You have?" she asked surprised. I smiled at her seeing her calm a little.

I nodded, "Yes…I have." I reached over taking the bread out of the oven and the boiling done pasta off the stove. I reached for her hand and brought her into my bedroom. She stood near the foot of the bed as I walked over to my desk. I grabbed two applications and handed them to her. "I'm not sure where you applied. I'm going to apply to CU and UC Berkley. I was hoping you'd apply there too." She took a deep breath and looked down at the application I had gotten her too. She looked in my eyes and I wasn't sure by her expression. "Is this ok?"

A tear fell from her eye as she blinked and she gave me a nod. "Why are you crying Bren? I thought this would make you happy."

"It does." she nodded, "it's just…I applied to colleges too and…I was accepted." I take her hand and lead her to sit on the bed and wait for her to continue. She looks at me, her eyes full of tears, "After we broke…I thought getting out of LA was a good idea. Get away from you…Kelly and the drama. I applied at CU…NYU…and the University of Minnesota." My eyes widened, "I got accepted to all three." I breathed out and looked down. Of course she did. Brenda was a top notch student. She had made the principles honor list two years in a row.

Silence fell over us, I looked at her. "Do…you know where you're going to go?" I asked scared of the answer. Maybe she had made the decision already? I couldn't picture myself in Minnesota, too fucking cold…and NYU? I honestly couldn't picture myself living there either. At least we had CU as a mutual choice it still didn't help that Berkeley was my number one choice.

Brenda shook her head, "No…I just found out about Minnesota and NYU today. I haven't made any decisions yet. I was sort of waiting for you to bring it up."

I nodded, I was happy Brenda and me were talking like this but I honestly didn't know what to say. "We don't have to decide anything right now. Why don't we have some dinner?" I smiled at her. My heart heavy but we really didn't have to make any decisions at this moment. Brenda and I JUST started this between us again. I couldn't ask her to drop everything and follow me but part of me wanted too. Maybe I could apply to NYU and she could apply to Berkeley and we could make the decision together? I kissed her softly, rubbing my nose once against hers.

"I love you Brenda."

Her hand found my cheek, "I love you Dylan." she answered back and pressed her lips to mine. We enjoyed our pasta dinner and tried to put it all aside to enjoy our date night. As we made small talk and cuddled on the futon, the air of sadness was thick around us. Dread and what if's hung around us almost suffocating. I didn't know if I would be able to tell Brenda goodbye come fall if we planned on different schools. I also didn't know how to ask her to apply to Berkley as well just in case because I would apply to NYU for her, sadly I just didn't know if I could get in . Prom was coming up soon. Maybe just maybe we could spend our prom weekend in San Fransisco, Go to the dance, catch a flight that night, spend the whole long weekend we had loving each other, seeing the city. I had fell in love with Berkeley, maybe she would too.

The following day I walked into the halls at school tired as hell. I hadn't slept well after Brenda went home. I wanted to proposition her, If she would add Berkeley to her list, I would add New York. If her heart was set on Minnesota I was fucked because I really really didn't want to live there. It wasn't me and I knew I wouldn't be happy in the midwest. No offense to the Walsh's but I didn't think Brenda would be happy there either. She was from there I knew and held her home town in her heart but I didn't think she was Minnesota anymore either. I got to my locker and grabbed my first period books. The halls were filled with chatter as music blared over the PA. I made my way to Brenda's locker in hopes I could see her, kiss her. When I rounded the corner there were balloons attached to it. My eyebrows furrowed as I stepped closer reading the message attached to the outside of her locker. It was a map, to the football field. I grabbed it ripping it off her locker. I didn't know if she had seen it but my feet started carrying myself to the field to see what the fuck was going on. As I made my way through the back area of school, I stood at the top of the stadium bleachers. There Brenda was standing looking down on the field in front of us with a smile on her face. There Chad stood on the track around the football field smiling back his arms spread out. There were the words…PROM? written across the middle of the football field in footballs. There was where I got suspended for 3 days for kicking the shit out of Chad.

 _EEEEK…So college talks and prom proposals it is isn't it? And Dylan…is suspended. Next up Brenda's POV and more into what happened with that fight. Everyone is talking about Chad's prom proposal and Dylan is in the dark not at school. What do you think will happen? How will Dylan top that? What will Brenda do? Hit review people. I'm righting the wrong!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Hello my patient friends. I know you all were hoping for Last night in London and I have started it. This one was calling me though so I'm going with my pull. I appreciate all the reviews and private messages. My knee is holding up and I'm doing much better. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's dedicated to all of you. Thank you for your continued support in my writing and helping us keep this epic couple alive. xoxox Short but sweet! Truths come out._

 _ **Chapter 12**_

 _ **The Manuscript**_

BPOV

Dylan…Dylan…Dylan…the stupid jerk got suspended. When I got to my locker this morning I should have taken the map with me but the truth was…I knew where the football field was. I didn't need it. I have to admit, at first when I saw the balloons and map…I thought maybe it was from Dylan. I know its stupid. I mean…Chad…footballs and field…HELLO…but there was a small part of me that thought maybe Dylan was trying to be romantic. Don't get me wrong Dylan WAS romantic but in a different way. A way only I knew. No Dylan wouldn't have made some grand gesture like Chad…but I'd like to think the Dylan that I know and loved would have asked me in the romantic way that only he knew how too. Now it was a mess. Chad had a broken rib and black eye and Dylan was suspended. I didn't even have a chance to yell at him because the fight was broken up and he was hauled away to Mrs. Teasley's office so quickly. I know this sounds so bad but part of me was happy it ended suddenly because I didn't have a chance to answer Chad's prom proposal, and only that I was thankful for, of course not the fight but I didn't know what to say to him. The truth was, it felt nice being wanted by another man. But this was senior prom. I wanted to go with Dylan…I should be going with Dylan. I love Dylan and this is the last dance of high school. It should be with Dylan. The main problem was Chad asked…Dylan had not.

I walked to my locker to put my books away and grab what I needed for homework. People in the halls watched me, they stared actually. The whole school had heard about the prom proposal and about Dylan kicking Chad's ass. It was humiliating and everybody was talking about it.

"Hey Bren." I turned towards Donna with a small smile.

"Hey Donna." David was standing next to her and he tilted his head at me, "Hey David."

"Brenda." He greeted me with a smile.

"We heard…about…" I reached out and touched her arm.

"I know." She didn't have to finish.

"What are you going to do? Are you going to say yes to Chad? How's Dylan?" I stopped her again.

"Look Donna, you know as much as I do. And to be honest I don't know what I'm going to say to Chad. Look I'm going to get out of here. Thanks for caring." I gave her a small smile and high tailed out of the school.

I came into my bedroom and dropped my messenger bag to the ground taking a deep breath. I looked on my bed noticing Dylan's manuscript still sitting there. I sighed and made myself comfortable on my bed and brought it to my lap. I opened to where I had left off. I had read through most of it and it was mostly about Dylan's dad, some things about me and being his angel during his darkest hour. The dedication page read _To Brenda, You are the poem I never knew how to write and this life is the story I have always wanted to tell._ I assumed he added that after the fact, I doubt he had that written when Andrea read his manuscript. I opened it to where I had left off and begin reading.

 _I never fully realized_

 _what it meant to hurt_

 _(to truly hurt)_

 _Until I wanted you_

 _to such a great extent,_

 _only to have no other choice_

 _but to convince myself_

 _that I didn't_

My fingers came to my lips. Tears filled my eyes at his beautiful words. I looked at the date he wrote it, it was when he was still with Kelly. I turned the page and kept reading.

 _I can't even hold your hand,_

 _but I love you with a love_

 _that no one can understand_

My eyes closed, he did this. He did all this by choosing her and now he was getting angry some guy was interested in me? I kept reading.

 _I missed you for too long, in too many ways,_

 _that it became just another part of me;_

 _engraved deeper into my heart with the passing of time._

 _I would wake up, stretch, breathe, and miss you._

 _They told me to let it go, to let you go, and I would say:_

 _You cannot simply will your heart to stop beating, that no matter how long you hold your breath for, you cannot hold it forever, and I could only stop missing you if I stopped being myself entirely._

I sobbed out. It was heavy stuff.

 _With you in my life I felt like I could conquer anything. It was as if I was on top of the world and even the stars themselves were just within my grasp. But without you ... even getting through the day is hard._

I swallowed hard. it seems the whole second half was about me. I had finally came to the last entry. It was more recent, it looked like it was the night he gave me the manuscript, the night he broke up with Kelly.

 _I didn't fall in love with you_

 _I walked into love with you,_

 _with my eyes wide open,_

 _choosing to take_

 _every step along the way._

 _I do belive in fate and destiny,_

 _but I also believe_

 _we are only fated to do the things_

 _that we'd choose anyway._

 _And I choose you,_

 _in a hundred lifetimes,_

 _in a hundred worlds,_

 _in any version of reality,_

 _I'd find you_

 _and I'd choose you._

My hands came to my face as I broke down. He was choosing me, but why hadn't he chose me before? What changed? If he loved me so much why did he not choose me until now? I grabbed a pen from my bed side drawer and a piece of paper and I wrote. I wrote Dylan. I would go to his house and confront him about Chad but there was something I had to get off my chest too and what better way to do so then with words.

DPOV

I paced my living room. I had tried calling Brenda a million times. Her father said she was not home, then Cindy, then Brandon said he hadn't seen her when I had asked at the pit. They were all lying because as I drove past her house on the way to my own, her bedroom light was on. She must be really angry and she had every right to be. I lost control. I let me jealousy take over and kicked the shit out of Chad. It was hard to regret it, he had it coming but I did regret how I reacted to the whole thing. I stopped pacing and took a deep breath, What if Brenda was going to say yes? She could not go to prom with that asshole. This was our prom for god sakes. PROM! I wanted to take her. Okay so maybe I hadn't asked her yet, and no I wasn't going to do something girlie like Chad's grand gesture but she knew there wasn't anyone else I wanted to go with right? I mean…I know I'm not mister school sprit but she knew? I bit my thumb nail nervously, what if she said yes? I was suspended for three days. I had no clue what was happening at school. My head turned towards the door as I heard a gentle knock. I walked over slowly, reaching for the doorknob, opening it slowly. There Brenda stood, clutching my manuscript to her chest, with tears in her eyes.

"Bren." I breathed, relieved to see her.

"Dylan." she said short. Silence reigned around us.

"You want to come in?" I swallowed hard, afraid of what this visit meant. Did she come to talk, so break it off with me after what I had done? Her expression was so hard to read. She nodded and silently made her way through the front door. I closed the door behind her and watched her as she set the manuscript down on the coffee table and sat slowly on the futon.

"Look…Brenda…I'm Sor." She held up her hand. I shut up.

"What you did today was wrong. It was immature and pig headed and downright stupid."

I swallowed hard and nodded, "I know."

"Did you mean what you wrote in there?" Brenda gestured to the manuscript.

I moved towards her, I sat beside her and looked at the side of her face, I moved her hair away from her beautiful, no makeup natural face. Her eyes meeting mine. "I meant every word that was written in there."

She tilted her head to the side, a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. "You're choosing me? Why didn't you choose me before?"

I looked down and took a deep breath, "You aren't going to like this Brenda. The more I think about my reasoning, the more pissed off I am at myself."

She started into my eyes, so I continued, "Do you remember that party that we had for my dad?"

Brenda looked down and nodded, before her eyes met mine again. "Having another chance with my father was so important to me. You were my best friend, you knew how much pain my dad had brought me but you also knew how important that second chance was with him. Kelly told me that your father forbid you to come." Brenda's face turned horrified as she gasped. I grabbed her hands, "I know this sounds like the dumbest thing but…I chose Kelly because she was the only person out of all of my friends…that showed up."

"I'm so sorry." Brenda cried and I gripped her hands tighter.

"Look Brenda, those couple months of the end of our junior year, got so heavy. We had royally pissed off your father and he was forbidding us to see each other. All the sneaking around was getting old but even though I thought the whole thing was getting out of hand, you fought so hard for us and that meant the world to me, I know I didn't act like it then, but it did. I talked you into going to Paris because your father figuratively speaking pulled a loaded gun to my head." Brenda's eyebrows furrowed. She stared in my eyes, confusion on her face. "He threatened to freeze all assets including my house and trust because I was committing statutory rape."

"What?" Brenda breathed out. "How is that even possible, you weren't even 18?"

I nodded, "I know…but I'm an emancipated minor, which means I'm an adult and I was harboring a minor by you living with me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Brenda cried.

"You're father thought it was the best thing for all of us, but I thought it was the best thing for you. You had the chance to study in Paris and that was all that mattered. That's why I went along with it and that's why I didn't tell you."

"Oh my god." Brenda whispered and looked down.

"If I would told you, you would have been even more angry with your dad and Brenda I loved you so much. I wanted you to experience Paris and all that life had to offer. What I didn't plan on was getting close to Kelly. It didn't happen until the last month or so. It started with just talking to her about my father…I didn't want to bum you out. I let lust come in the way of my true feelings and then seeing you after you were gone…I realized that I was indeed still in love with you. You allowing your dad to forbid you to the party was opening a wound that I thought was done. I'm not blaming you. I take full responsibility for my mistakes but…it hurt me you were allowing your father to come between us again and frankly I was over his bullshit and biased opinion about my father. I'm so sorry Brenda. I'm so so so sorry. It was such a stupid reason and way to choose." My hands came to her face, "I'm so sorry."

Tears fell from her pretty face and I wiped them quickly. "I never stopped loving you Bren. Never. You were always there in my heart. I wish I hadn't let Jim come between us again."

Brenda's arms came forcibly around my neck as she hugged me tightly. I rubbed her back gently and cooed her as she cried into my neck. We sat there for several minutes holding each other.

As she pulled away slowly, she wiped her face quickly. "I'm sorry about Chad. I let my jealousy allow me to lose control. I won't let anyone come between us again. Please say you aren't going to prom with him?" My eyes pleading with hers.

She smiled and shook her head. She got up quietly and started walking towards the front door. "Brenda? Please." I stood up.

She tilted her head and placed her hands on her hips, "And why should I say no…it's not like anyone else has asked me?" She stared at me. A hint of a smile playing on her lips.

I moved quickly and took the tops of her arms into my hands, "Go with me…I want to take you to prom. You should be going with me."

She leaned in and pressed her lips to mine, "I loved your manuscript…thanks for letting me read it." she began to move towards the door again.

"Brenda…I want to take you to prom."

She opened the front door and looked at me. She smiled a flirty smile at me that practically made my dick hard, "Prove it." and just like that she left.

My hands came out surprised, prove it? What the fuck? She didn't think I would actually do some pansy ass grand gesture in front of the whole school did she? I sighed with a shake of my head and walked over to the futon, plopping down on it. I rubbed the side of my face and looked at my manuscript. My tilted head moving upright, I noticed a piece of lined paper sticking out of it. I reached for it, bringing my thumb and index finger to my lips. It was from Brenda. It read.

 _Little do you know_

 _How I_ _'_ _m breaking while you fall asleep_

 _Little do you know_

 _I_ _'_ _m still haunted by the memory_

 _Little do you know_

 _I_ _'_ _m trying to pick myself up piece by piece_

 _Little do you know_

 _I need a little more time_

 _Underneath it all I_ _'_ _m held captive by the hole inside_

 _I_ _'_ _ve been holding back_

 _For the fear that you might change your mind_

 _I_ _'_ _m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight_

 _Little do you know_

 _I need a little more time_

My hand came over my mouth as I breathed out. I rubbed my lips taking in her honest words. She was trying to forgive me, but it wasn't easy for her. All the depression I had noticed lately, she was afraid I would change my mind again, after she let me back in. I looked at the ceiling taking a deep breath getting an idea. I grabbed a pen and continued my side of the little poem she had written. She wanted me to prove it. Well I would prove it. I also wasn't allowed on campus for 2 more days but…other people were. Other people I could pay could, maybe at night even. I continued writing from my heart. I would prove to Brenda that yes I wanted to go to prom with her, but more importantly I would prove to Brenda, she was it for me. I was choosing right this time and we belonged together. I loved her, I always had loved her. Nothing was going to come in between us this time. Not Kelly, not Chad, not Jim, not college…not pride. Prove it I would.

 _Hit review my little loves! Next chapter…Brenda's poem continued and a prom proposal that beats Chad's with a little help from Dylan's friends._


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

 _ **Little did you know…I knew**_

The following night I walked up to Kelly's front door. It was weird being back here. I hadn't been here in awhile. It felt odd but I knew what I had to do. I rang the door bell and unfortunately Kelly answered.

"Dylan? What are you doing here?" Her eyes nervous.

My hands found my pockets as I rocked on my heels, "Actually…I came to ask David for a favor."

"David? Why?"

I took a deep breath, "Just need help with something…actually I could use yours too…Can I come in?" I smiled at her and she looked so confused that it almost made me laugh. She moved to the side and lifted her hand allowing my entry.

"David!" she yelled, "Dylan's here." silence filled the foyer as I heard David call out that he would be down in a minute. I looked at Kelly shyly. She smirked at me. "So? Suspended for fighting. Nice touch." she shook her head amused.

"Yeah." I breathed out. "Probably not the best decision I've ever made. I made a big mistake. You know…I do that a lot."

Kelly laughed and shook her head again, "Yeah you do. I hope you have a plan…to top Chad?" she smirked and I smiled.

I huffed out a laugh and looked down before my attention found David's as he hopped down the steps. "Dylan man…what brings you by?" David reached out to me and shook my hand.

"Actually David…I was hoping you could help me."

David looked at Kelly and then back at me. He shrugged a little and he led me to the living room. I explained my plan to him and Kelly. David was excited, Kelly was too. They both got Donna involved also and Cindy Paine, who was the best singer in the senior class. Kelly told me it was perfect and that Brenda would love it. We spent 2 hours in David's room perfecting and as I made my way home, I had the biggest smile on my face. The truth was Brenda was so important to me. This wasn't my style but that was okay. Prove it I was going to do and if that meant stepping out of my comfort zone of privacy then so be it. I owed it to Brenda. Andrea called me later that night. She was beginning to prove to be a great friend to me.

"Dylan…I talked to Kelly. I want to help." she said on the phone.

"You do?" I said back to her surprised.

"Yes…I have a confession to make. That day at the poll pictures, when I told you I read your manuscript and asked if the woman you were talking about was Kelly…I knew it wasn't. I had my doubts just reading the words you had written but after I saw you and Brenda kissing, I knew and it made so much sense. I want to help. We all want to help."

"Wow…okay thank you Andrea. I appreciate it I just don't know what you can do."

"Well…I have an idea. So I know you aren't allowed on campus…but Mrs. T can't stop you from being on the street…in front of school." I smiled into the phone, "I mean it's city property and everything." She said nonchalantly.

"Perfect…thank you Andrea."

"Anytime."

Andrea and I talked for several more minutes and came up with a plan. I hung up the phone with the most perfect prom proposal idea. I just hoped Brenda loved it so much that she said yes.

BPOV

I walked through the halls after our last class thankful the day was done. It was weird at school without Dylan and Chad was still not back at school. I wanted to apologize and Chad had called me twice leaving messages with my parents. I hadn't called him back yet, but knew I had to today. I got to my locker putting my books away when I heard David and Donna over the PA system.

"Here is a new song sang by our very own most talented David Silver and Cindy Paine." I looked down the hall surprised, David and Cindy were singing together now? Where had I been? Then I froze as Dylan's voice came over the PA.

"Brenda…this is for you." I turned towards the radio booth. The sound of piano filled the halls. Everyone was silent as they watched my reaction. First Cindy started singing…my words, my words that I had written for Dylan. I walked slowly down the hall closer and listened.

 _Little do you know_

 _How I'm breaking while you fall asleep_

 _Little do you know_

 _I'm still haunted by the memory_

 _Little do you know_

 _I'm try_ _ing to pick myself up piece by piece_

 _Little do you know I_

 _need a little more time_

 _Underneath it all_

 _I'm held captive by the hole inside_

 _I've been holding back_

 _For the fear that you might change your mind_

 _I'm ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight_

 _Little do you know I_

 _need a little more time_

David started singing words I didn't write. My hand went over my mouth as I heard the words I knew were written by Dylan.

 _I'll wait, I'll wait_

 _I_ _'ll love you like you've never felt the pain_

 _I'll wait_

 _I promise you don't have to be afraid_

 _I'll wait_

 _Our love is here and here to stay_

 _So lay your head on me_

 _Little do you know_

 _I know you're hurting while I'm sound asleep_

 _Little do you know_

 _All my mistakes are slowly drowning me_

 _Little do you know_

 _I'm try_ _ing to make it better piece by piece_

 _Little do you know I_

 _I love you till the sun dies_

The both began singing, David's piano playing so beautifully with the words. Their voices rang together so lovely.

 _Oh wait_

 _Just wait_

 _I_ _'ll love you like I've never felt the pain_

 _Just wait_

 _I_ _'ll love you like I've never been afraid_

 _Just wait_

 _My love is here and here to stay_

 _So lay your head on me_

 _I'll wait, I'll wait_

 _I_ _'ll love you like you've never felt the pain, I'll wait_

 _I promise you don_ _'_ _t have to be afraid, I'll wait_

 _The love you see right here stays_

 _so lay your head on me_

 _Lay your head on me_

 _So lay your head on me_

 _'Cause little do you know_

 _I love you till the sun dies_

Dylan's voice played when the song ended, "Bren…meet me out in the front of school."

I began walking down the hallway to the front doors, practically in a slow jog. When I rounded the corner there were rose pedals that littered the ground. Brandon and Kelly stood watching me with smiles on their faces. Kelly and Brandon holding a basket of rose pedals. Was everyone in on this? I followed the rose pedals to the front doors. Steve and Andrea were there as they opened both doors wide. Red rose pedals littered the steps down to the street and as I looked up, there Dylan stood. David's piano filled the area through the speakers. The same ballad of Dylan's song but without words. I stared at Dylan, he stood looking delicious in a suit, his hands in his pockets. Rose pedals all around him, all over the street. I took a couple steps down and watched him as what seemed like half the school gathered behind me watching. Tears falling freely down my face a slow smile spread across my face.

"Brenda…I just wanted you to know…little did you know…I knew. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life…but nothing compares to letting you go. I know I'm not the only guy at this school who knows how amazing you are." My fingers touched my lips as I cried silently, I couldn't help it. "I do know though that none of those guys love you like I do." Dylan stepped a couple steps towards me, "Brenda…choose me? Will you go to prom with me?" He smiled a sexy smile at me I stood staring into his eyes, then my bag dropped to the ground in an instant. I was running down the stairs as fast as I could. I threw my arms around Dylan's neck so hard I heard him grunt softly as I jumped into his arms. He lifted me against him with ease, holding me tightly. I felt his lips against my head. I heard him exhale relaxing. I was speechless, I knew this wasn't Dylan's style at least not in front of other people, he was so private. He had to have been so nervous. I hadn't officially answered him as the clapping and hollering surrounded us by our classmates.

He brought his lips to my ear, still holding me closely, "Is that a yes?" he whispered.

I nodded against him as I felt my feet finally hit the floor. As I pulled away from him I looked up into his loving eyes, tears clouding mine. "Yes…yes I'll go to prom with you." I rushed out breathy. He kissed me deeply as the applause around us grew louder. He rested his forehead against my own. I closed my eyes taking in his closeness.

"I know how much I hurt you Bren and I know there aren't words that can make your doubt disappear. I'll wait for you…however long it takes for you to trust me again, to trust in us again." he whispered against my lips. His hands came to my face cupping it gently. "The one thing I'm absolutely sure of Bren is I love you more than I ever thought I could love anybody and I know we can get through this together." He kissed me gently again. His tongue gliding against mine sweetly. "I love you so much." he whispered before pecking my lips softly again.

My eyes closed as I felt his warm hands on my face, his forehead against mine. "I love you too." I whispered back.

By the time we separated most of the school had moved on with going home. Dylan asked me if he could give me a ride home in which I accepted. As I climbed the steps to grab my bag. I looked up at my friends that were still standing around watching us. I smiled at them softly in which they smiled back. I felt like it was a silent thank you and weirdly their way of showing support. When Dylan chose Kelly. I felt really alone in the whole thing. I felt as though everyone supported Kelly and Dylan and my feelings hadn't mattered much, that maybe they didn't think Dylan was in my league just like I hadn't. That maybe he belonged with her. It seems I was wrong. With everyone's help, even Kelly's…Steve's admission to Dylan, Donna's admission to me. I had some good friends and I was happy that I felt a closeness with them again.

I had spend the afternoon with Dylan. We hung out, watched movies and made out. It felt like old times. I was grateful and confused that he hadn't tried to go farther in our physical love. I didn't say anything but maybe he was waiting for some kind of sign from me that I was ready to move forward? I didn't know if I was just yet. I have to be honest and I didn't say anything to Dylan about this because I felt like it would have spoiled the romantic part of this day but his bed grossed me out. I didn't know much about Dylan and Kelly's relationship behind the scenes. He hadn't admitted to sleeping with her, but they had dated for many months and I knew in my heart they had had sex. Was it weird to ask him to buy new sheets? I know it was lame but was it? It was a conversation I would have to have with him but in my heart did I want to know? It was my own weirdness I knew but Dylan sounded hell bent on making this right with us. Maybe he would understand?

When I got home I sat at my desk doing my homework. My attention was brought to the West Beverly phone directory. I knew I had to check on Chad. I hadn't answered his prom proposal and sadly I wanted to see if he was alright. I picked the directory up and looked up his information. He didn't live far from me. I grabbed my phone and looked down at it. This felt weird doing it over the phone. I walked into the bathroom and into Brandon's room. He was sitting at his desk with a text book open doing what looked like homework as well.

"Hey Bran?"

"Yeah Bren?" he looked up from his book.

"Can I borrow your car…just for a little while?"

"Where you going?" he smiled knowingly, "Dylan's?" he raised his eye brows.

I looked down and smirked, this was new and weird. "No…actually Chad's." my voice when I said his name was unrecognizable.

His eyes grew wide, "Wait a second." he closed his book interested now. "You're going to Chad's, the guy that Dylan punched out, broke his rib and got suspended for all because he asked you to prom? That Chad?" the edges of his mouth twitched up. He was enjoying this when I was clearly uncomfortable.

I sighed, "Brandon…can I borrow the damn Mustang or not?" My hand went to my hip annoyed.

Brandon chuckled, "Yeah." he said simply reaching into his pocket and tossing me his keys. I caught them with a fumble and smiled at my stupid brother. I turned and he stopped me.

"Bren?" I turned to face him again, "Let him down easy huh…the guy is seriously crushing on you." he smiled.

I nodded with a smirk and left to drive the 4 blocks to Chad's house. I looked up at the massive white mansion. Took a deep breath and climbed the stairs that seemed to go on forever. I should have called him now that I was standing at his massive front double doors but I just really thought I owed him to do this in person. I breathed out, shook my hands nervously and reached up ringing the door bell.

Seconds past and a women in a uniform answered. Geez he was rich. I smiled politely. "Is Chad home?"

She smiled a warm smile back, "He is…come on in."

I stepped into the massive foyer. A chandelier hung from the high ceiling. It was open and bright and beautifully decorated. A table that sat in the center housed a huge gorgeous floral centerpiece. The smell filled the foyer with freesia, jasmine and gardenia. It was mouth watering.

"I'll let him know you are here…" she paused waiting to know what I assumed was my name.

"Brenda." I said nicely.

She nodded once and repeated my name. "Brenda."

She approached the massive stairway that hugged the foyer. Two curved stairways from either side swooped up gorgeously meeting in the center on the second story with black rod ironed handrails done in an eloquent designs.

I shook my head…Chad said his parents were doctors? This looked like a movie producers house. I looked around in awe ringing my hands nervously when I heard the house keeper if that was what she was speak from above.

"Come on up Brenda." she said politely. I climbed the massive stairway as she led me to a closed door. She smiled again at me and there was something else in her eyes. "Go on head sweetie…he's happy you're here." My heart broke. This was going to be difficult. I knocked a couple times and slowly opened what I assumed was Chad's bedroom door. As I peaked in I saw him sitting in bed, shirtless of all god damn things with bandages wrapped around his torso. Much like Dylan had ages ago when he broke his ribs surfing. He smiled brightly at me then I noticed his black eye. Poor Chad.

"Brenda!" his voice was happy to see me as his dimples shown vibrantly.

I smiled at him but I knew my eyes showed sympathy. After closing his bedroom door behind me I made my way towards him. He sat up a little and patted the space next to him on the bed so we'd face each other.

I looked at his handsome face as I sat. I couldn't help what I did next. My hand raised slowly and traced the blackish purple swollen area under his eye. "Are you okay?"

His eyes closed feeling my hand on his face, he covered mine with his. His eyes looked into mine and he smiled his trade mark sexy smirk. "Well I'm doing a hell of a lot better now. That you're here." he said so honestly my heart hurt.

I covered it up with a chuckle. His finger intertwined with mine as he brought it to his lap. "I'm so so sorry Chad." I said desperately. He didn't deserve this. He was so nice to me. "I don't know what came over him."

He raised his eyebrows at me, still sporting that sexy smile, "Seriously? Come on Brenda you know what came over him, the guy is pure jealous…green with envy…staking his claim…resentful…plain jealous."

I nodded knowing this to be true. I hadn't ever really seen this macho guy side of Dylan before, but then again…even in our moments of indiscretion, I never really had given a reason to be. I had always gone back to him.

"Still I came by to tell you how sorry I am and I truly loved your prom proposal. I just wish I had been given the chance to tell you that day."

Chad squeezed my hand. "You liked it?" His smile widened.

I nodded, "No one has ever done something like that for me. It was so sweet and so romantic."

"Well…that's not true. I heard you got a public proposal today." His smiled faded but he kept the light energy going.

I swallowed hard, "I…" I stumbled over my words.

"It's ok Bren…I know you're going to prom with Dylan."

I looked down and sighed, "I'm sorry."

Chad chuckled, he leaned forward, his cool sweet breath on my face. It made my breath hitch. "You deserve 50 prom proposals.I wasn't going to end high school without at least trying. I knew it was a long shot." He kept his closeness but looked down sadly at our entertained hands.

"It's not that I don't like you Chad…I do."

"But…you love him. I get it."

I shook my head, "Dylan and I just have a lot of history and there is a lot of feelings there. I do love him but we have a long way to go too, we're just too connected to ignore it, I don't know if he deserves this chance but I love him too much not to try."

He looked into my eyes, "You're amazing Brenda…you're not just beautiful but you are smart and witty. Strong and so incredible. You know…I could have fought back. I play football for god sakes, it wasn't like I haven't taken hits or given them for that matter. Something in Dylan's eyes just made me not. He was pissed don't get me wrong." he chuckled, "But he was terrified, scared to death of losing you." He shook his head, "I don't know what possessed him to cheat on you Brenda but the guy looks like he knows he made a huge mistake. It's not easy giving someone another chance after they hurt you but it isn't easy losing a great love either."

I nodded and looked at our hands, "If Dylan…hadn't asked you to prom…would you of said yes to me?" his sexy smirk returned.

I laughed and smiled back, "You bet your ass I would have."

He sat back happy with that answer. "Good to know." he nodded. His left dimple showing bright. I took a deep breath and shook my head. He was hot damn it. His face got serious for a second, "I wish I would have told you…or asked you out when I first saw you. I hate that I was too chicken shit to make a move. But then again, Dylan made his move pretty quickly so maybe it wouldn't have mattered much anyway."

I shook my head, "Chad…if there were no Dylan McKay…I would probably be in love with you." I spoke truthfully. "You don't know how much you helped me."

He tilted his head and looked at me curiously now. "When Dylan left me…I was so broken. I lost myself, it's still a fight sometimes to get me back. I had never felt more alone…and in the dark and unworthy before in my life." Tears brimmed my eyes. His facial expression pained now. He let go of my hand and he rested it sweetly on my cheek. "I didn't know you even knew I existed. But the feeling of being wanted…just to know someone noticed me. Thought I was worth talking to…or even worth setting up hundreds of footballs for…just to ask me to prom." I shook my head overpowered with emotion now, "I don't think you know how much that meant to me."

"Oh sweetie." he breathed and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back tightly. "Don't ever let someone make you feel unworthy. You are amazing and Dylan is lucky you're even talking to him again." We leaned out from each other. I swallowed hard at his closeness, "If he." he paused calming, "If he hurts you like that again…I will fuck him up, I wont hold back next time." He playfully but honestly warned.

I laughed out loud, "Please do." he chuckled back.

I stared at him for many seconds and then I just did it. I didn't care about what Dylan would say or even what it meant but I leaned in and kissed him. My lips closed around his and I felt him exhale into my mouth like it was something he had wanted for a long time. He deepened it and I felt him grip my head gently, moving his head to the side intensifying it as his tongue gently danced with mine. The kiss was sweet and hot and steamy and I liked it. He pulled back, his eyes closed, he rested his forehead against mine. "Wow." he breathed. "Ive wanted to do that for 3 years."

I giggled. leaning out from him "Thank you Chad…for liking me, for giving me some confidence back. You are going to make some woman very very happy someday."

He smiled brightly and leaned away too. "Thanks Bren and if Dylan continues to be an unappreciated asshole…you know where to find me."

I nodded and got up. I set my hand on his cheek and smiled at him. He smiled back. I walked towards his bedroom door and just as I opened it he called me.

"Brenda? Save me a dance at prom?" he winked with his sexy trademark smirk.

"Absolutely." I agreed and proceeded to leave Chad's with the biggest goofiest grin on my face.

I drove home thinking about Dylan. How much I loved him and what Chad said, He should feel lucky I'm giving him a chance. I wasn't lying, I did like Chad but he was right. My heart belonged to Dylan. Without even realizing it I was parking outside Dylan's bungalow and walking up the front steps to his door. I knocked twice and saw him moving through the windows to open the door. It swung open and I was greeted my Dylan's trademark sexy smile which made my heart skip a beat. Butterflies filled my belly as I stared at him.

"Hey…you…I wasn't expecting you." He embraced me tightly truly happy to see me. I held him closely and exhaled.

"Do you love me Dylan?" I whispered into his neck.

He pulled back and looked at me curiously, "You know I do…what's this about?"

I moved into his living room and sat on the futon as he closed his front door. He looked at me hesitantly but slowly made his way over and sat beside me. His arm came around me resting on my hip as he looked into my eyes.

"Do you want this? Do you want me? I mean really?"

"Of course I do baby." he said heart felt.

"I swear to god Dylan…if this is a game to you. Or a reaction to Chad or whoever…please just tell me…because I don't think I can go through this again." I knew I started crying before the tear even ran down my cheek. Dylan's face was concerned as his hand came up and wiped the tear gently.

"Brenda…you are everything to me. I've loved you since the first moment I met you. Your eyes…looked into me and I knew…you were it. You made me want to be a better guy, you made me want to commit and get to know you. And you made me want to get to know the real me too. I like who I am with you Bren. I adore you…you consume me, you have my whole heart. I'm sorry for the mistakes I made. I know I can't take them back, but I was telling you the truth with those words today. I'll wait for you to be sure Brenda. I'm not going anywhere."

I smiled remembering the words he written in response to mine. The beautiful words that he had David make into a song for me. I leaned in and kissed him hard. He responded instantly deepening it forcibly. I wasn't sure how long we were making out and heavy petting when I gently pushed at him.

"There is something else…I want to apply to Berkeley too, I've never been to San Fransisco but I'm sure I'll like it…but you have to do something for me too…apply to New York also? Then after prom before graduation we will make the decision together."

Dylan's smile was wide and infectious. He chuckled as he got up and moved to his kitchen table. I watched him curiously, he carried a packet back to me and handed it to me as he sat beside me again. I looked down at it and smiled. He was applying to New York already. I didn't say anything as my heart soured. I set the packet on the table gently and went in again. I put everything I had into that kiss. Dylan's soft lips on mine. His tongue mixing with mine perfectly. He was over me in a second. Things were heated and electric as I felt him reach for the button my jeans. His lips on my neck, causing goose bumps to spread over my whole entire body. My core aching with need and beyond turned on. I was a hormonal mess!

"Let's move this into my room." he whispered huskily before he kissed me passionately again.

Oh shit…oh shit…everything was so perfect and I was about to ruin it. I couldn't have sex with Dylan on those Kelly infested sheets. I just couldn't…I pulled back suddenly. His eyes looking into mine lustfully. "I want to make love to you Bren…I want to feel you. God I miss you. Being with you." he got up suddenly and took both my hands. I stood and breathed out pulling my hands back forcefully.

"I can't." I shook my head. "I'm sorry Dylan…I just can't"

 _Sorry…it was getting super long and I needed a good place to stop. Don't throw shoes at me! I've already started chapter 14 and for my BD fans it wont disappoint. Next chapter will be these two connecting…then prom..then college decisions and graduation. I think this story will have maybe 4 or 5 chapters left at most. Depending how far I get in the remainder of senior year. We will see! So how did everyone like it? Chad is so sweet! Dylan awesome too no? The song and proposal? Better than Chad's? Tell me everything people! Hit review! Cleaning up a little surprise one shot that I wrote ages ago and never posted, so watch for it soon and Last night in London as well. Love you guys!_


	14. Chapter 14

_WOO HOO another update! I thought why keep you guys in suspense. I do expect long detailed reviews for both though LOL Rated M for hot, romantic and STEAMY! Enjoy!_

 _ **Chapter 14**_

 _ **Get Happy**_

" _I can't." I shook my head, "I'm sorry Dylan…I just can't."_

He looked at me, a hint of rejection hit his eyes but he pushed it aside and nodded. "You're not ready…it's ok…there is no rush…I'll wait." He moved towards me, his arms circling around my waist, his eyes understanding.

"No…it's not that." I exhaled, "I want to…God Dylan." I whined a little and I didn't even care, "I want to so bad. It's just." I broke down. Now feeling dumb for what I was about to say. "I can't make love to you on those sheets. Not when Kelly's been there." I looked down ashamed as fat tears rolled down my face. Silence filled the living room and embarrassment hit me further. I felt his finger lift my chin.

"Kelly was never on those sheets." he shook his head. "I never slept with Kelly in my bed. The only person that I have ever slept with in that bed was you Bren."

I took a step back from him, staring at his eyes, "You expect me to believe in the 5 months or whatever you guys dated you didn't sleep together? Come on Dylan…I know you…please don't lie to me." I begged.

He took a step closer, "When I first started dating Kelly. My dad had just gotten out of jail. He lived in a suite at the hotel. I stayed with him there. Then he bought a yacht. I stayed with him there too. Then he died and only then I came back to live here. I'm not going to lie to you Brenda…I did sleep with Kelly a couple times, like literally 2 times…but never here. Never in my bed. By the time my dad died when I came back here, sex was the last thing on my mind. Then I stayed with you. I started regretting leaving you and even when she wanted to I couldn't do it. I haven't slept with Kelly since before my dad died, not since the night before he died on that boat."

The air I had been holding in released as I loudly exhaled. "Thank god." I cried as I jumped into his arms. Me it had only been me here!

His face buried into my hair. "Baby…I'm so sorry I hurt you."

I nodded, "I know."

His lips found mine. He kissed me with passion and heat as my feet left the floor. He held me close to him, his lips staking claim again. Deepening the kiss I reacted and tangled my fingers into his hair. He groaned into my mouth and the sound shot a lightening bolt down the center of my body. I was in another world as his tongue played with mine fluidly. I was vaguely aware that I was being carried, the breeze of movement in my hair but I kept my mouth on his not breaking that incredible kiss. I had kissed Dylan thousands of times but there was a need to this one that felt so different then the others. He gently laid me on his bed, he hovered over me looking into my eyes deeply. My fingers traced his face as his eyes closed exhaling softly, relishing in my touch.

He bent down, his lips against my cheek, brushing it lightly—and still that light touch sent shivers through my nerves, shivers that made my whole body tremble. "If you want me to stop, tell me now," he whispered.

When I said nothing, he brushed his mouth against the hollow of my temple. "Or now." He traced the line of my cheekbone. "Or now." His lips were against mine.

We are kissing like crazy. Like our lives depended on it. His tongue slips inside my mouth, gentle but demanding, and it's nothing like I've ever experienced, and I suddenly understand why people describe kissing as melting because every square inch of my body dissolves into his. My fingers grip his hair, pulling him closer. My veins throb and my heart explodes. I have never wanted anyone like this before. Ever. The weight of his body on top of mine is extraordinary. I feel him—all of him—pressed against me, and I inhale him, his shampoo, and that extra scent that's just … him. The most delicious smell I could ever imagine. I want to breathe him, lick him, eat him, drink him. His lips taste like honey. His face has the slightest bit of stubble that will probably be gone by tomorrow and it rubs my skin but I don't care, I don't care at all. He feels wonderful. His hands are everywhere, and it doesn't matter that his mouth is already on top of mine, I want him closer closer closer.

His strong hand reaches up my shirt, I breath out feeling his lips and tongue on my neck. Waves of pleasure wash over me as he roughly grabs my right breast. I'm so lost in the sensation I don't notice that hand moves quickly to my back, a flick of his fingers and my bra loosens around my chest. He leans onto his knees, taking my shirt in his hands. I lean up and it's over my head and someplace on the floor within seconds. My bra gently being moved down my arms and it joins it in the corner. Dylan's mouth is on my breast within a second. His hand grabbing the other. His mouth covers my nipple as he sucks it hard into his mouth. I moan loudly, they are sensitive and puckered and he smiles against it. His body leans into mine causing me to lay back. His lips on mine once more. He reaches for the button on my jeans again but pauses. He looks into my eyes hesitantly.

"Is this ok?" his voice soft.

I swallow hard not because of being unsure because I'm so heated I don't know if I have ever felt like this. It's like all the times I dreamed of this moment again was never as good as the real thing. I had never been with anyone else. I didn't know how it felt to be with another man but I was around girls, seen movies, I knew teenagers didn't usually have intense erotic sex but I did…I always had it with Dylan. Sure there were awkward times. Sure there were times I didn't orgasm or Dylan did too prematurely but over all this part of our relationship was always powerful. In my thinking I still must have nodded because Dylan was on his knees again pulling down my jeans over my hips. My panties soon followed. He lay beside me and undressed himself so quickly I giggled. He looked into my eyes so intensely my smile faded. His eyes casted down at my uncovered breast with adoring eyes and massaged my nakedness as he pulled his other hand down much further, where my thighs met my sex.

Dylan stroked my opening gingerly, as if I were a delicate flower that might fall apart. Slowly, he pushed two fingers into me and I soon found myself pressing onto his hand. Pressing hard.

His crooked mouth moved to mine as my hand wound into his hair again. He groaned turned on and it only fueled my desire more. He trailed down my neck until he finally reached my naked breast. He kissed every inch and took my nipple into his mouth again, suckling as if I was his nourishment.

The hand inside me increased tempo and I gasped at the mounding sensations within me. He licked my breast once more and traversed down my stomach to meet his currently occupied hand. Dylan stooped down to his knees and gently separated me with his fingers. He angled his face up to kiss my center, first lightly, teasingly. Then he plunged his tongue deep inside of me and I practically fainted. I began pushing down against his mouth rhythmically. His tongue darted firmly within me-sucking, caressing and causing me to nearly explode.

We both moaned loudly. "God I miss you." he breathed. His hot breath in between my thighs. It caused goose bumps to spread quickly and I heard him chuckle softly. His hands running over my thighs feeling them.

I reached down in an attempt to pull him to me. Yes I was enjoying this but I wanted him in me. We had waited long enough. My body was on fire.

"I'm not finished." his voice soft but demanding. I smiled as he began his oral attack once again. This time he went painfully slow until my entire body quaked with delight. He kissed me down there one more time and grabbed hold of my thighs while I bucked against his mouth.

"God Dylan please." I begged unashamed. _Enough of the torture, make love to me already,_ I thought.

Sitting up, Dylan climbed on top of me and I could feel him press firmly into my pelvis. Running his hands along my bare breasts, he kneaded them gently. He pressed harder into my body until I thought I could take no more. So slowly, Dylan began to rub himself against me, bare. We had never had sex without protection, not once. The feel of him between my folds without a barrier was extraordinary. Every few seconds I felt him hit me just right, so that I kept wanting more—but I wanted him deep inside of me.

"Damn it." I breathed closing my eyes, "Why am I not on the pill." I cursed myself in my head.

Dylan chuckled, "God." he breathed still rubbing himself against me, "I don't think I'd last long in that case. It's been a while and you feel just as good as I remember."

I reached for his member and he cursed as I tightened my hold on it. Stroking it firmly, his eyes closed.

At some point of my hand assault. Dylan remembered himself again. He sat beside me, wiped his forehead and pulled me up into his arms.

"Maybe we should wait…for prom, make it special like our first time." he whispered.

"Seriously? Are you kidding me?" I felt my inner brat rising up.

I pushed him back down onto his bed and climbed on top, straddling his firm crotch.

"I want you," I whispered. "Make love to me."

Dylan growled with lust and rolled me over, so that he was on top once again. He leaned down as if to kiss me. "Are you sure, Brenda, I can wait?"

"Yes," I didn't recognize my own voice. I was a stranger, a confident queen.

Dylan lightly pressed against me. Licking his fingers, he rubbed my insides once more and pressed himself slightly into me without a condom. He placed one hand beneath my head and the other to my right side and slowly pushed his way deeper into my body.

"Just for a second, tell me if I'm hurting you," he said. I nodded and tried to burn this sensation into my mind. Even the brief pain of feeling flesh stretch inside a secret space again did nothing for the feeling of Dylan pumping in and out of me slowly without protection. I wanted to keep it all forever. Once fully inside my body, Dylan began to rock gently in and out, massaging my tight channel. He shuddered in pleasure and roughly kissed my mouth.

"Brenda…" he breathed. "This feels so good. Is this okay?" his eyes searching mine.

In that moment, nothing mattered beyond the feeling of his bare skin against mine. His sweat and fluids, every inch of his body belonged to me. Nothing else was anything. Not the months apart between us, or his short relationship with my once best friend. Not the scare we once had when I thought I was pregnant. I wanted to feel Dylan…all of Dylan and by the looks of it he wanted the exact same thing…no matter how irresponsible it was.

"Yes." I breathed back, my eyes closing. Everything felt too perfect. "Have you done this before..I mean recently?" I knew he had before. He had told me ages ago and had gotten tested for me. I wasn't worried about diseases, Kelly had practically been celibate since Steve and I remember going with her to get tested herself. But the insecure part of me wondered if even though not in this bed, he had with Kelly and I wasn't sure why I wanted to know so badly.

Dylan kept his slow rhythm, I closed my eyes feeling him. "No." he whispered, "Not since the last time you asked me." he admitted. My eyes opened to look at him touched and his eyes were closed. His mouth slack in pleasure. He pushed into me deeply and stopped. Then they opened and my heart stopped at the raw emotion that stared back at me. I sighed in perfect contentment.

"Only you baby." he whispered. His mouth was on mine. He reached into his end table drawer and pulled out a condom. My hand met his, my fingers wrapped around the foil taking it from him.

"I want to feel you like this…only you and me."

He smirked, sexy and intense and tossed it on the floor. He began moving in me again. The sensation something I have never felt before. Tingles spread over my body instantly and I felt the bumps spread over him too. He kissed me and rocked into me deeper, harder. The sounds coming from my mouth foreign. He groaned his lips around mine breathing life into me. He squeezed his eyes shut, holding his weight a little off me as he pumped into me faster. Concentrating and holding back, he was close. He grunted and it was the sexiest thing I have ever heard. Pleasure shot through me as I panted heavily. Then like lightning, quick and electric, my orgasm hit me like a unseen truck. I moaned loudly, pleasure hitting my core strongly. I quaked against him, meeting his thrusts with my own. I felt it, it was the most sensual thing I have ever felt. As he moved swiftly in and out of me, the wetness pulled between us and I knew I had cum. He groaned feeling it too. I rode it out, still feeling euphoric with his thrusts, it was long and satisfying. I had never orgasmed like this ever. His thrusts picked up speed. His moans, grunts and groans grew louder. Then quickly he pulled out, his hand wrapped around his shaft tightly and shot his seed on my stomach with a long guttural groan. It came out in spurts, his eyes squeezed shut, his breathes ragged and catching. His mouth opened as he shook a little as he grunted again. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.

His eyes opened slowly, love, devotion and intensity staring back at me. He looked down at the mess he had made on me.

"I'm sorry." he quickly moved grabbing a towel I hadn't even noticed from the floor. He wiped me gently, cleaning himself off of me and even that was sensual. "I figured we shouldn't press our luck."

I giggled still high from my own pleasure. He tossed the towel to the floor and cuddled into me. His strong arms around me protectively. I felt a gently kiss on my head. My eyes closed.

"Wow." I breathed.

"Yeah…wow." he repeated.

We cuddled together for what seemed like forever but it couldn't have been more than 30 minutes. "What time do you have to be home?" he asked in a soft whisper.

"I don't care." I answered back truthfully.

He chuckled, "Here we go again. You're father will be so pleased." he joked.

I looked up at him, his eyes met mine. "It will be different this time." I reassured him.

He nodded once and leaned in to kiss me softly. I released his lips and breathed into his mouth, "Just think…soon we'll be out of high school and maybe on our own."

"I can't wait." he breathed back. Kissing me deeply again. "I also have a surprise for you for prom night. Do you think your parents will let you stay out all night, the weekend?"

My eyebrow raised teasingly. "Room 271?" I said sensually.

He laughed out loud, "Please Bren…give me some points for originality. We will not be cliche and get a room like the rest of the class at the hotel prom is at. It's a surprise, pack a weekend bag…and Brenda for the love of god…tell your parents the truth…and bring your drivers license this time."

I giggled, "Baja?" My eyes hopeful.

Dylan shook his head, "Nope…but that will happen again this summer…you can count on that."

I giggled again and moved over him. Straddling his naked torso with excitement. My chest flush against his. His arms wound tightly around me, his eyes looking into mine. "I'm gonna hold you too that." I whispered with a smile.

"You better." he smiled widely and kissed me again forcibly. It all happened so fast and so fluidly. Dylan guiding his length at my entrance again entering me slowly I was moving with him again. Between my head thrown back, his hands gripping my breasts and the moans of sexual pleasure our second time around I ached with satisfaction. I rode Dylan like a wild women, grinding against him, his firm hands guiding back and forth on him. This time he did stop to put a condom on. As he moved over me, fucking me with wild abandonment. We climaxed together strongly. Not having to pull out this time. His slick body against mine, the spasms of pleasure hitting us like free falling. As he discarded the stupid piece of rubber I seemed to actually despise now I whispered. "I'll be getting on the pill as soon as possible…like tomorrow." I breathed cuddling into his side again.

He chuckled and kissed my temple out of breath, "I can't wait." he groaned, "God I cant wait."

I hummed content and happy. Maybe the first time since we had broken up. As Dylan caressed my body softly we lay in silence looking forward to what was ahead for us. For once the future didn't seem so daunting. I giggled out loud feeling at ease. As I closed my eyes. All I saw ahead was light. Bright and warm not darkness. It felt amazing.

Dylan squeezed me tightly, "I know." he whispered almost knowing what I was thinking. "I feel it too…it feels good doesn't it? Being happy again."

I exhaled cozy and loved. "Yeah." I breathed, "yeah it does." I answered back.

"Bren?" he breathed, "I love you." he said it sincerely, honestly and lovingly. Squeezing me to his side tightly.

I nodded once against his chest, my feelings overwhelming, "You know I love you too."

He kissed my head and hummed content. We both knew. This kind of love didn't happen everyday. We knew now.

In Dylan's arms I remained until I absolutely had to go home. If it wasn't a school night, I would have stayed over, not caring what my parents thought. But I did have Brandon's car and I should be on good behavior since Dylan was taking me someplace for the weekend for prom. I hated surprises, well not hated them really I liked them…just I liked to be in on them. For once instead of hounding Dylan for a clue as I got dressed I embraced the surprise. I looked forward to it. And after the two rounds of sex with Dylan FINALLY I felt happy and light. I was the only one that had been here…in this bed…with Dylan. He may have slept with Kelly a couple times but I knew I had Dylan. I had had Dylan for years. And hey…his confession and truth saved me from having to burn these disgusting sheets, well they weren't disgusting to me anymore happily. All was right in my world, and I was excited for the next part.

 _Ok so the continuation. Hope you enjoyed the steamy reunion! Don't worry I know some might be thinking…ooooh condomless sex but no Brenda isn't going to have a pregnancy scare or anything of that nature. Just connecting on a more intimate level is what occurred. To stick out from the norm…the past…etc. Hit review my people and keep an eye out on that one shot! Next up…PROM! The way it should have been!_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

 _ **Something In The Air**_

I closed my locker and leaned my right shoulder against it listening to Donna. Her voice almost on the verge of an anxiety attack. "You're coming right…after school to shop for prom dresses, right…you're coming?"

"Yeah." I shook my head with a chuckle, "What is with you?"

Donna sighed loudly and dramatically flung her back against the locker with a metal bang. "I'm losing it Bren…it's David."

"David?" I asked surprised, I mean Donna and David were the new perfect West Bev couple these days. I never even seen them argue.

She sighed again and turned towards me. She spoke quietly, "David…got a room for prom night."

My eyes widened…then I a slow smile spread across my lips, "Oh wow Don…I didn't know you had changed your mind about sleeping with David."

"I haven't…or maybe I have." She closed her eyes and whined, "I don't know what I want."

I moved quickly hugging my friend tightly, "It will be ok Donna…whatever you decide." I pulled back suddenly looking into her terrified big brown eyes, "Wait he isn't pressuring you is he?"

Donna lifted one shoulder with a single shrug, "I mean…not more than usual." I eyed her my eyebrows lifting, "No…no I meant not more than the usual way a guy does. You know what I mean right?" She looked at me nervously and I smiled.

I nodded, "I do." I reassured her. The small smile stuck to my lips as I remembered Dylan, a few years ago doing the same thing. It wasn't pressure pressure…it was heated make outs of hormonal hell until I stopped it from going further only to see Dylan's lustful eyes staring back at me, then disappointment, small curse words coming from his mouth as he adjusted his boner and blue balls. I laughed remembering and Donna stared at me hurt.

"Please don't laugh at me Brenda…this is a big deal."

"Oh honey I know it is. I'm not laughing at you. I was just remembering Dylan during that time, guilt trips and blue balls." Donna giggled shyly nodding, "Look whatever you decide is your decision and David is going to have to accept it. He loves you Donna."

"I think I'm ready." She continued to look into my eyes, "What's it like?" Her face nervous.

My eyes widened, "Uh…I don't know Donna…I'm sure it's different for everyone." I tried to get out of this question.

"No…I mean." She looked towards the hall making sure no one was listening, she leaned in a little and whispered, "Does it hurt?"

I took a deep breath, Was I the expert on this? She stared at me awaiting the answer. "A little." I shrugged. "I don't know Donna at first it does but it gets better…Dylan had done it before. He took his time and was gentle, it was amazing. David isn't going to know what he is doing, it's both your first time." I chuckled a little seeing her stance calm a little. "I can't imagine it will last too long." I laughed and Donna joined in too.

"That's true." We giggled lightening the mood as I felt the heat and tingles spread down my body. Dylan.

"What's so funny?" Dylan smiled down at me then his eyes went to Donna, she shook her head quickly.

"Nothing." We both said at the same time.

"I'll see you Bren, bye Dylan." Donna smiles at both of us and walks down the hall.

"Bye Donna." He said nicely. Dylan's eyes meet mine, curiosity peaking them intently. I shake my head as he continues to stare at me wanting to know what he walked in on. "I guess I look like Dr. Ruth. Donna was asking about sex…and prom night, I guess David got them a room."

Dylan smirked and nodded, "Ah explain no more." He held up his hand quickly not wanting to hear the rest. He moved fluidly his arms wrapping around my waist tightly. He spun me slowly and my back hit the lockers gently. He leans in and kisses me softly. "Speaking of Prom night. Have you asked your parents about the weekend of prom?"

I smiled, "They want to know where we are going. The it's a surprise didn't fly with them but yes…they said it was okay and that they trust me."

Dylan smiled, "I'll let them know where we are going but they shouldn't trust you." He said quietly as he kissed me again.

I giggled pulling away, "And why is that?"

"Because I plan on taking full advantage of the weekend. Having you alone all to myself. Your parents should be very very concerned."

"You sound like I'll be tied up all weekend long or something." I joked. But hey that didn't sound half bad.

Dylan chuckled and raises his eyebrows, "Well that's an idea." He leans in again kissing me more roughly. My hand went to his hair as I grabbed gently causing him to moan against my mouth. Things were getting heated as we heard a definite clear of the throat from beside us. We both slowed our kiss. My one eye opened seeing Brandon standing at the locker, his back against it waiting for us to come up for air. As we slowly pulled away, Dylan kept me close, his arms around me as he noticed it was my bother who interrupted us.

"Hey B." Dylan pulled me tightly against him, his chin resting on my head.

Brandon rolled his eyes and sighed, "Sorry to interrupt but I wanted to talk to you both about something."

I looked at my brother curiously, he was not himself, he seemed nervous. Fidgety almost. I leaned away from Dylan a little, "What is it?" I asked concerned.

"Um…" Brandon looked down. "Well…I was wondering if either of you…had a problem." Brandon's fingers ran through his hair as he looked to his feet. Then down the hall, anywhere but at us.

"Brandon just spit it out." I didn't mean to be rude, but he was annoying me as the late bell rang out.

"Would either of you guys be mad if I asked Kelly to prom?" Brandon said it so fast I almost bust out laughing. I found it hilarious then it occurred to me why he was asking us both. Dylan. My eyes looked up at him, my smile fading. A second past and Dylan began laughing. I looked at Brandon who looked confused and still anxious.

"I don't mind at all Bran…but Steve may. He asked me the same question during second period."

"He did did he?" I looked at Dylan. "Funny…I don't remember anyone asking me if it was okay if you asked Kelly out."

Dylan squeezed me into him, kissing my head, "Brenda…come on." he whispered.

I gave him a dirty look rolling my eyes yet kept myself against his side. I looked at Brandon, "No I don't care if you ask Kelly to prom, if you want to be seen with a two bit boyfriend stealing hoe that's all you."

Dylan looked at me his mouth dropping and Brandon looked disappointed. I rolled my eyes, "I was kidding geez you guys." I shook my head. Well sort of kidding.

Brandon took a sigh of relief, "Why Kelly though Bran…I think you should ask Andrea." I smiled at him wiggling my eyebrows.

Brandon smiled a little, "Bren…come on you know Andrea and I are just friends."

"As opposed to Kelly being more than a friend?" Brandon fidgeted nervously. "What's the difference?"

Dylan stayed silent but when I looked up at him, he had the tiniest hint of a smirk on his face. I wanted to smack it off but I kept control. So Kelly was still a sensitive subject. I tried to keep my bitterness to myself for the most part. But something told me Dylan wasn't obliged to knowing why Brandon might want to be Kelly's date. I assumed it was a sex thing...a guy thing and the thought made me roll my eyes.

Brandon looked down and sighed, "Come on Bren…I'm asking you because I know what she did to you. I'm not okay with it but…" Brandon shrugged a little, "You're back together with Dylan...I don't know I think maybe we'd have fun together. I mean she's pretty and she hinted around that she didn't have a date."

I stared at my brother, my mouth dropping a little, "You like her."

"What…No!"

"Oh my god…you totally like her. You want to kiss her and have sex with her and have babies with her." I joked as Dylan giggled behind me. Yes it was a short giggle. I'll be honest I didn't want to be Kelly's best friend, but I had tried to move past this crap. I honestly didn't care if my brother liked Kelly, but by the look on his face. All the teasing was well worth it.

"No…Bren…stop its not like that." He sighed loudly again.

I smiled at him, "I'm totally giving you a hard time. Ask her…feel free. You're single she's single. Why the hell not? But I do think you should reconsider Andrea. She has been in love with you for years Brandon. How poetic to go to the last dance of high school with her? I mean give it a chance." I enjoyed breaking my brothers balls a little.

"So…Chad Mancini has been in love with you for years…why aren't you going with him?"

I looked down clearing my throat as I hear a noise resembling a growl come from Dylan. "Over my dead body." he mumbles and almost as a instant reaction holds me to him closer.

Brandon laughs at him, clearly breaking his balls as well. "I'll think about it." He concludes.

"Now for Steve." He sighed. Bullshit…he already made up his mind on Kelly. I sighed disappointed. Poor Andrea. It wasn't really fair of me to assume, I had no idea if Andrea was dateless, but oh the possibilities with those two.

I watched my brother, he seemed nervous still, "Look Bran…Steve and Kelly are close friends but it's been over for some time. Just be honest with him. That's all you can do as a friend. I wish someone would have been honest with me." Dylan squeezed me into him again. I know he was trying and he was sorry. But it would be a long time before all was forgiven.

Dylan agreed with me on the honesty and wished him luck as we headed off to class. As I sat in English, I thought about my brother and Kelly. I always saw a small spark between them but it never seemed like they were more than just friends. I wondered if Kelly would say yes and I was also aware that if this was before the drama I would know her feelings towards my brother but Kelly and I were acquaintances now days at best. We were polite to one another and said hello every now and then but we didn't converse on a regular basis. We were the definition of frenemies. I then wondered if my brother was going to ask her today and if she would be accompanying Donna and I to search for prom dresses. I huffed. God I couldn't wait for high school to end. It seemed with prom going on everyone was feeling sentimental, talking about high school and how much everyone was going to miss it. I on the other hand felt ready to move on from this chapter of my life and move on from the fucked up memories this year has brought me. Senior year had been hell for me. My darkest hour to date and even though there was light now in that darkness, I was reminded everyday about that time. Having Dylan was amazing but he didn't take away the rough time I've had this year, he helped but it wasn't gone. I was over it and I was over the men in my life being gaga over Kelly Taylor. Even with me having Dylan back…she could still bite me.

I searched the rack almost forcibly. Guess who said yes to my brothers prom invitation and guess who was shopping with Donna and myself…yep Kelly. I kept to myself for the most part. Every now and then I'd peak a look at her selections making sure we didn't have another Spring Dance fiasco. Fuck that. Same dress same guy same dress again. God no. Kelly was surprisingly searching through selections I would never pick anyway. I found myself gravitating towards short sexy numbers when hers were more conservative, knee length and matronly. Maybe that was mean to say but it was true. I grabbed a black short lace one that was black and strapless. Then I looked up to find Donna coming out wearing a long tight mermaid style black lace strapless dress that she looked flawless in and I hung it back up right away. There was no competing with that small waist and tiny figure. Even her boobs looked exquisite. I sighed looking down at my B cups, not very big but at least they were perky. Donna hadn't told many people but she had her boobs done. Kelly and I knew but we didn't talk about it much and at this moment in time…they looked just as perfect as the rest of her. I signed feeling lacking some how with tiny Donna and most beautiful Kelly on Rodeo drive.

"What's wrong Bren?" Ugh go away Kelly.

I looked at her, "Sadly I'm feeling a little inadequate in the breast department right now, Donna looks phenomenal." I smiled watching Donna look at herself in the mirror. What an exciting time for her. The first time. I remembered how perfect I wanted the Spring Dance to be, the perfect dress, the perfect hair style, the perfect guy. The night exceeded my expectations. I hoped this night would be like that for Donna. I wanted it to be as perfect as mine was.

Kelly shook her head in awe, "She really does. What are you feeling inadequate for Brenda, you have an amazing body."

I looked at her surprised, "Yeah right." I snorted.

"What you do. You are tiny and petite and naturally thin, your chest is not inadequate what so ever, you have amazing eyes. Even with your short height your legs are long and lean. You have perfect cheek bones and facial structure…your stunning…you really are."

My mouth dropped and my eyes widened, What. The. Fuck. She continued, "Look at me, my eye lashes are non existent, I have no cheek bones, I'm as pale as a ghost, I have thunder thighs and my nose will never be right." I stare at her like she has five heads.

"Are you serious Kelly? Most girls at our school would kill to be you."

Kelly huffed out a laugh, "Please."

"And most guys would die to go out with you." I added.

Kelly playfully rolled her eyes, "Are you kidding me Brenda…you got two grand gesture prom proposals and have a dozen admirers. Not counting a very hunky Chad Mancini and equally handsome Dylan McKay fighting over you."

I stared at her, "I think you're forgetting that that said handsome Dylan McKay chose you over me to begin with."

"He did not." "Yes he did." We said at the same time. An argument brewing.

"Wait a second…this has got to stop." I shook my head.

"I know." She admitted. "I'm sorry." She sighed loudly.

"Look Kelly, I know we're not exactly best friends. I mean we barely put up with each other some days. But we have to stop this comparison. We are both strong attractive women. I don't know how and why this thing we have turned into a competition."

"I know…I don't know why either. It's like when something good happens to you, I want it too. I know I haven't told you this, but I'm so regretful and sorry about Dylan." She shrugged, "I knew how crazy you were about him and I also knew how much he loved you. I think I just liked the attention and I ruined one of the best friendships I've ever had."

I swallowed hard, "I know Kel." I took a deep breath. "Kelly." I breathed out, "You hurt me really bad and so did Dylan. We are still working through it. I know I haven't given you the chance to so the same. I can't promise it will ever be the same between us. But…I can promise to try to a little harder."

"That's all I ever wanted Brenda, to prove how sorry I am, how much I love you." I gave her a small smile. And a quick nod. We were not at that point of hugging and making up, And honestly we probably never would be but this jealousy we had for each other had to stop. It wasn't healthy and it wasn't doing anything for either of our self esteems.

"What do you guys think?" Donna held out her hands still wearing her black lace strapless gown.

"It's exquisite." I uttered with a smile.

"You look amazing Donna." Kelly answered as well.

"Now to find something fabulously sexy." I smiled at both girls.

"What do you guys think of this?" Kelly held up a short flowey white gown. It had beading around the bodice. "I was thinking more conservative yet elegant."

"I think my brother is going to love it." I smirked. I think it was time to break Kelly's balls too.

She blushed furiously and shook her head with a smile. Fuck they liked each other. It was written all over her face. Why did I have this nagging feeling college wasn't going to separate all of us, it was going to bring certain people closer.

"Oh Bren…what about this?" Kelly pulled a long red dress from the rack. She held it up. Spaghetti strap, tight, satin, super elegant.

I made a face and shook my head. "Sexy and fun…I've already did the black velvet, pearls, elegant look…is it bad I'm looking for something eye catching and well…hot?"

Donna and Kelly laughed and shook their head, "Like this?" Donna grabbed a silver shimmery short dress from the rack. I looked at it. It was definitely eye catching, sexy and fun. I smiled widely at her. Her eyebrow raised, "Dylan won't be able to keep his pants on." She winked and I blushed.

"I'm going to go try this on." Kelly said with a chuckle at that comment and went towards the dressing rooms.

I reached for the dress and looked at it. It was pretty perfect. Very unlike me yet sophisticated and pretty. I looked back at Donna and breathed out with a smile. "Talk about not being able to keep his pants on…Donna…what are you planning to do to our poor David. You should at least try to make it possible for the guy to last during the dance." Donna giggled and blushed and I looked back at the shimmery silver dress.

After trying it on I decided to buy it. High school was over. I had already had the perfect prom night and this night I was looking forward to having some fun but it could be a night like the Spring Dance too. Letting loose, dancing the night away and spending the weekend with my number one guy. I was excited for prom night. Who said Donna was the only one allowed to have the perfect night. I had my guy back. He was doting and sweet and crazy about me. All seemed to be right in my world. This year had been dark for me…this dress screamed light and this year my teardrops burned holes in the horizon, I had lost my desire to shine…not anymore. The truth is…Stars can't shine without darkness. Donna losing her virginity to David on prom night, Kelly and Brandon testing the waters to a possible more than friends relationship, Going to the prom with the love of my life, my high school sweetheart and spending the weekend alone with him…something was definitely in the air and it smelled sweet!

 _Ok so next up…actual prom. The title of this Something in the Air is taken from the episode after prom (Donna Martin graduates). I moved it ahead and A night to remember will be next. I hope you are enjoying this season 3 rewrite. I sure am. Please review and thank you for all the kind messages and reviews to my situation. I'm doing fine. What's meant to be will be. I however have had Luke so on the brain the last day that I'm enjoying updating these stories. Even though its been hard to write and maybe hard for you read, I hope it's bringing a little shine into your day. Not sure if you guys caught it, but the quote at the end the one about Brenda's tears burning the horizon is from the story's description, I thought it fit there nicely. Love you guys! I anticipate about 4 more chapters in this story. Prom…graduation…college plans and future…and a epilogue. Thanks for sticking with me._


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

 _ **A Night To Remember**_

I lay against Dylan's chest feeling the subtle beat of his heart. My fingers absently drifting over his upper body and stomach. His bare chest felt warm and chiseled. I closed my eyes feeling his fingers run through my hair, down my back and up my side. Not forgetting to linger a soft caress over my exposed side boob in true Dylan McKay fashion. Dylan hummed content and I smiled against his chest.

"You know…I haven't pushed for details about this weekend but…you know I think I should know now. I mean it's hours until prom." I sat up a little taking Dylan's sheet and covering my breasts. I looked at him. "I have to get home to get ready and I have no idea what to pack or anything of that nature." I slightly pouted. I had waited a week and half with this surprise never pushing, never asking. I mean hell prom was in a few hours. Couldn't I know now what his plans were?

Dylan sat up, the sheet dropped lower giving me a delicious shot of his heavenly V and pubic hair. His softened worked penis, long and resting against his leg. I licked my lips staring until Dylan chuckled and moved closer to me. His lips opened up sexually around mine as he kissed me slowly.

"What are you looking at?" He teased knowing what I was looking at.

I looked into his eyes with a smirk, "Don't change the subject. Where are we going?"

He smiled and sighed giving in, "Nob hill…The Fremont hotel…2 nights and three days in San Fransisco. I have a meeting with a professor there on Sunday and I set up a tour for us to see the campus." He shrugged cutely. "I figured why not make a weekend of it. We could ride the cable cars, eat in china town…eat breakfast in bed…hell eat lunch in bed…dinner in bed? What do you say?" His smile was sexy as all hell.

I smiled widely, "I say hell yes!" I giggled and hugged him tightly. I heard him chuckle as he held me.

He sweetly kissed my head. "I know we haven't decided on anything but I feel like it may help our college discussion if you have at least seen San Fran. Plus…there is nothing more I want then to spend the weekend alone with you. Whether we decide on Berkeley or not…it will be romantic and fun. A good way to reconnect and celebrate the end of high school and to say goodbye to such a tough year for both of us."

I leaned out but kept my arms lazily around his neck, "I think that it's a great idea."

"Yeah?" He said quietly kissing me again. "Me too." The next kiss was longer and more passionate he pulled away and licked his lips as I stared at them. "I went by your dads before school today to pick up our plane tickets and some extra cash for the weekend. He thought it was a good idea to visit campus and see San Fransisco and I was pleasantly surprised when he told me you hit him up for the application fee. So you actually applied?"

I smiled, "I told you I would."

Dylan looked down, "I know." He exhaled sadly.

"What?" I asked seeing he had something on his mind.

He shrugged cutely, "I just know theater interests you. I just hope if you love San Francisco as much as I do…you choose for their theater department and I'm not holding you back on New York."

I smiled, "Well…nothing is decided yet." I joked and he playfully rolled his eyes agreeing. "But the truth is Dylan I can act anywhere. Especially to get some experience and training started. My heart isn't set on New York." I shrugged a little, "So my mind is wide open to the possibilities of each school to be honest." I was telling the truth. New York seemed like somewhere I should be after I train. It also seemed far away from home. When I first applied I wanted to get as far from Dylan and Kelly as possible. Now it didn't seem so necessary. San Francisco was a quick flight home for holidays and to visit my family. My thoughts went blank as I felt Dylan feel me up. I moaned a little as he kissed my neck.

"So prom…I say we try to get out of there as early as possible. I booked the last flight out of LAX." He murmured into my neck. "But…we could always come back here after the dance before heading to the airport." I moaned agreeing.

I breathed out, "Dylan…I should go." Fuck he felt good.

"Not yet." He breathed and then his lips were roughly on mine. His hard chest against mine pushing me to my back. "I can't get enough of you."

I knew how he was feeling. I don't think me or Dylan had ever had so much sex before in our relationship. What can I say that week of still using condoms during the wait for those birth control pills to kick in phase was done today, and we hadn't left this bed since school ended. And we had a half day to boot, teachers development day or something like that. I looked at my watch.

"Shit." I pushed him off, "I got to get ready." I got up quickly leaving him with a frustrated groan. I pulled my panties and jeans up with the quickness and looked around for my bra. He dangled it on his index finger with a smirk. I reached for it just to have him pull it away quickly.

"Come on Dylan." I whined, "I need to go home, primp and get pretty for you for tonight. It's almost 5 I'll never be ready on time."

He rolled his eyes, "Brenda…you could be wearing a paper bag and you would look pretty to me. Prom doesn't start for 3 hours. Get your sexy ass back in this bed."

I smiled and shook my head, "No were suppose to be at Mel's remember?" I quickly reached and pulled my black lace bra from his hands. He grunted disappointed.

I laughed lightly at his face while I finished getting dressed. "Come here." I directed him for a kiss.

He shook his head and stood. Boner and all, Dylan stood before me. My eyes raised it meet his eyes with a smirk, "Better put your gun away McKay…you won't be needed it for awhile."

He laughed out loud and pulled me into him for a sweet hot kiss. I turned to leave and he smacked my ass making me jump.

"I'll meet you in an hour and half." He yelled after me.

"K." I hollered out as I grabbed my keys and purse to head home.

I stared at myself in my full length mirror and took a deep breath. I made it, I was ready and with minutes to spare. Dylan should be here any minute. Brandon was meeting Kelly at her house along with Andrea and Jordan. The guy she had been seeing from Crenshaw for the last 6 months. I guess it was wrong of me to assume Andrea didn't have a date. From the sound of it she had her date before any of us did. They were also both applying to Yale and it sounded like they had a lot in common. I was happy for her. David and Donna were meeting us at Mel's and that left Dylan and myself riding over in his car. He offered to get us a limo also but the truth was it was easier for us to bail out without effecting any of the group and we could keep our luggage in there and head over to the airport or back to Dylan's whatever time allowed. I turned towards my door as a knock rang out.

I smiled at my mom and dad as they peaked their head in.

"Wow…honey you look beautiful." My dad gleamed.

"Thanks dad." I smiled as each of them came in and gave me hugs.

"Is Dylan here?" I asked surprised if he wasn't yet.

"Yes…he is taking your suitcase to the car."

My mom and dad smiled at me…staying quiet for so long I questioned them, "What?" I smile back.

My dad took a deep breath and my mom just smiled, "Prom." He breathed.

My mom intercepted, "I just can't believe my babies are going to their senior prom. Soon it will be graduation and then college. It all just goes by so fast." She finished feeling sentimental.

I smiled at them, "I know mom." I walk over and hug both of them tightly again.

"We love you Brenda." My dad whispers.

"I love you too." I answer back.

"I know this has been a hard year for you honey. I'm just happy that things seem to be settling down and I feel you are more you." My dad said with a small smile. "I'm glad you're going to prom with Dylan honey. Prom will be something you always remember. Dylan will make that even more memorable."

"We thought we lost you Brenda." My mom said with tears in her eyes. I just looked at them shocked. I hadn't thought they noticed my pain.

"I got a little lost but I'm slowly finding myself again." I reassured them.

"You're okay then?" My dad asked, his eyes glassy which made me a little emotional. "You're happy with Dylan?"

I smiled and took a deep breath, "I am dad."

"Good." He finally gave me a smile that reached his eyes and pulled me into a hug again. I heard him sigh against my hair.

When we let go I hear the front door and I assume Dylan has made his way back into the foyer.

"Have fun in San Fransisco…and please be safe." My mom said happily.

"I will mom." I reassure her.

"You two better get going…prom awaits." My dad says and all three of us make it down stairs where my mom takes a roll of pictures of the two of us. It was prom and I had the most handsome guy in the world on my arm. The feeling I was having felt almost foreign but it wasn't long before I understood what it was…it was happiness.

I giggled as I made it through the front door of Mel's condo. Dylan whispering profane and sexy things into my ear as we made our way in. The group and their chorus of hello's rang out as we stepped down into his living area. I noticed right away Kelly and Brandon and David and Donna standing around a little bar, all of them drinking champagne. It surprised me because during this past week at school…they had drilled into us over and over that drinking and prom did not go together. They also specified there would be serious repercussions if anyone was caught drunk.

"Well…well what do we have here?" Me and Dylan walked over the table bar and looked at the 4 of them.

"You guys want some champagne?" David reached for the bottle and looked at us.

"I'm good." Dylan said, proud of his sobriety and I looked up at his eyes proud too. He winked at me and gave me a half smile, "Knock yourself out." He gave me permission to indulge. Not like Dylan would have expected me too it was just a polite thing to do knowing Dylan had struggled for so long with alcohol. He seemed at peace and calm, so I did just that indulged.

I shrugged one shoulder, "What the hell right?" And reached for the glass David had poured me.

Steve had made his way over and reached for the bottle, topping both his and Celeste glasses off. He held it out, "To us and our senior prom."

"Cheers." The clinking of glasses dinged eloquently.

"I don't think I even like Champagne." Brandon commented as he took another sip. "Maybe I do." We all chuckled as he sipped again, "No…no I don't like champagne after all." He made a face which caused us all to laugh.

"I do…I love champagne." Brandon smiled handing over his glass to Donna.

"Go for it." Donna drank it eagerly. I had never really seen Donna drink much, it was kind of funny. Guess all it took was some Dom Perignon to let Donna let loose a little. She was a classy teenager apparently. I had never had Dom before. I wasn't going to lie it was delicious.

I held my glass and walked with Dylan over to the table that had a spread of Hors D'oeuvres. Mel had gone all out which was really nice. I was starving.

Dylan and I helped ourselves, "I have to admit…Mel is pretty ballsey serving us champagne after what the school said." I said to Dylan as I finished my glass off.

"At least someone is being reasonable. I mean it's not something I personally would partake in but…I don't see what the big deal is, as long as people are safe and not driving…or overdoing it."

I nodded. He had a point. But also it wasn't that weird the school didn't want students underage drinking. At that moment Andrea came over and we talked to her and Jordan for a while until we heard David.

"I hate to kick everyone out but we should probably get going." We all agreed and headed for the door. Mel came out camera in hand and stopped us.

"Just a second guys…get together."

"Let's hear it for the class of 93." Brandon called out as the group wooed.

We all squeezed by each other and posed. I felt Dylan hold me close to him, his hand around my waist on my lower hip, he kissed my temple as we heard the shutter click.

"Bye Mel…Thank you." We all called out as we left the condo.

The ride over to the BelAge was quick as we followed the limos. We got out of Dylan's Porsche and as he came around the passenger side he grabbed my hand. We looked at each other and smiled. God it was prom and I had Dylan back this was truly going to be a Night to remember.

Light bulbs flashed as we made our way in. I did notice Brandon and Kelly were holding hands and I quickly wondered what was happening with them. As we arrived at our table, we noticed party favors.

"Oh how cute." Kelly picked up the disposable camera and snapped a picture with a laugh at Brandon. He laughed and grabbed it playfully from her and held it out of her reach. Flirt much…interesting.

"One plus one is three unless you use this, love the math club." David opened up what looked like a match book but instead revealed a condom.

"Pretty sexy for the math club." Andrea joked.

"That will come in handy for us tonight." Donna sang song and playfully elbowed David in the stomach.

"Shhh." David whispered and I chucked looking at Dylan with a raised eyebrow. I think we were the only ones that caught it.

He held up the condom made a face and tossed it on the table. I knew what he was saying, like we needed it. I love birth control. He grabbed me and pulled me onto the dance floor. I giggled as he spun me around and held me close, even though Cathy Dennis was singing Why a fast song. He looked into my eyes getting more serious, "You look so incredible tonight."

I smiled shyly, "Thank you."

He took a deep breath, "Is it time to leave yet?" He joked.

I laughed, "Dylan we just got here."

He pouted and looked dangerously sexy. I kissed his pouty lips making him smile. Our foreheads pressed together, our lips grazing each others lightly. I was at Prom with Dylan. I felt free and alive for once in a long long time. I giggled as Dylan spun me around, being silly and looking as free as I felt. He didn't know this but I had been seeing a psychiatrist. Her name was Annie and the school counselor set it all up. Not even my parents knew. Being with Dylan again had been amazing but I knew that the dark place I had been in was not a good place and it wasn't gone completely. I also remembered in that darkness the feeling of hopelessness and insecurity buried me within. Dylan no Dylan it was still there. Dylan was all over me, he was sweet and attentive but every once in a while at school, at the movies, I would notice girls looking at him or he would innocently talk to Kelly in between classes or at the pit. Harmless stuff but deep in my gut, I felt that insecurity. I wanted to trust him and I wanted to feel secure in our relationship, Annie was helping me and I had planned on telling him tonight. Later when we were alone. I knew Dylan wouldn't judge me I was just a little embarrassed. I looked at his smile as he moved to the music. Grinding up close to me, he slapped his hand against Steve's and let go with a snap and something I completely missed and then his eyes were on mine. His arms circled around my waist tightly after he spun me. I looked towards Donna she was acting wild.

"Well it looks like Donna is ready for just about anything." Steve said with a laugh. Her arms came up as she shook her ass, throwing them around David as they ground against each other.

Dylan leaned in with a smirk on his face, "Guess those party favors might come in handy tonight for them after all." He whispered. Then we saw Donna lose her balance as David grabbed her righting her.

I looked at Dylan as he looked at me, "How much did she have to drink you guys?" Dylan said to the group. His arm tightly around my waist. I shrugged with a smile as I saw Donna kiss David roughly.

"She just had a glass of champagne in the limo." Steve said as he danced close to Celeste.

"It must have been a big glass." Dylan laughed as we watched Donna.

She threw her arms around David again, "Let's go upstairs." David was struggling with holding her up and looking at us semi embarrassed.

"Donna…we haven't even ate yet."

"Hey who cares about food…we have a king size bed." I heard Dylan chuckle hearing it. Steve's smile was huge as he watched. I could practically read everyone's mind. David was getting laid tonight.

Donna wasn't a make out in public kind of girl. I noticed the group carry on with their dates and then I felt Dylan pull me in closer. He kissed my neck and I closed my eyes breathing out. When I opened them I saw Donna lick David's chin as he tried to hold her up and moved away from her overly aggressive attempt to make out with him.

Dylan must have sensed my worrying cause he pulled me closer and kissed my lips softly. "She'll be ok." He whispered. "Want to go get our picture taken?" I looked into his eyes. They showed lust, love and sweetness in them. I smiled forgetting about Donna.

I nodded and kissed him roughly. Donna may not have been a girl who makes out in public but I was. We saw David take Donna outside and Dylan and I pawed each other all the way to the photographer.

I kissed Dylan hard as I sat in front of him, the photographer cleared his throat. We separated and I felt Dylan lean his face against mine. We posed sweetly.

"Smile love birds…maybe someday you'll be showing this to your grand kids."

We both laughed and Dylan cuddled closer to me, "I love you so much." Dylan whispered softly in my ear. I looked at him, his eyes burning mine. I got lost in them. Light warm brown eyes staring into my soul. God I loved him so much too. That's when the flash practically blinded us.

"Perfect" the camera guy smiled.

"I wasn't even looking at the camera." I chuckled.

The guy looked at us giving us a warm smile. "That's the one. That's the one you'll show your kids." He winked at us and went to reload.

Dylan helped me up taking my hand quietly. He didn't say anything but I noticed the small smirk he had on his lips. I recognized it instantly because I had the same one as he led me back to the dance floor. High school was ending but this relationship felt like it was just beginning.

Cathy Dennis sang Moments of love as Dylan held me close. I looked to the right, I saw Brandon actually dancing with Kelly. They talked closely, Kelly smiling brightly, hanging on every word that he said. I'd have to get some info from my brother later. They looked more than friendly.

"We should leave right now. Catch an early flight to San Fran. We can wake up, have breakfast in bed after making love all night." My attention went to Dylan. He looked at me lustfully and I smiled, leaning in to kiss him softly. A possible romance of Kelly and Brandon forgotten. I kissed him eagerly. As I leaned out I noticed the playful horny sexy look Dylan had turn serious as he swayed me to the music.

"What?" I whispered. He looked down and swallowed hard.

"I know this has been a really tough year for you."

I slowly nodded, "Yeah…the toughest." I admitted.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered heartfelt. Emotion caught in his throat. "I should have been there for you more. In the beginning." He shook his head pained, "I never meant to hurt you."

My hand caressed his cheek, "I know." I whispered back. "You've had a tough year too. Losing your dad." Dylan nodded agreeing. "I hope its the worst you ever know." I said truthfully.

His head tilted to the side touched, "I hope its the worst we both ever know." He smiled a light smile at me. I leaned in and kissed him softly. His tongue danced with mine gently. His head resting sweetly on my forehead, our eyes closed we listened to the lyrics Cathy Dennis sang so eloquently.

 _When, I look back, over time_

 _All the million days of my life_

 _I remember the moments of love_

 _Here with you_

 _By my side_

 _There's no other love to compare_

"It's weird." I paused and looked into his eyes. "It feels like this is the end, like everyone is going their separate ways." There was a feeling of the end of high school tonight. I couldn't stop thinking that way. I thought about the last three years at West beverly. The fun, the amazing and the horrible times. It's just felt like it was coming to an end, the future blurry and unknown.

Dylan shrugged cutely, "I think that's what's suppose to happen. But not with us. It feels that way but definitely not with us."

I shook my head slowly, "No…not with us." I whispered. "You know…I don't know what's going to happen but I know I'll never get over you."

He smiled that sexy smile only Dylan had he looked down then meeting my eyes again his eyes sincere his expression serious., "Yeah…yeah me too." He reached up tenderly and pushed my curls out of my face. "I love you Bren, you are the only woman I've ever loved, I don't want to ever have to get over you."

I leaned in closer. Tightening my arms around his neck, them overlapping now. I felt his embrace around my waist tighten as he hugged me. I nodded against the side of his face. "I love you too…forever." I whispered into his ear. He swayed me slowly to the song. His head resting lovingly against mine.

 _I'll remember the moments of love_

 _All the million days in my life_

 _I'll remember the moments of love._

Prom had been an amazing night so far. I was looking forward to getting out of here as much as Dylan was. Being alone with him, the whole weekend. Looking at our potential new college together. It was all happening. No matter where Dylan and I decided to go to college. We'd be together and that gave me peace.

Dylan and Brandon had disappeared claiming they wanted to get some air. I sat at the table quietly thinking next to Steve. I looked to the right feeling someone slide into the empty seat next to me. Chad smiled his gorgeous dimpled smile at me.

"Hey Brenda." He looked so handsome. His black eye lightened now, barely noticeable.

"Hey Chad. Are you having a good time?" I turned my body so it was facing him.

"I am actually. Shelly asked me to prom." He shrugged a little, "I think she felt sorry for me." He leaned in joking and I laughed a little.

"I'm sure that's not true. You're a catch, she is lucky to have you." He was lucky to have her too. I really liked Shelly. It took a little while from that bitchy look in the restroom, but getting to know her she was nothing like I had expected.

Silence reigned over us. "Where's Dylan?" He looked shyly from one way to the other before his eyes caught mine.

"Um…he went to get some air with Brandon." I said instantly feeling guilty.

He smiled and huffed out feeling dumb for the nervousness, "You want to dance Brenda?" He rushed out. It was obvious that was what he wanted to ask me as soon as he came over. Not sure where the uncertainty and shyness came from.

I smiled at him genuinely and reached taking his hand. He squeezed it back, "I would love too."

He nodded helping me up and led me to the dance floor.

I looked into his eyes keeping a respectful distance between our bodies. "You look really pretty tonight." Chad said sweetly.

I nudged him playfully, "Thank you. You look sort of pretty too." I joked and he laughed out loud.

"Are you happy?" Chad's face serious. "Does Dylan make you happy?"

I paused and looked into Chads bright eyes, wide and comforting. I smiled, "Yeah…Dylan has been good to me, he's really trying. I am happy. Seems foreign though this happiness. It's been awhile."

He smiled at me as he swayed me slowly. "That's all I want for you. You deserve it you know?"

He made me smile wider, man he was so amazing. "How are you doing? You seem to be moving around a lot better than the last I saw you." I joked and he chuckled.

He nodded slowly and looked into my eyes, "I'm pretty fantastic. Actually never in the history of man kind has a guy that recently got the crap beat out of him as badly as I did feel as fantastic as I do…at this moment in time...dancing with you."

I blushed and looked down as he turned me slightly to the music. "I feel pretty fantastic too."

Now it was Chad's turn to blush. Silence moved over us as we swayed to the music. Chad holding my right hand tightly against his chest.

"You're a hard girl to get over Brenda Walsh. But I'm glad we became friends."

I smiled, "Well…you're definitely a hard guy to turn down and I'm so happy we've became friends too. I'll never forget what you have done for me."

Chad took a deep breath and sighed with a smirk, "I mean it Brenda…you deserve all the happiness in the world. I'll get over you…someday." He smiled a warm infectious smile at me.

"Yeah…yeah me too." I uttered truthfully. Chad had made such an impression on me in such a short amount of time. I did like him. I liked him a lot. I'd get over him too…someday.

Chad pulled me to him as I rested my head on his hard chest. He was tall and I felt safe and feminine in his arms. We danced the rest of the song in silence. Dylan helped me come back from the darkness but Chad held my hand in that darkness when I was having trouble finding my way. I would never forget him.

DPOV

I sipped my coke as I watched Brenda and Chad dance. It was innocent and I knew this. I trusted Brenda and I knew there wasn't anything more than friendship and warm feelings towards Chad but it didn't take away the jealousy of knowing he helped her somehow in all this turmoil. Brenda never had came right out and said she liked Chad, but I knew she did. I also knew Brenda was crazy about me. She loved me as much as I loved her and this was a new beginning for us. Brandon bumped his shoulder against mine as I watched them.

"You're not going to go break the rest of his ribs are you?" Brandon joked.

I smiled with a sigh and shook my head, "No…not this time."

"You ok bro?" Brandon looked at me hesitantly.

At that moment Brenda looked at me from across the room. Chad held her swaying her to the beat, her eyes burning through me. She smiled at me in which I returned warmly.

"Yeah man." I exhaled and tore my eyes away from Brenda to look at Brandon. "Yeah…I'm great."

Brandon smirked and clasped his hand on my shoulder with a nod before returning to the group. My eyes found Brenda's again and thats where they stayed as they finished their dance.

I waited for Brenda to get out of the bathroom. Brandon, David and myself waited patiently for the girls. It seems Donna was a lot more drunk than we knew. She had just spent an hour throwing up, drinking coffee and hiding out in the restroom. I brought my pocket watch out to look at the time. Brenda and I had to get out of here. We didn't have time to go to my house and if we didn't leave in the next 15 minutes to head to the airport we might miss our flight entirely. Supposedly Donna had sobered up a little and David had planned to take Donna upstairs so she could sleep it off. I felt sorry for the poor guy. It didn't look like he was getting laid after all. The bathroom door finally opened and Brenda and Kelly led Donna out. She hugged David tightly and whispered "sorry" to him. He nodded against her head and kissed it softly. David was a good guy.

"I got this guys thank you." He reassured us he could handle getting Donna upstairs. She was walking better at least.

I took Brenda's hand, "We got to get out of here is we want to make our flight?" She swallowed hard looking at Donna, then Kelly. She was torn feeling like she was abandoning Donna in her time of need.

"Go Bren…I got this. Don't miss your flight." Kelly said as she smiled at her.

Brenda took a deep breath, "Ok." She nodded she held my hand but leaned into Donna. She gave her a gentle squeeze. "Have fun Bren." Donna mumbled. She was wasted still. Jesus.

"Love you guys…be safe." Brenda moved towards me speaking to the group.

Everyone nodded and smiled at us then looked to Donna concerned. They really needed to get her out of the lobby and up to her room before someone sees her. We said our goodbyes and Brenda and I headed hand and hand to my car. I remembered Brenda looking back one last time at the group huddled around Donna before her eyes met mine.

Brenda and I had made it to the airport on time, we were able to check in and actually had time to change in the airport bathrooms to more suitable travel attire. I didn't relax until we were sitting on that plane. As we taxied off I took her hand in mine and stared into her eyes. I gave her a small smile in which she returned warmly.

"Thank you." I uttered softly. Leaning close to her, my forehead against hers.

"For what?" She whispered back.

"For choosing me…for letting me back in." I leaned out and reached up moving her curls behind her ear. "For an amazing prom…again."

She smiled, "It's not over yet." She teased resting her hand on my thigh, giving it a tender squeeze. I smiled like an idiot as I moved my arm around her shoulders, pulling her into me. She rested her head on my chest and sighed.

"Dylan?" She spoke quietly.

"Hm?" I murmured kissing her head gently holding her close to me.

"Thank you for choosing me too."

I exhaled feeling badly and kissed her head again. I rested mine against hers.

"I choose you, in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality. I'd find you and I'd choose you." I quoted a part of my manuscript. She nuzzled against me with a satisfied hum. This was the best Prom. Was it better than the Spring Dance…maybe. There was something about this Prom that felt just so perfect. And Brenda was right…it wasn't even over yet…our weekend together was JUST beginning. This was going to be an amazing weekend.

 _So Prom…the way it should be. Next up…Donna Martin graduates. Dylan and Brenda might have missed the drama but it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Also some flashbacks of San Francisco :) Hit review beautiful people!_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17**_

 _ **UC Berkeley**_

I smiled as I kissed Brenda's face. We had arrived in San Francisco late last night. All we did really was take a taxi to our hotel, we didn't get to see anything but I did have the day planned for her today. My goal was to make Brenda fall in love with Berkeley. We had a tour of campus and I was meeting with a professor, secretly I had set up a meeting with the theater department as well so Brenda can hear about that while I was chatting with Katie Schramm, the undergraduate Major and Minor Adviser of the English department. She was a friend of Gill Myers and she was going to introduce me around and to Professor Abel. Brenda hummed moving slightly but didn't open her eyes. I kissed her face again.

"It's time to wake up sleeping beauty." I whispered into her ear.

"Uh uh." She moved to her side away from me, her naked bottom hit my morning wood and I inwardly moaned. Yes we needed to wake up, we had two and half hours to have sex, order breakfast and head to campus. Yes that was my morning plan, preferably in that order and I needed that whole entire time. It wasn't everyday Brenda woke up in my arms. Actually it was a never, except in Baja and that was a while ago. Naked and warm, she smelled like coconut, I buried my face in her hair and inhaled her, my arms wrapping around her mid section tighter.

"Baby." I whispered rubbing my dick in between her ass cheeks. My hand wandered across her taut stomach and I felt her sigh happily. My hand wondered up to her breast, her head leaning back to me allowing me to feast on her neck. "Mmmmm." I moaned, "I could get used to this." I whispered.

She felt so amazing up against me. Waking up like this was becoming my new favorite thing. I thought about college and doing this everyday. Right then I decided I didn't care where Brenda wanted to go to school. Berkeley, New York, even CU as long as I got to be with her like this…it didn't matter what city we were in.

She moaned then rubbed her backside against my erection again, I pinched her nipple in between my fingers and she jumped. "Owe." She yelped and I laughed pulling her so she was facing me. Not that I didn't like rubbing myself against her ass, I loved the front of her even more.

"Good morning." I breathed and kissed her softly.

"Morning." She whispered against my lips. My arms were around her tightly as I looked at her. Her hair was wild from her curls and framed her gorgeous face. Her eyes were still closed. Not a stitch of makeup on her face, god she was pretty.

"You are so beautiful." I whispered more to myself but I was aware I said it out loud when her eyes opened. She smirked and kissed me again. This time my hand roamed and found home in between her legs. She looked into my eyes as I played with her. Her hand coming to my face tenderly. Then her eyes closed as she moaned out and pushed herself into my hand. Maybe waking up naked next to Brenda was my new favorite thing, but this beat it, oh yeah this beat that BIG TIME.

Last night when we finally got to the hotel after prom. We fucked hard and quick not being able to control ourselves. I mean, shit high school was ending, we went to prom, we were back together and we were away for the weekend. I had trouble containing myself in the cab over here. So when we finally got to our room, our clothes were discarded with quickness and I was plunging into her minutes later. Right now…I wanted to cherish her, make love to her and show her exactly how good we were together. Also every time I was with her it made me realize just how much I had missed her. Those 5 months were the longest and loneliest months of my life. I realized because when I'm with her I felt complete and it took me being without her for a little while to realize it. When I pushed into my girl, no barrier thanks to Ortho Tri-Cyclen. It was bliss. Rocking into her slowly, watching her face in pleasure, feeling the tightness and warmth of her around me there is nothing like it. With Brenda I had a lot of realizations this prom weekend and it occurred to me it wasn't one in particular thing that was my new favorite. Brenda was my favorite plain and simple.

One hour down. So far so good. Brenda was in the shower and even though I was so tempted to stay in there with her, I knew I couldn't. After today we still had another day to sight see and have every meal in bed but today we had a college to see since they had moved our tour from Sunday to Saturday and even though it was difficult, I had to leave naked Brenda in the shower after I rinsed off so I could order our breakfast. It came quickly thankfully and soon Brenda was sitting in the hotel robe, her hair now straight and wet hanging down her shoulder as we enjoyed our food. I had ordered the fruit, granola and yogurt for Bren and I had black coffee and two eggs over medium with toast. We eye fucked each other through breakfast and Brenda shamelessly ate her yogurt licking the spoon a little too enthusiastically to be done not on purpose. I had to adjust myself three times during breakfast and that little vixen knew exactly what she was doing. I sipped my coffee and watched her face turn serious.

"What's up?" I asked knowing right away the mood went from playful and horny to serious.

She shrugged one shoulder and looked down. I moved into the seat next to her. My hand came up and pushed her wet hair from her face, "What is it?" I asked nervously. Things had been so playful and sexy and fun this morning, I wasn't sure what changed.

"I've been meaning to tell you…I just haven't had a chance with prom and getting here." She paused and I waited for her to continue. I played with the ends of her hair and watched her.

"I'm really happy Dylan." She looked at me. Her eyes sparking, there was the sparkle I had missed these past few months.

I nod once, "I'm happy too." I reassure her as I grab her hand in mine.

"I've been seeing a psychologist named Annie. Mrs. Hardy, the school counselor, she set it up. She is trying to help me work through some of this stuff." Her free hand waved to her head. She sighed and I squeezed her hand, "No one knows. Not Brandon, not my parents…I guess just you now. I know you wouldn't judge me, its just kind of embarrassing, like why do I feel the way I do? Why when you talk to Kelly or a random girl from your math class do I feel insecure?" She looked at me, tears threatening to break loose.

"Oh baby." I pulled her into me. I hugged her to me tightly. "I would never judge you and it's not embarrassing. Don't ever feel embarrassed with me Bren. I'm here for you but I know for a while I wasn't and I'm so sorry about that. If Annie is helping you sort out everything then I'm happy you have her, don't ever feel you can't share this stuff with me, I'm always here just like you've always been there for me."

She nodded against me. "You don't have to worry about Kelly or any other girl Brenda." She pulled away and looked into my eyes, I smiled, "I'm seriously crazy about you, I mean whipped beyond belief." She laughs lightly, "I'm not going to do anything to screw this up. No girl holds a candle to you and I know now what it's like without you. I know words can't make the insecurity go away…but Brenda I'll prove to you, you can trust me. If it's the last thing I do. I'm not afraid of this anymore. The feelings I have aren't scary anymore. They are real and deep and intense and I like it. I like feeling this way. Don't you?"

She wiped her tear quickly and nodded, "I do." I kissed her then. Gently, softly, slowly. "I love you." She said in between kisses.

I then looked into her eyes, the windows of her soul and told the truth, "I love you too."

I gripped Brenda's hand tightly, "Fuck this campus is big." She said out of breath as we tried to meet the tour at Sproul Hall. So my timing was off, it was suppose to be, sex, breakfast, tour…it turned into sex, shower, breakfast, sex again now we were practically running to make the tour. Sproul is a place to get registration paperwork done and a very common spot to meet for protests and it happened to be where the tour began. Brenda got a kick out of that fun fact. We walk really fast and meet the group which consists of kids our age. It's started already but we only get a quick glance before the tour guide carries on.

"The University of California, Berkeley is a public research university in Berkeley, California. It was founded in 1868 and serves as the flagship institution of the ten research universities affiliated with the University of California system. Berkeley has since grown to instruct over 40,000 students in approximately 350 undergraduate and graduate degree programs covering numerous disciplines. Also UC Berkeley has been the school behind 17 Nobel prize winners and has discovered 6 elements of the periodic table." The tour guide said proudly. I squeezed Brenda's hand. Her eyes met mine. She liked it here already…I could tell.

First they take us to the Doe library, which is the main UC Berkeley library on campus. It was absolutely gorgeous. It housed high ceilings and big windows and won a architecture competition in 1900 for its design. Then they took us to the Pimental hall. It was a circular lecture hall with a revolving stage. I watched Brenda's face as the teachers stage turned around with screens for presentations and chalk boards. Man it would be cool to be in this hall during a lecture. I mean maybe not easy to pay attention to anything with that distraction but the revolving stage but still pretty cool. The tour brought us to the Valley Life Sciences Building, or called VLSB if you were a student. It was explained it was the largest building on campus and housed the paleontology museum and many of the biology labs. Berkeley was big in the sciences, huge actually. Probably the number one reason to go here. The building was spectacular in size and just as beautiful as the campus itself. Me and Bren knew with our majors we wouldn't be spending much time in there. As we continued the tour Brenda and I held hands as we walked around listening to the tour guide Billy I think was his name. We looked up to hear the clock bells and there to the right was the Sather Tower or the clock tower, it was beautiful.

"God that's lovely, it looks like it belongs in Europe or something." Brenda breathed as she looked up at it.

"Yeah." I breathed, this campus was one of the most beautiful campus's in the country. It was known.

As the tour brought us in the tower and up it we looked out over the city. This tower had to have had the best view in the city. It was truly amazing. It was nature and beauty in the middle of a huge city. "You like it here Bren?" I asked curiously.

She looked at me and smiled, "I do…very much. You?"

"I've always wanted to go here." Brenda nodded.

"Look at the bay." She pointed the Golden Gate bridge in the distance. I leaned my cheek against hers holding her from behind. "It's spectacular." She whispered.

I nodded against her head, "I don't care where we go to school Bren…as long as your with me." She looked deeply into my eyes touched.

She didn't say anything as our attention went to Billy. We left the tower and then he brought us to Memorial Glade. He explained that this grass area was very popular with students. They came here to sun bathe, study, take a nap in between classes. The area was an empty space of grass. It was like a small park in the middle of campus. I smiled, I could see Bren and me meeting here, having lunch, cuddling under the trees. It was sure peaceful here. I really loved it.

BPOV

Honestly I had never seen anything like it. The Berkeley campus was so beautiful. The people friendly. There were tons of things to do around campus too. I hadn't said much during the tour but either had Dylan. I knew Dylan really wanted to go here and honestly I could picture us here but I also knew Dylan would choose whatever college I wanted. He had mentioned it numerous times.

Berkeley was a highly academic school, you could tell, the school was known for their science and engineer programs. Everyone we had come in contact with looked smart as all hell. I felt silly when I first pictured hippies everywhere smoking joints and dancing in the streets of Height Asbury but no…it wasn't the 60's anymore, Berkeley was known for their protests and zen qualities but the college was now way more conservative that it was back in the day. I looked at Dylan as they talked about the protests and how Berkeley was still the most democratic cities in the country, I swore I saw a little Iris peaking through when we saw a peaceful demonstration outside of the military recruiting office. I would never tell him that though. I was actually so surprised at the students walking around until I saw a group of students smoking a joint on the grass area of Memorial Glade. I looked at Dylan, his smile shined bright, there was a little height asbury here still and instead of making us uncomfortable it made us giggle. These tours were great at showing us around the school, telling us the history but they told us nothing about what life would actually be like here at Berkeley and funny enough Billy laughed when the smell crossed our paths.

"As you can see…Berkeley is highly academic. We are a school of thinkers…just ask the stoners on the grassy knoll, they'll talk to you for hours about philosophy." The group laughed and looked at the group that was probably 15 feet from us. They waved at us goofing off and the whole group laughed and waved back. "Cannabis is not legal here but on a scale from 1-5…1 being busted by the cops illegal our school here is a whooping 4, out of sight out of mind is our motto, and don't be surprised if some of your professors are long grey haired hippy types, it's Berkeley after all." He smirked and the tour continued.

I acted pretty impartial until the tour brought us to the Zellerbach Hall. Billy held out his hand.

"Welcome to TDPS. Also known as theater, dance and performance department of TDPS teaches performance as a mode of critical inquiry, creative expression and public engagement. Through performance training and research, we create liberal arts graduates with expanded analytical, technical and imaginative capacities. As a public institution, we make diversity and inclusion a key part of our teaching, art making and public programming. Here you will find small class sizes, inspiring faculty, engaged staff, talented students, and multiple opportunities to purse your artistic, intellectual, and creative capacities in ways that are both challenging and fulfilling." I squeezed Dylan's hand tightly. He looked down at me with a knowing smirk. He knew I was freaking out with excitement.

The last stop on our tour, we had seen more "halls" then I could even remember we finally came to what I knew Dylan thrived for. The College of Letters & Sciences in Wheeler Hall. Billy went on and on about the English major and a minor in creative writing. That's what he was doing.

"The Department of English offers courses in literature, in language, and in writing. Our courses in literature have many different focuses: major authors, historical periods, genres, critical theories and methods, as well as cultural and multicultural studies. Courses in language offer instruction in both the history and the structure of the English language. Writing courses offer training in both expository and creative writing." Now it was Dylan's turn to squeeze my hand. His excitement was contagious and I looked at him in awe. I had never seen Dylan excited about school before and it made me decide on the spot…if we both got in, we were going here.

"Come on Bren." Dylan pulled my hand down to the docks. The tour was long over and now we got to enjoy some of the city outside of Berkeley. I stopped and smiled as I watched Dylan step in to a pedal boat. He reached for my hand, I smiled at him with a small giggle and stepped in. We sat beside each other. He began pedaling and so I joined in. Then we were on our way.

"Wow Dylan…this is incredibly romantic." I looked down Stow Lake, "You are really trying to sell me on Berkeley aren't you?" I chuckled and he joined in.

"No…Bren I don't care where we go to school…honestly I don't. I'm just trying to show you San Fran…spend the weekend with you." He leaned in and kissed me. Both of us stopped pedaling as we glided across the water. "It is romantic though isn't it?" He whispered against my lips. I smiled widely at him. It sure was.

"I love it here. Promise me we'll come back if we don't go to school here." I looked around at the gardens and pretty landscape, the lake was in the center of Golden Gate Park and it was extraordinary.

Dylan kissed my cheek before he started pedaling again, "I'll take you back here whenever you want. It's one of my favorite places."

I looked at him, it was so serene here and quiet. Only a few people were in pedal boats and they weren't even by us. San Francisco was becoming one of my favorite places too. "Dylan?" I looked down at our intertwined hands.

"Yeah baby?" He looked over at me, keeping us at a slow pace with the pedals.

I took a deep breath, "I think…I want to go to school here." I looked into his eyes.

Dylan smiled, "You do?" He looked happy. I nodded with a smile. Dylan's head tilted to the side as he looked at the landscape around us, "Now I just have to get in."

I touched his arm, "You will. We will…I have a good feeling about it."

Dylan sighed, "You heard Billy today, UC Berkeley admissions is hard, they only let about 17% of the students that apply here in, that isn't even a quarter of them. Why did it take me so long to figure out what I wanted to do, why didn't I do better in my classes?" He spoke quietly as he breathed out.

"None of us know what we want to do Dylan. You're ahead of the game really. Plus we always have CU…you got in there and so did I. But your SAT scores are on the verge of genius, I don't think you'll have a problem getting in here. You only started taking AP English and Gill thinks you have a real shot here."

"True." Dylan sighed again. He brought his arm around me and brought me into his side. "I just want to it so bad, that's weird for me. I'm happy you love it as much as I do. Their theater department looks good too."

I smiled, "It did." It looked more than good. That meeting with the department head had me reeling with excitement. It was perfect for me.

"Honestly Bren…I'm happy because I don't think I would have gotten into New York. That school is even more selective than this one is."

I shrugged, "It's so far. I guess when it comes down to it, with Brandon staying in LA for school, my parents, our friends…doesn't it just make sense to be closer? I can't imagine being on the other side of the country from them. Here it's just a nice drive down the coast or a quick flight. I mean I kind of like the idea of us being away but close enough to visit regularly. Don't you?" I looked up at him. He was already looking down at me.

"Yeah…it sounds amazing." He whispered then kissed me again. "So Bren…where would you want to live…on campus…an apartment…on your own…together?" He looked hopeful and I looked at him surprised.

"You'd want to live with me?" I asked shocked. Where was my Dylan?

Dylan smirked,"And wake up with you like this morning everyday, hell yes." I laughed. "Besides, can you picture me living in the dorm, sharing a 5 foot by 5 foot room with some stranger?" He looked at me horrified and I laughed out loud.

I shook my head, "No…I can't picture that at all."

He shook my head too, "No." He confirmed.

I turned by body to the side a little so I could face him, "But…what about money…my parents? Do you actually think they'd help me out knowing I was living with you?" I asked seriously. I told Dylan it would be different this time and I had meant it, but financially that was another thing entirely.

Dylan smirked, "Bren…your father isn't stupid. He knows we are here, he knows we are touring the school. Do you actually think he thinks you will be in a new city alone knowing only me and us not be living together? I think you are underestimating your dad. He mentioned something when I was at his office."

"He did? Like what?" I asked interested.

"He didn't say much, but when he looked into the school for you after you applied, he might have mentioned housing choices. He actually gave me some residence halls that were co-ed."

"Co-ed? Please you would still be living with some 1st year freshman you didn't know, that doesn't mean anything, we'd be in the same building on different floors." I shook my head.

"No Bren…he gave me student apartment information too. Still co-ed, double occupancy. We'd have our own apartment, kitchen, bedroom, a study room or office, instead of another bedroom, they do have common areas but we'd be on our own. It's one block from campus and it looked and sounded pretty perfect. Like I said your dad isn't stupid."

"Seriously?" I was floored. Did my dad know I would want to go here?

Dylan winked at me and continued pedaling back to the dock, "You hungry? Why don't we get some sandwiches and head over to Shakespeare park…it's a great place to have a picnic."

My hand came to the back of his neck as I brought him to me roughly. I kissed him deeply. My tongue seeking his mouth first. He groaned in response, his hand tangling into my hair.

We separated breathlessly, Dylan's eyes were still closed, "What was that for?" He asked in a lustful whisper.

"For all of this. I'm having the best time and this is by far the best prom weekend in the history of prom weekends."

He let out a laugh, "I told you I'd spend my life showing you how much you mean to me Bren…it's just the beginning." I kissed him again, well because he was sexy as hell but also because I knew in my heart he was telling the truth.

The phone ringing was obnoxiously loud. I groaned, I was so comfortable, laying naked in Dylan's arms. He groaned too, "What the hell?" He said pissed. The phone kept obnoxiously ringing. He reached over roughly, an empty glass of water dropped to the carpet with a thump, "Shit." He cursed grabbing the phone. "Hello?" His voice thick with sleep.

I leaned up from his chest and glanced at the clock. It was only 10:05. Damn it felt like I had been asleep for hours. Well I guess when you spend the day walking around a huge ass campus, then pedal boating, walking the gardens, picnicking, shopping, riding the cable car, only to come back to a romantic dinner here in the hotel and a marathon of sex…I guess sleeping is needed. "Brandon?" Dylan said still trying to wake up a little.

I sat up quickly, "Whats wrong?" My heart stopped, why was Brandon calling us in San Francisco at 10pm at night? Dylan sat up a bit listening ignoring me. I reached over and turned the light on. My eyes squeezed shut getting used to it. When they opened Dylan was doing the same, he lightly put his hand on my leg. "It's ok." He whispered and my heart felt like it kicked into gear again. "Yeah…our flight leaves tomorrow at around 6 and it's about an hour and thirty minute flight. We'll be there by 8. Yeah Brandon no it's not a big deal, we appreciate the call." Dylan smiled listening to my brother and I was just lost. "No I know…yeah we had a long day. We both just passed out." Dylan looked at me, a guilty smile on his face. "Alright bro…see you tomorrow…bye." Dylan reached and hung the phone up as I waited anxiously.

"Dylan? What's wrong?" I couldn't wait another second.

Dylan ran his hand through his hair leaning back into the headboard. His eyes met my bare breasts as he noticed in my sudden movement I hadn't cared to cover myself. I rolled my eyes, "Hello?" I grabbed the sheet covering them. Geez distracted much?

Dylan chucked and shook his head, his face getting serious, "It's Donna…Mrs. Teasley caught her trying to get out of there last night. Felice called your parents house making a big deal out of the champagne Mel served. Nobody knows anything. David's been trying to call Donna all day and Felice won't let him speak to her."

My fingers came to my mouth, "Oh my god…poor Donna. Is she suspended? Will she be able to graduate?"

Dylan shook his head, "No one knows. Brandon said Donna fell in front of Mrs. T and they took her from there. Called her parents. David went home in Brandon and Kelly's limo without her."

"Geez…this can't be good. You know what they said Dylan. They made the announcement, anyone caught drunk at Prom will not be able to graduate or participate in any senior activities."

"This is Donna Bren…her mother is so hooked in. She knows everybody, do you really think they are looking for a scapegoat? Do you really think Donna was the only one drunk at Prom last night? I highly doubt it. Donna is a good student and has never been in trouble. She'll be ok." Dylan reached for me. I cuddled into his chest. I felt him kiss my head tenderly caressing my arm and back but all I could think about was Donna.

The next day we tried to enjoy ourselves but I wasn't in the mood. I mean it wasn't fair, we were all drinking prom night. Donna was just the one that got caught. I have to admit I wasn't even tipsy from the one glass of champagne I had. I wasn't sure how much she had had but it was definitely more than one glass. We did go and see the student apartments that my dad had given Dylan the information on and they were small but nice. Really close to campus, literally a block and the best part was it housed a campus coffee shop right down stairs. That was Dylan's favorite part. Living at the apartment was still part of the school and it included meal cards but with our own little kitchen, we could probably make our own dinners and that made me excited.

So it was official and decided, if Dylan and myself got into Berkeley we were going here. If we didn't or one of us didn't, CU it was and Dylan asked me to move into his house with him. Man what an ending to a crazy and terrible year. I wasn't sure what my parents would think of the CU living situation but honestly what was the difference? San Francisco apartment? Dylan's house? It was all the same and I was an adult. I promised Dylan it would be different with my parents and that was a good step in that direction.

After spending some more time in the city, sightseeing, of course more sex. We finally made it to the airport and were on our way back to LA. We both thought about Donna a lot but we tried to enjoy ourselves as much as we could. San Fransisco was amazing, the weekend was amazing, being with Dylan was amazing and prom was hitting the Spring Dance out of the park. Now it was back to reality. Tomorrow we'd be back at school, getting our cap and gowns, studying for finals and Donna's fate would soon be known. I was hoping and praying all was going to be okay. I knew Donna and I knew all she wanted even without speaking to her yet was to graduate with her friends.

As Dylan drove me home we noticed a car in the driveway. Dylan carried my bags in as we heard voices from the kitchen, dropping my bags to the floor. He moved his arm around my shoulders as we walked into the kitchen. There David sat with Brandon, and Mel sat at the kitchen table with my dad. My mom was serving coffee as we walked in.

"Oh hi guys…how was your weekend?" My mom said pleasantly.

"Yeah guys how was San Fransisco?" My brother smiled at us.

"It was amazing." I eyed Mel, then my eyes found David's, "How's Donna?"

David shook his head and exhaled, "I don't know her parents won't let me speak to her."

"Brenda…Dylan." Mel greeted us, "San Fran huh? It's gorgeous this time of year there." Mel smiled.

"Hey Dr. Silver." Dylan went towards him and shook his hand. "It was beautiful. Bren and I were visiting Berkeley."

"Berkeley? Wow that's great! David you didn't tell me Dylan and Brenda were going to Berkeley." Mel took a sip of his coffee. David looked at us and shrugged.

"Well…Brenda hasn't made any decisions yet, she has a few to choose from." My dad said proudly.

I chuckled uncomfortably, "We got to get in first." I added. "So…what's going on?" I mean was no one going to fill me in why David and his father were here. I mean we could talk about Berkeley later.

Mel looked down and then looked at my parents, "I came by to apologize for serving the kids champagne at prom. It is kind of tradition in my family to give a little wine or champagne with toasts. I hope I didn't offend you, I just had no idea it would hit Donna like that."

My dad shook his head, "No you didn't offend us and it is okay."

"I'm going over there after this to apologize to Felice."

"Good luck…Felice isn't the most forgiving and understanding woman." Brandon said truthfully.

"Well…I may not agree with her politics but I do owe her an apology. I just wanted to make sure you guys are okay. I really didn't want to make you angry at me. I feel so awful about all of this."

"We all drank Mel you didn't make us do it. It's just so weird because non of us got sick." I told him honestly. I felt Dylan's hand on the small of my back. His touch calmed me.

"Maybe she had a virus or something." Brandon brought up.

"Well I guess we will see what happens. Thank you for the coffee Cindy…we better get going." Mel got up and shook my fathers hand. We all talked him into the foyer and Dylan grabbed my bags to bring up to my room. We started up the stairs when David stopped me.

"Bren…you think maybe you can try to call Donna tonight. Felice has never been my greatest fan and I think because of my dad's involvement that's probably a big reason she won't let me speak to her. Maybe she'll let you." Poor David he looked absolutely torn up.

I set my hand on his shoulder. "I'll call her." I nodded with a small smile.

"Thank you. Please tell her I'm thinking about her and I love her."

"I will. Goodnight David."

"See you Silver." Dylan shook his hand. We both felt sorry for him. He truly did love Donna. We watched as both Mel and David left. Dylan brought my bags to my room. We weren't alone long when Brandon made his way into my bedroom.

"So…how was Berkeley?" He asked interested.

"Awesome." Dylan sat on my bed relaxing.

"it is an amazing school…gorgeous campus. It really was awesome." I smiled. "And…I got you this." I reached into one of my shopping bags and held up a t-shirt. It was Navy Blue and across the front of it said California in big letters, the logo under it and Berkeley underneath that.

Brandon chuckled and reached for it, "Ha…this is great thanks." He held it up to his chest proudly. "Does this mean…what I think it means?" He tossed the shirt over his forearm and looked between us.

I smiled wide, "Yep…if all goes as planned Dylan and I are attending Berkeley."

"Cool." He moved in and hugged me. Then he moved to Dylan and shook his hand. "Well…congratulations. Now I have someone to visit often in San Fran." That made me happy.

Dylan sighed, "I have to do well on my finals man…I just have too. Brenda has the grades and the SAT scores. I on the other hand need to do well, I need to finish the quarter with good marks man…my SAT's will only get me so far." I walked over sitting next to him.

"You will." My hand came over his, he turned it around intertwining our fingers as he looked into my eyes.

"Totally dude…you got this." Brandon smiled.

"It's hard to be excited not knowing about Donna." I looked down.

The boys were quiet. "I guess tomorrow we'll find out." Brandon shrugged sadly. "Anyway…glad you guys had fun. Goodnighty." He joked as he headed into his room.

"I should go too." Dylan got up and I followed. "You need to call Donna before it gets too late."

I nodded and hugged Dylan tightly. "Thanks for an incredible weekend."

Dylan squeezed me into him before letting go. "It was a great time." His arms enclosed around my waist tightly, "I'm not sure how I'm going to sleep tonight without you in my arms." He pouted.

I smiled and kissed hims softly. "I think the morning will be more difficult for me. I like the way you wake me up." I leaned in again with a smirk and kissed him longer this time. He smiled against my lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I whispered kissing him again. It was hard to say goodbye now but soon I guess it wouldn't matter.

Dylan patted my butt gently and pecked me again."Night Bren."

"Night Dylan…dream about me." I sat on my bed and grabbed Mr. Pony holding him against me as I watched him open my bedroom door.

He turned and smirked at me. He was so damn handsome. "Always." He raised his eyebrows and gave me that sec look only Dylan knew how too and then left.

Man we were going to college together. Man oh man what a difference a school year makes.

 _Next up…Donna Martin Graduates…then the Commencement. Were almost done guys! Hit review…what do you think? Will Dylan get in? Should they attend Berkeley…or CU?_


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